“Why would they hit cars?” BSC #115: Jessi’s Big Break (1998)

This is the last Jessi book in the entire series, folks. Why did Jessi’s tale end so early? I can’t be sure. I honestly think that #108 would have been Mallory’s last book if the whole boarding-school plotline hadn’t come up.

Jessi gets to go to a three week dance class in New York City called Dance New York. DNY includes both a professional school and dance troupe and special programs like the one Jessi is in. Jessi stays in Brooklyn with her cousin Michael—Aunt Cecelia’s son. She meets up with her old friend/sorta-boyfriend Quint and gets introduced to his friends, including a girl named Maritza. Jessi feels very at home living in NYC and hanging out with Maritza and her friends, who are all African American. She gets the opportunity to audition for the school/dance troupe, but turns it down when she imagines leaving Mal and the BSC.

The subplot features Mal and Becca, who are both really missing Jessi while she’s enjoying herself. Jessi invites Mal to spend the weekend with her

Interesting Tidbits

Look, it’s leotard central!

Ouch. After Aunt Cecelia plays downer to Jessi’s good news, Jessi repeats her dad’s joke: Aunt Cecelia only moved in with them because no one else would take her.

Remember in SS#14, when I mentioned Jessi’s uncles Arthur and John? She’s back to having uncles named Arthur and Charles these days. What’s the point of having a bible for the series (published as the Complete Guide) if the ‘manuscript assistants’ don’t even read/use it?

I’ve never really stopped to think about Jessi and Becca’s relationship before, but here goes. Most of the time, they seem to get along really well. But there are a few occasions when they don’t, and it all boils down to the same thing. Remember back in the first Jessi book, when Jessi was really surprised to find out that Haley was sometimes jealous of Matt? Well, wouldn’t make just tons of sense if Becca were occasionally jealous of Jessi? Jessi gets all this attention for dancing, while Becca doesn’t even have activities that she’s involved in. It makes her bratty behavior in this book completely understandable. (She does things like tell Squirt Jessi will be going bye-bye and suggest that Jessi will be homeless, eating rats.)

Jessi says all she remembers about her cousin Michael is that Aunt Cecelia used to yell at him a lot. Mallory: “She yells at everybody.”

Claudia calls Mary Anne’s preppy fashion “L.L.J. Crew Bauer.” I so would not have gotten that joke when I was ten, or even when this book came out (when I was nearly seventeen.)

I like Jessi’s cousin Michael, who behaves a lot like the other men in the Ramsey family, making jokes about Aunt Cecelia and teasing her. I feel sorry for his wife, though, who seems nervous around the Ramseys. Can you imagine having AC for a mother-in-law? Ugh.

Awww! Shortly after Jessi leaves for NYC, Mallory comes to babysit for Squirt and Becca. Squirt’s all excited to see her…because he thinks Jessi will be following her. He actually sits in the window, calling her name.

There is a wicked-lot of ballet terms in this book, paired with explanations of what the mean. I’m so bored reading them that I’m going to fall asleep. Be back in six months….

My high school journalism teacher would be so disappointed reading this book. She always hated repetition of the same word when it was possible to phrase it another way. In less than one page, the word gab/gabbing is used five times to describe how Jessi, Maritza and Tanisha were talking. Buy a thesaurus!

Jessi’s friends in NYC: Maritza, Tanisha, Quint, Rasheen, Simi, Brandon, Julissa, Denise, Marcus, Celeste, Michiko and Randy.

This is odd to me. Michael went to art school, and then business school. He says that Aunt Cecelia was upset when he gave up art. Aunt Cecelia doesn’t really seem to be the type to suggest that her child live as a starving artist while he tries to ‘make it’ in New York. It makes more sense to me that she’d have urged him to go back to school. Even Jessi is surprised about AC.

Claudia spelling: kayoss (chaos), Charlot, Becka, figgured, triplits, diegnosis, seperation, anziety

The BSC and the Pikes plan a surprise party for Jessi, which is nearly ruined by, in turn, nearly every kid there. My favorite? When Byron fell over because, in his words, Nicky farted. You know how I love when these books let kids be kids.

The title quote is Claire’s response when Mrs. Pike suggests the Ramseys may have hit traffic on the way back from NYC.

Becca’s all grumbly about Jessi acceptance to DNY, and so when Jessi repeats that the head of the program told her she was one of them now, Becca responds, “He sounds like Darth Vader.”

I liked the ending to this one. The first person Jessi tells when she makes up her mind is Aunt Cecelia, who’d been rallying for her to go to the program while everyone else had been more logical and conservative about it. The invitation was open, meaning Jessi could start right away, or next semester or school year, or in a couple of years even. Jessi decides she’s not ready to go away, so she tells AC she’s going to accept…later. AC actually compliments her and tells her she likes the way she thinks. It’s a good point. Jessi’s eleven. If she’s that good of a dancer, she should wring everything she can out of Mme. Noelle and live her life as much as possible before reaching for the stars. I remember reading about how much Olympic athletes practice in any day and how much they give up to be the best. I’m sure ballet’s much the same way.

Sorry, I just realized how short this entry is. I guess there really wasn't much to say either way about it. I'm not sure if that is good or bad.

Outfits

Claudia (the Snack Czar): leopard print jumpsuit, black silk shirt tied at the waist, steel-toed combat boots, rhinestone-studded cats eye glasses on top of her head.

