Thursday, October 11, 2012

If the BSC had continued to have books into their teens....

This is edited from a post in my general, non-BSC blog in 2007. If I can get it to work, I'll add the picture of the book cover for Spinelli and the Secret Pain I made. Ahh, Spinelli.

Originally written December 27, 2007.

I was thinking today about the Baby-sitters Club. Don't ask me why....
But that's not what this is about.* All of the titles of the BSC books had similar titles. A lot of them were (Name) and (Incident/whatever). Kristy and the Secret of Susan. Claudia and Crazy Peaches. Jessi and the Awful Secret. But not all of them, of course, such as the best BSC book ever, Stacey's Emergency. Or the second best BSC book, The Mallory Book. (Okay, so that one's really titled Dawn and the Disappearing Dogs, which fits the pattern. But that title's boring.)

So I started thinking about titles that the series should have had, especially if they had continued as the girls got older. I came up with the following (I randomly selected baby-sitters so I'm not picking on any of them.)

Mallory and the HIV Test
Mary Anne's Big Date Rape
Kristy and the Positive Pregnancy Test
Claudia and the Mysterious Rash
Stacey's Flunk-out Disaster
Logan and the Prostitutes (a special one!)
Dawn Tries LSD (lame title but no worse than Dawn and the Disappearing Dogs!)
Jessi on the Streets

Actually, the worst part of the whole BSC thing was the Baby-sitters Little Sister books. Apparently the author liked Kristy's stepsister a little too much. If you thought some of the BSC titles were bad, check these out:
Karen's Lemonade Stand
Karen's Lucky Penny
Karen's Magic Garden

Oh, and those are real titles, not ones I made up. Karen also had a friend named Hannah who was called Hannie. What kind of acid were her parents dropping? If you want to call your kid by a nickname, name them something with a nickname. Alexandra, maybe.

Well, back when I was actually reading these books, I came up with a GREAT way to end the entire BSC world (which the author didn't take when she ended the series after 15 years and enough money to make a swimming pool like Scrooge McDuck has on Duck Tails). I created these two BSC Little Sister titles that would be the final two:

Karen's Mexican Restaurant
Karen's Big Fart (or Toot, if you prefer)

At the end of the second one, Karen lets one rip so big and stinky that it chokes everyone in existance to death. Which means bye-bye Hannie, bye-bye Mallory's 29 brothers and sisters, bye-bye BSC. I still love the idea and I think if I ever publish a crappy series about totally unrealistic kids (especially one that makes me enough money for a Scrooge McDuck pool), that's how I'll end it.

*Okay, so how the whole thing started was I was thinking out loud and I said "Spinelli and the Secret Pain" which sounded like a BSC book...only about Spinelli and not teenaged baby-sitters.

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