Next: Mystery #33

“What, did the accident do something to your tongue?” BSC #82: Jessi and the Troublemaker (1995)

For starters, let’s have a vlog about Why I Feel Sorry For Jessi. (Yes, I caught a Case of the Caps.)

Danielle, the girl with cancer, is back, and she’s in remission! Because she’s actually feeling good, her parents are letting her get away with things that kids shouldn’t be doing, like flooding the bathroom and sledding down the stairs on a mattress. At first Jessi thinks the same way but then decides that Danielle is out of control…but doesn’t do anything in time to stop her from driving her family’s car with her friends on board, causing a minor accident. After that, Danielle’s parents realize that even though she needs to be able to express herself, she also needs boundaries.

Subplot: Jessi and Becca overhear Aunt Cecelia planning a wedding with a man named Mr. Major and assume the two of them are getting married. Of course, they aren’t. It’s as interesting as it sounds.

Interesting Tidbits

The cover: This makes me think of my niece and nephew, not because it looks like them, but because there are almost no rules in their house. She does headstands and backbends in the living room and they jump on the couches and beds and play with swords, toy guns and bows and arrows in the house. If the Pepper had roller blades, this would definitely happen. (Oh, and this happens in chapter 3!)

What’s going to happen when Squirt outgrows that nickname? I can’t see him going to high school still being called Squirt. He’s John, Jr., so will they call him John, or Johnny? I don’t know why I worry about stuff like that.

Heh. Jessi’s USA puzzle is missing two states, including Kansas. Being from the Kansas City metro, I can assure you: this is a good thing.

Ooh, I love BSC foreshadowing! It’s been a while since I’ve read #81 or #80, but Stacey shows up late to the first meeting of the book. (BTW, I’m really looking forward to #83, which is full of OH HELL YEAH! moments.)

Oh, and Stacey is sophisticated because she has diabetes. Does that mean my dad is super sophisticated, too?

Mistake: there’s a quotation mark in the middle of a quote. It’s not major but is majorly distracting.

Real book: Frog and Toad (it doesn’t say which one. I’ve always loved those books, as does Jessi.)

There’s something funny about Becca and Jessi each catching the other eavesdropping on Aunt Cecelia.

I wonder if Mr. Major is related to Mr. McGill’s friend, Mr. Majors?

No Jessi no! BAD JESSI! Do not describe things as ‘gigundo.’ Use your adult words!

Stacey the slacker: She calls Mary Anne at the last freakin’ minute to ask her to cover a job. Mary Anne assumes it must be an emergency, because she can’t imagine ditching a job for anything BUT an emergency.

When Mary Anne catches Danielle, Charlotte and Haley sledding down the basement steps on a crib mattress, Jessi suggests that MA found herself in Aspen. It’s actually kind of cute. (Speaking of, what kid hasn’t wanted to do that at one time or another? At my house we tried it with a laundry basket…it didn’t work very well….)

Ha! Jessi worries that she’s too much like Aunt Cecelia because she said she’d be super-worried if Mal didn’t show up for a meeting and didn’t call. She’d go from ‘where is she’ to ‘she must be dead in a ditch’ in sixty seconds. I think we’re all like that to some extent though.

Oh, and that comes up because Jessi is late to the meeting (with a valid ballet/traffic excuse) but Stacey isn’t there yet.

Jessi says (my paraphrase, but almost exactly) that ‘no one in the history of the BSC had ever blown a meeting off.’ Obviously she wasn’t around during the big BSCfight when Kristy blew off a meeting or two because she was mad at the rest of the members. But then again, she literally wasn’t around then, given that she didn’t move to town for ten more books.

I do love when Jessi and Becca stop acting like sitter and sittee and just act like sisters. For example, they are trying out perfumes (so they can smell nice when AC gets married) and Becca gives Jessi a giant spritz of something gross, then they run away giggling.

So AC: she makes Jessi and Becca “coordinate watches” (which makes me think of ‘Well, Becca, you’re wearing your purple watch so I won’t wear the neon green…’) When they meet up at the appointed time, she’s not done shopping, so she makes them coordinate watches again! Did she think they’d all gotten out of synch in the past few hours?

Danielle says she invited Becca, Charlotte and Vanessa while Kristy was babysitting, but then those three girls arrive…and so does Haley. I’d say maybe she was just with one of the others when they got the call, but she gets to Danielle’s by herself.

Not only do the five girls try to fill the entire stall shower with water (so that they can climb over the side and jump in), but they put egg dye in the water so that it stains everything. The BSC keeps describing Danielle’s ideas as…creative…but that takes the cake. She’s doing what every little girl dreams of doing but won’t because they know they’ll get in huge trouble. (What I want to know is how the egg dyes didn’t all mix together to make poop-brown water. Becca’s socks end up dyed in rainbow colors; that doesn’t sound realistic.)

The BSC discusses AC’s alleged wedding and Mary Anne asks whether the wedding vows will include the word ‘obey’. I didn’t even realize that a wife promising to obey her husband was a ‘thing’ until I read Laura Ingalls Wilder as a child and she refused to include it in her vows. Does anyone (outside of maybe some very strict churches) use that in the wedding anymore?

I haven’t really discussed the subplot much, so here you are. When Jessi and Becca hear AC and Mr. Major discussing when they will need to be at the wedding, they decide to get the two of themselves (and Squirt) ready for the wedding. They seriously believe AC is actually getting married…but trying to keep it a complete secret. I’m flabbergasted by this logic, honestly. And of course they end up mortified because everyone else (the adults) knew what was going on and wind up shaking their heads at the kids.

Jessi calls Danielle and her friends the fearsome fivesome.

When the girls roll the Roberts’ car in slow-motion into another car, no one is seriously hurt, although Vanessa does get stitches in her forehead. Jessi is actually super mature and responsible, getting all the girls who aren’t hurt out of the car quickly and instructing Vanessa (who could have had a head or neck injury) not to move. It’s kind of remarkable when you think about it. She’s really just a little girl herself—only two years older than Danielle, Haley and Vanessa, who all thought getting in a car without a licensed driver was a fantastic idea.

Vanessa is extremely proud of her injury, as it’s the first time she’d gotten stitches. (Ha!)

The Johanssens and Braddocks both assure Jessi that Charlotte and Haley are in Major Trouble. I’m glad that the other parents didn’t just decide that it was Danielle’s fault or it was a group mentality or anything. All of those girls should be in some sort of trouble.

And then, being preteen girls, they all blame Danielle for their getting into trouble. That’s both natural and a little bit fair. But given that any one of them could have said, “I’m not getting in a car with you” and told Jessi what was going on, it’s kind of cruel as well.

Stacey, who had scheduled three separate sitting jobs for the Roberts but had Mary Anne and Jessi cover the other two, solves the problem by arranging a ceasefire between the friends. It’s funny given that Stacey will be the one fighting with her friends in the next book.

The title quote is what Mal says to Vanessa when she refuses to talk to Danielle.

Just after Vanessa says that she got into ‘elephantic’ trouble (translation: big), Haley calls Danielle a kangaroo, because ideas hop out of her head. What’s with the zoo theme?

Oh, Jessi. She decides the best solution to avoid telling her friends that AC didn’t get married is to make her and Mr. Major fall in love. Despite the fact that Mal and Stacey (at least) should have been able to figure out that the wedding didn’t happen, because Jessi took Stacey’s sitting job during the wedding time.

Outfits

Stacey: oversized black sweater, metallic gold t-shirt, jeans

Claudia: faded holey jeans over leopard tights, black Docs with yellow laces, black and yellow flannel shirt with a shoelace bow tie, yellow feather and black bead earrings

Next week: YES!!!!!!! #83

“I can see she’s in bad shape. Her hair has even fallen off.” BSC #68: Jessi and the Bad Babysitter (1993)

This was one of the rare books after #40 in the series that I just never read as a child. I think this one and mystery #11 both came out while I was sick or grounded or something, because my collection skipped from #67 to #69 and mystery #10 to #12 (which was the last mystery on my book shelf.) I’m not sure if I just decided to spend my money on something else when I bought the later books or that I’d figured out basically how this one ended because the ‘baby babysitter’ didn’t join the club.

Since Dawn just left and Mallory’s all mono-riffic (although no one knows that yet), the BSC is overbooked. Kristy decides they need a new club member, so Jessi recommends a new friend of hers named Wendy who babysits. Wendy seems like a good sitter, but she’s regularly late for meetings and jobs and routinely takes sitting jobs without offering them to the club. Eventually she quits, robbing us of the opportunity to see Kristy lay the smack down on her.

Meanwhile, the Barretts miss Dawn, so they come up with the idea to make a video to send her that winds up being a mashup of Snow White and Captain Planet, and it’s as ‘interesting’ as it sounds.

There’s also this funky little C plot about Margo being extra-secretive because she’s been shoplifting. I guess this is because they realized they’d never had a Margo-centric plot in something like 100 books by this point.

Interesting Tidbits

Love the Hershey Kiss painting on the wall on the cover. I know that there’s a whole plot about Claud and junk food artwork and I didn’t find it all that appealing then, but it actually kinda looks delicious here.

Oh, and you know Wendy is a ‘bad’ babysitter…because she chews gum! And this cover, of course, is the one that gave birth to Incredulous Kristy, one of my favorite BSC memes. (Interestingly, she’s looking at Jessi, not Wendy.)

By the way, you can make your own Incredulous Kristy at http://memegenerator.net/Incredulous-Kristy Here’s my attempt:

Jessi says Squirt is two, but he’s usually described as being ‘one and a half’ or even, sometimes, younger.

In the first four pages of this book, there’s a partial summary of book #16, #36, and #67. Oh, and they briefly mention #30.

Becca and Squirt are watching Flipper, and rather than whining about being forced to watch crap like that (like I did at her age), Becca is actually enjoying it. Sometimes I think AMM and the ghostwriters forgot that this series is set in the 80s/90s, not the 60s, since everyone loves Flipper, I Love Lucy, Leave it to Beaver and the like.

Mallory calls out sick from a BSC meeting, and instead of worrying about her health, Kristy’s like, “This is a disaster! We can’t be two sitters down!” For once, I actually get it. The members just got three calls in a row for the same time…when they already all have jobs. Dawn calls a short time later, though, and Kristy refuses to hand the phone over to MA until Dawn promises to come ‘right back.’ Knowing Kristy, she means on the next flight.

I’m trying to figure out this logic: Mal stayed home from the BSC meeting on Wednesday and home from school on Thursday. Yet her parents still let her babysit (with Jessi) for her brothers and sisters. She falls asleep on the couch and Jessi does all the work. Wouldn’t Mrs. Pike either a) stay home, knowing Mal wasn’t feeling well or b) arrange an alternate sitter? My favorite moment from that sitting job is that, when the boys come back inside, they all toss their coats everywhere and Adam throws his right on top of Mallory. Yet she sleeps on.

How does pay work when Claudia takes the first two-thirds of a sitting job and Jessi takes the last bit? Mrs. Barrett would have to physically pay Jessi, and I’m sure Jessi would pass a fair share of the money along, but that could work out badly.

Speaking of the Barretts, I remember thinking when I was a kid that it was weird that they would call Marnie’s happy face the ‘ham face’ as they do in this book. Not because it’s a stupid nickname for the way the ‘ham face’ is described, but because Buddy’s real name is Hamilton, Jr., and his father goes by the name Ham.

It’s interesting that Dawn made a ‘no guns’ rule for the Barretts and it stuck. I mean, she’s not one of their parents, so she doesn’t really get to make decisions like that.

Suzi wants to put on a play of Snow White and the Seven Zorbs (sic). She comes up with six dwarves: Grumpy, Dopey, Bashful, Sleepy, Doc and Sneezy. It took me a minute to figure out she was missing Happy, which is more than Mary Anne manages. (I always forget Bashful myself.)

The story the Barretts come up is extremely complicated and horribly dated, these days. Even though I can still sing the Captain Planet theme song, I bet most tweens these days* would have no idea who that is.

*I ran across a girl and her mom at my favorite Savers who are also gathering up the whole BSC collection. She and I had a nice talk about the books, and then her mom actually tried to convince me to hand over a copy of #116 that I found before they spotted it. (I left with the book.)

Mary Anne and Jessi take the Barretts and select Pikes to buy accessories for the video. Interestingly, Mal was supposed to go but since she doesn’t feel well, she convinces Vanessa to go in her place. MA and Jessi insist because it’s “a lot of kids to keep track of.” Um, it’s Buddy and Nicky and Margo and Suzi. Two sitters should be plenty.

I remember some time back I pointed out that, of the Pikes, they all have their “things”, except Margo. I guess Margo’s going to be the Pike who has ‘problems’ as she grows up. It starts with shoplifting, then suspensions from school, and then when she’s a teen, it’s getting high in the ‘party corner’ with a bunch of guys…. Heh.

Apparently, Suzi is a top-notch actress. She really gets into her part.

The play the kids put on reminds me of the one I was ‘props master’ for at Girl Scout Camp when I was a teen. It was Snow White and the Five Dwarves (we didn’t have enough actresses). The girls decided to put their names in a hat and draw roles, so one girl with absolutely no acting talent ended up as the Prince. No one minded, because none of the others wanted to play ‘a boy’ anyway.

The title quote is Buddy’s ad lib after a collapsing Carolyn’s Snow White wig falls off (thanks to an apple poisoned by pollution.) He also gets grossed out when Snow White (now Marilyn) kisses him: “Yuck! That’s gross. It’s cheek pollution!”

And then we have to listen to the details of a Dawn sitting job for characters we’ve never heard of before, where she and her charges…make a video. At the same time as the BSC video is being made. Riiiiiiight. (Also, why would you name two kids in the same family Jenny and Jeannette? Those names are just way too similar.)

Has Jeff always had a thing for the Grateful Dead, or is that just in this book? (Although it solves a fanfic problem for me! Hee hee!) (Answer: It's also mentioned here.)

Just before Kristy was going to suggest that things weren’t working out with Wendy (who hasn’t been mentioned since chapter 10, and this is chapter 14), Wendy quits the club. I like Stacey’s take on things: She wasn’t nearly as upset about the whole Wendy thing because she figures that Wendy and Kristy are just two of a kind: ‘headstrong and determined to do things their own way,’ as Jessi says. I love that Stacey has a really good read on Kristy; this isn’t the only time she’s been able to figure Kristy out. I can’t remember every incident, but she definitely figures out Kristy has a crush in SS#15 before Kristy does.

And of course, Shannon just happens to be free(r), starting days after Wendy quits, so she can take over the role of  alternate officer until Dawn comes back.

The BSC goes roller skating because they are all miraculously free one afternoon. Even Mal skates, despite being tired. Mal, Shannon and Jessi are on regular skates while Kristy, Claudia and Stacey are in roller blades. No mention is made of what Mary Anne is doing, so maybe she’s not skating at all (even though we knowshe does sometimes.)

I just realized that there are only two more Jessi books left for me to blog, one I don’t (yet) own, and another I’ve never read.

Outfits

Just for fun today, we are going to play a game with the outfits. I’m not going to tell you who wore them; you get to guess. I may or may not give the answers in the next post.

1. Oversized white shirt, black vest covered in beads, neon green leggings, black beaded ballet slippers, one bead earring and one green hoop earring

2. Faded lavender sweat outfit under a blue terrycloth robe

3. Hot pink stirrup pants, fuzzy pink sweater, neon green pads and helmet

4. Jeans, brown leather jacket, black and silver helmet

Costumes (I will not make you guess who is who here)

Suzi as the Wicked Queen: mom’s dress, bright red lipstick and a crown

Adam as the Magic Mirror: his dad’s bathrobe, even though he complained it looked like a dress

Vanessa as the Woodsman: green tights under gym shorts, a blouse, and a felt hat

Marilyn/Carolyn as Snow White: black wig, blue cape and apparently, nothing else (racy! I guess the BSC is making a porno.)

Buddy as Captain Planet: a Captain Planet Halloween costume

Haley as Swamp Thing: green crepe paper

Marnie as Dopey, Margo as Sneezy, Matt as Grumpy, Nicky as Bashful, Laurel as Doc, Norman as Happy and Sarah as Sleepy: ‘Zorb’ hats, pointy ears, and character appropriate accessories

New characters:

Sally, Jenny and Jeannette Clune (10, 8 and 6): 32, 30 and 28

Next week: Mystery #11: Claudia and the Mystery at the Museum

“How about if we rendezvous at the front counter? I’ll be the guy holding the chocolate shake.” BSC #61: Jessi and the Awful Secret (1993)

Despite what I said last week, there will be no making fun of anorexia. (Even I have standards, no matter how low they may be!) There are enough other things to make fun of in this book anyway!

Jessi’s dance school is offering a free ballet class for underprivileged kids. Jessi and her classmate Mary volunteer to assist with the class, and Jessi notices that Mary is dieting to the extreme. She decides (with the help of the BSC) that Mary is anorexic. Eventually, she tells Mme. Noelle, who helps Mary get the help she needs. Meanwhile, because some of the kids are really getting into the ballet class, Watson agrees to fund a scholarship so that two of the children can continue.

In the B plot, Kristy’s been busier than normal, while Shannon’s been less busy than normal. Shannon starts hanging out with all the other BSC members, and Kristy gets jealous and accuses her of stealing her friends.

Interesting Tidbits

The cover. Mary looks younger than Jessi, which we know isn’t true, because Jessi’s the youngest member of her class. Other than that, it’s not bad. I’m assuming those kids are Martha and Devon.

I don’t remember how many times I read this as a kid, but this is the first time I’m rereading it as an adult. I’m looking for all the signs and symptoms of anorexia as I read. The first time Mary is mentioned, Jessi notes that she’s a control freak and a perfectionist. A few pages later, she mentions needing to lose weight.

Um….special. Jessi mentions that Mal thinks she’s ugly, but she’s not that bad. Then, she says that Mal is so nice and wonderful inside that when you spend enough time with her, she starts to seem pretty. I get the idea behind this, but it’s actually pretty insulting. (I really, actually do get this. I wasn’t cute in middle school at all. Bad, huge glasses, terrible acne, greasy hair in a bad style, plus awful mid-90s clothes. I’m a hell of a lot cuter now.) Wouldn’t it be nicer if Jessi just said, “Mal doesn’t think she’s pretty, but she actually is.”

At one point, Schafer is misspelled as Shafer, despite the fact that it was correct earlier in the same paragraph.

I’m trying to figure out what it is about Claudia that she can look cool wearing something that the rest of the world would look terrible wearing. They say that in a lot of books. Is it because Claudia is Japanese-American and 'exotic looking'?

There are four other teens helping with the children’s dance class with Jessi and Mary. One is Vince, whom Jessi is able to distinguish from the other boy because Mary says he’s a snob and he looks like a snob. (Apparently, in BSC-land, you have to be blond and rich to be a snob. Vince is blond and stands up very straight. The only other time I can remember them worrying about snobs it was Amanda and Shannon, and they’re both blonde, too.) Then there are Darcy, Raul (whom Mary thinks is cute) and Sue.

The kids in the class include Devon, Martha, Nora, Jane, Yvonne, Cherisse, Alphonse,

I don’t know why, but I had a good laugh when Jessi feels the need to explain that Linny is a boy.

I would have loved the game Let’s All Come In as a kid, except for the fact that Karen rules the game with an iron fist. The Karen thing aside, I do think it’s unfair that the boy (usually David Michael, but Linny this time) is forced to be the bell hop every time they play.

More signs of anorexia (Jessi picks up on these ones): Mary is constantly checking herself out in the mirror, more than the other dancers do, and pinching at her alleged tub or chub. (Tub is on the stomach, chub is on the thighs. My mom says this is technical terminology. Thanks, mom.) She also wears oversized clothes, which keeps people from seeing how much weight you’ve lost, and of course, she barely eats and pushes the food around, breaking it up, so it looks like she’s eaten something.

So of course, because Mary’s not eating, she gets faint and nearly passes out. I could never be anorexic because I nearly did that because I didn’t have enough protein for breakfast this morning.

The title quote is what Jessi’s dad says when she asks him to pick her up at Burger King…but wait outside for her. She’s already embarrassed by her dad. They grow up so fast!

Kristy keeps getting irritated because she’s super busy and doesn’t have time to hang out with Shannon, so Shannon is calling all the other BSC members to chill instead. (I guess she’s between activities?) But Shannon calling all the other members is her idea, so I’m not entirely sure why she’s so huffy. Maybe she should just take fewer sitting jobs herself? Then she’d have time to hang out, too.

Kristy’s going out with Bart for the evening, so Stacey babysits for the Thomas/Brewer crew. Elizabeth says that Kristy, Sam or Charlie should be home by eleven. Um, really? Kristy’s in freakin’ middle school! I had a ten p.m. curfew until I was 18. Now, I know my mom was a little…overprotective…but eleven seems a little ridiculous for someone who doesn't even wear a bra yet.

I guess it’s not so silly in BSC-land, because Shannon’s curfew is also eleven.

Mary faints in their regular Friday ballet class. Mme. Noelle suggests she eat some chicken soup to ward off the ‘virus’ she has. Jessi suggests the advice is wiser than Mme. Noelle suspects. But Mme. Noelle’s not exactly a noob. She’s been a dancer and a teacher for a while, so she must have seen eating disorders over and over again.

There’s this thing about how it’s harder being a minority ballet dancer than a white dancer. Raul, who is Latino, keeps raging that Mme. Dupres, who is running the free dance class, expects nothing out of the kids because they’re poor and a number of them are minorities. Later, he says that Mme. Dupres was too hard on Devon when he was being disruptive just because he’s also Latino and poor.

Kristy asks Jessi to come sit at her house because everyone else is going to hang out with Shannon. But here’s what made me laugh: Kristy’s going to be a planning meeting for the spring dance. Doesn’t that sound more like something Stacey, or maybe Claudia or even Dawn would do before Kristy?

Jessi actually asks Aunt Cecelia for advice about Mary. Not only is AC helpful (and gives the right advice), she actually compliments Jessi. She tells Jessi she has good instincts.

Claudia spelling: usualy, deap, breth, relly, nock, thogh, Tifany

One of the girls in the class, Martha, has clearly taken ballet lessons before, but insists she never has. Eventually her mother admits that she’d scrimped and saved to enroll Martha in classes, but stopped because someone told her that there was no room for people of color in professional ballet. But seeing Jessi in the class makes her feel better about it, and Martha tries for (and gets) one of the scholarships.

The other kid who gets a scholarship is Devon, who was a problem for the first few weeks of the class. However, after Mme. Dupres kicks him out of class one week, he comes back and behaves and develops some good skills.

Outfits:

Claudia: neon green tank top, fuchsia stirrup pants, oversized white man’s shirt, colorful woven belt, ceramic bead earrings

Jessi: (don’t get all excited; it’s just dancewear) neon green leotard, blue workout pants, yellow slouchy socks (so…very…bright…)

Mary: big white shirt, gray sweats

Next week: Mystery #7: Dawn and the Disappearing Dogs

“Thus speaks the famous Dr. Stacey McGill, child psychologist.” BSC #55: Jessi’s Gold Medal (1992)

I had this read a week ago but had some problems posting it. Oh well, it means you get two for the price of one this week!

Jessi, in the place of gym class, is taking synchronized swimming. Her partner is a girl named Elise who, of course, is never seen again after this book. (I think the Mafia is involved.) The two of them enter the SMS Sports Festival and come in first, but both decide they prefer their other activities—ballet and swim team. Kristy and Alan are also in competition, while Mal actually injures herself while faking an injury to get out of being in the Festival

Meanwhile, the BSC decides to put on a mini-‘Lympics (my term) for their sitting charges. There’s a bunch of stuff going on with that, but it’s boring. Most of the main plot points will be in the tidbits.

Interesting Tidbits

The cover: That’s Jessi and her partner, Elise, doing their synchro. Interestingly, Elise is described as being black haired in the book. Also, I feel like most swimmers wear swim caps.

“Horses sweat, gentlemen perspire, ladies glow!” Thank you for that tidbit, Mme. Noelle. (I wonder what it would sound like with her awful fake French accent.)

Who the hell buys their daughter a ‘plain white’ swimsuit? See-through much? Even Becca thinks so, because she colors hers with markers.

Remedial swimming sounds awesome. Do they have floaties on for that?

I’m trying to figure out the logic of this. The summer Olympics are usually in August, right? Well, this book takes place during the spring, so I guess AMM and Peter Lerangis were just hoping we wouldn’t notice the difference between August and April.

Becca wants to know if the Olympics will ever be held in Stoneybrook. If I were on the Olympic Committee, I’d vote for it!

Jessi comes into a BSC meeting and finds Kristy and Stacey stretched out on Claudia’s rug…doing the breast stroke. With Claudia’s room being such a rat hole, I can only imagine the kind of things they’re stirring up.

“A week of personal service.” Alan bet Kristy that he could beat her at any event, and this is their wager. And of course, my mind didn’t go straight into the gutter. Not at all.

Mistake: Kristy says Linny is eight. He’s nine.

Poor Andrew. He’s complaining he’s not good at anything. He’s only four, and all the other kids can run faster, throw better and jump higher. I bet he wouldn’t feel so bad if they put him in a contest with a bunch of other four year olds (Jamie, Archie, Nina, Jenny, etc.) He’d be pretty even-steven. But of course Linny and Bill and that lot are going to make him feel small and useless, since they’re so much older.

Jessi’s talking about ballet moves (I won’t repeat them, because they might put me to sleep) and Elise responds, “I thought they were French pastries.”

At one point, Mama is spelled as Mamma.

Kristy says “right” with a mouth full of pretzels and apparently, it comes out “wood”. That doesn’t even sound accurate, but I’m not going to stuff my mouth full of food and talk just to test it out.

Jessi keeps worrying about being the worst in her synchro class, but she just joined a few weeks before. All the other girls had been there for at least a few weeks longer than she had. Of course they’re better at it than she is. I mean, I know the BSC are all super-awesome and way talented at everything they do, but it’s not realistic for her to expect to pick up all the synchronized swimming moves in just a few weeks.

Claudia spelling! Beleive, twelv, thru, Saterday, laest, intacked (intact), Olimpyks, acident (that was after she tried twice to spell casualty) sessin, extpretion. She also uses their for there, may be for maybe and pour for poor.

Mallory actually tries to sprain her ankle so she doesn’t have to take part in the sports festival. Why doesn’t she just do what Mary Anne did and say she doesn’t want to take part? Jessi says she is a terrible actress. (I am not surprised by that last fact.)

This sounds like a conversation between me and my friends when I was Jessi’s age:

            Jessi: Maybe we should run away.

            Elise: Or hire doubles to take our place.

            Jessi: Or secretly drain the pool!

Elise and Jessi are so paranoid that they look terrible and are going to embarrass themselves, but a guy walks by and tells them they look fantastic. Instead of taking that as a compliment, they assume the guy doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

This Sports Festival makes no sense. It’s not mandatory, which is fair enough. But it happens during the school day, one event at a time. So the kids who enter are in an event and everyone else (including lots of parents…during the day…on a Wednesday) sit around and watch. That sounds very poorly planned for any number of reasons.

Umm, why are they building a concession stand right before the festival starts? Doesn’t SMS already have a concession stand, and if not, then why wait until minutes before the event starts, when all the concessions are already…concessed?

I need to reread this book and count how many times they use the term ‘synchro.’

Kristy gets embarrassed? I didn’t know such a thing was possible.

Charlotte doesn’t want to be involved in the Mini-‘lympics, but Stacey tries to talk her into it. When Stacey realizes Charlotte thinks she’s mad at her, she gets Mary Anne to call her. (‘Cause MA doesn’t want to be in the festival, get it?) But what’s interesting is that when MA calls Char to talk about how it’s okay to not be a jock, Charlotte is the one to point out that MA sounds mad about it. She convinces her to support her friends and not be upset because she’s too un-jocky. Or klutzy or sensitive or whatever.
Of course, Elise and Jessi win first place. Duh. I mean, the title of the book is “Jessi’s Gold Medal,” not “Jessi’s Last Place Finish” or “Jessi’s Horrible Embarrassment.”

Because Kristy won the race and the “week of personal service,” she makes Alan come to the BSC ‘lympics and set up for her. She also makes him call her ma’am. This is almost disappointing compared to some of the dirty thoughts I had about it. Although, she does make him clean up when Jamie throws up in his potato sack.

I’m disturbed that Richard knows who Alan is. I mean, I know MA’s known him since kindergarten or so, but unless he used to throw birthday parties for Mary Anne where her whole class was invited, how does he know Alan? It’s not as if MA would invite him over or anything.

There’s something funny about Mallory using a cane to deal with her sprain. I keep waiting for her to wave it and shout ‘Get off my lawn, you kids!’

The ‘lympics seem really badly organized as well. Basically, there’s someone running each event (a BSC member or parent) and then kids just go wherever they want and do whatever they want whenever they feel like it. I guess that’s better than having 4 million kids sitting around while one event at a time runs, but it’s hard to give awards when you can’t see everyone at every event.

Poor Andrew. He enters everything and ends up basically in last place in everything he does, even a ‘cross country’ race with only other kids his age. He winds up crying. But he does feel a lot better when he wins the “Most Determined” award.

And then Dawn gets the “deep” award for pointing this out: “They’re just kids, but sometimes you can really learn things from them.” Um, you’re just a kid, too, Dawn. Don’t forget that.

And the ending is so stupid, I just want to smack Kristy. YECH!

I’m getting irritated with the wiki source that I used to order my books. This one advertises Logan’s Story as ‘coming soon’, while that title mentioned SS#8 as ‘coming soon.’ Oh, well. I’m in the right general order, right? But the OCD in me is showing through.

Outfits

Claudia: pastel-green shorts, Hawaiian shirt, sandals criss-crossing up her legs (Claudia loves these sandals but they don’t sound comfortable); electric pink (it’s electric, boogie-oogie-oogie) track shorts with turquoise stripes and matching shirt, hightops without socks, pink floral suspenders, silver Olympic symbol hair clip

Coming up next: Mystery #5 Mary Anne and the Secret in the Attic. I haven’t read it since about 1993, but I remember laughing at MA a lot.

“How come detectives always have a chubby friend?” BSC #42: Jessi and the Dance School Phantom (1991)

Totally embarrassing admission: when I first read this at age ten, I totally couldn’t figure out who “did it” until the BSC did. I haven’t reread this one since age twelve or so, but I still remember the ending. Jessi gets the part of Princess Aurora in Sleeping Beauty but someone’s jealous and keeps trying to sabotage her. They come up with a trap to corner the saboteur, who turns out to be Hilary, whose stage mother is a raging bitch.

Meanwhile, the BSC throws a pet show (talk about weird and random) and all the kids get super competitive, so Jessi comes up with the ‘genius’—and totally obvious—idea of giving everyone a prize of some variety.

Interesting Tidbits

Cover Time! (Great, now I have MC Hammer playing in my head. Appropriate for this era, no?) Jessi looks cute in her little dance skirt, which is not normally part of her dance attire. But a couple comments on Dawn’s outfit: first, I think she’s worn a very similar outfit on several covers (including last week, when I didn’t comment on the cover at all. A shocking oversight!) Second, I think two of my coworkers were wearing the same outfit last week…if you remove her loafers and replace them with Vans.

I like that there’s consistency in the names of all of Jessi’s ballet class members. Someone’s read the other Jessi books! There’s Katie Beth (who has the deaf sister), and Mary (who later has anorexia), and Carrie (whom they always refer to as being ‘old’ and graduating soon) and Lisa. And of course, Hilary.

I don’t know why, but every time they describe Squirt as being five pounds, eight ounces, I think, “That’s not that small,” even though it is pretty small for a non-NICU baby.

Becca, after hearing that Jessi has to kiss a boy: “I’d rather kiss Misty.” Sounds like a typical eight year old. Actually, I think I kissed a boy for the first time at eight, so never mind.

I have always remembered Jessi’s description of how to break in toe shoes by banging them against the banister.

Ooh, let’s list all the clues that Hilary’s the culprit. We find about her jerk-o mom pretty early on, and then when Jessi’s toe shoes go missing, she’s the one who suggests they check “one more time” after Mme. Noelle cancels class.

The ghostwriters sure love the whole scary note thing, don’t they? Jessi’s first one says BEWARE.

This is during the MA/Logan breakup, and Jessi says the two of them are still really good friends. That doesn’t sound accurate to the two Mary Anne books on the topic.

Ooh, fake gossip! Someone named Jennifer Cooke looked like a cross between Princess Di (third time she’s come up in about a month) and Minnie Mouse. I’m trying hard to picture this and…nope.

A second note: WATCH YOUR STEP. This happens when someone steals Jessi’s spare dance outfit.

Ooh, let’s reference really awful Little Sister books! How many BSC fans actually read those books? I did, only because they were already in my house and I read everything I could get ahold of. This one is the Hannie/Scott “marriage”. I only mention that because Hannie offers to let Scott enter Noodle the Poodle in the pet show, then withdraws the offer. Scott asks if that means they’re getting a divorce, which totally cracked me up.

More Hilary clues: she snarks at Jessi and tells her she’s been “sleeping on the job.” She’s also the one to discover that Jessi slipped and fell because the floor was wet and slick.

Note numero tres: I TOLD YOU SO. FROM NOW ON, WATCH OUT. Oh, and they’re all written in this blood red pen.

Yay, more continuity! When Jessi hurts her ankle during the fall, her dad takes her to Dr. Dellenkamp.

Jessi gets all kindsa paranoid and starts suspecting everyone in her dance class. Carrie, because she told her the wrong dance move right before she hurt herself. Lisa, because she’s “too nice.” (That makes me laugh.)

Another note. Like last week, I’d be running to my mommy if I got notes like these. IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE. TOO BAD IT WASN’T.

More laughing: Mary Anne says the person writing the notes sounds “mean.” I’d have used words like “psychopath” or “nutcase.”

Did you know Mrs. Barrett looks like a model? I mean, you might have forgotten, since I haven’t mentioned it in a while.

Once again, poor Charlie has taken leave of his sense and driven six BSC members to Jessi’s dance rehearsal. And they totally embarrass him by acting like teenagers. They’re all pinching each other (about five of them are crushed together in the backseat, with Mallory sitting on Claudia’s lap). And then Dawn and Claudia shout at a hot guy. I’m mostly amused by this because when I was about Charlie’s age, I was in the car with a guy who decided to yell, “Hey, look at that ugly dude!” while we were stuck in a traffic jam. With our windows open. And the “dude” heard him! Luckily, he just laughed, but that could have gone badly.

Jessi finds her old dance leotard in her dance bag—shredded. Okay, I get upping the creep factor, but after the leotard was stolen, she bought a new dance bag with a lock on it. So how’d that get in there?

New note, attached to red rose: WATCH OUT FOR THE THORNS. This is followed by a whole bunch of others that aren’t too terribly interesting, but they help Jessi rule out Carrie as a suspect.

The title line is Mallory’s response to Stacey calling Claudia the Nancy Drew of Stoneybrook, and Claudia asking who would be Bess. I’ve never read Nancy Drew, but I do know enough to recognize the names Bess, George and Ned from the series.

Speaking of, I was asking Tessie the other day how come there aren’t any chubby people in this series. There’s only Norman, who gets called out every now and then and they always have to point out how fat he is. It’s mean. They point out how short Mary Anne and Kristy are, so why not have an overweight sitter? Come to think of it, I would have LOVED it when I was a kid reading these if one of the girls had had a serious acne problem, as I did (and still sometimes do.) But none of them does—just the occasional pimple in a super special.

Another part of this book I always remembered: When Jessi finally corners Hilary to make her write a sign—so that she can “catch” her using the red calligraphy pen used to write the notes—she’s been practicing the moment in her mind for days. Yet she never plans what she’s going to ask Hilary to write!

Jessi comes up with the “great idea” to give every pet a prize, but here’s the thing: someone’s feelings are still going to be hurt. Some of the prizes are way better than the others. For example, would you be happy with “Shortest legs” when someone else got “Smartest pet”? Of course, I’ve only ever been in one pet show, and I won first place in the “Pet that looks most like its owner” category, so who am I to talk? I thought that was a great compliment at the time. (I took the neighbor’s golden retriever, and I had long, blonde hair. I wore all yellow and sat next to the dog, panting.)

All of the BSC goes to Jessi’s performance, so Logan babysits Squirt. He’s probably just relieved that they didn’t ask him to go to the ballet.

Outfits

Jessi: black velvet dress

Claudia: shimmery dark-blue minidress, hair braided with silver ribbons, silver sandals that lace up the calves (Claud LUVS those sandals)

Stacey: tuxedo

Kristy: dress

Mallory: skirt and blouse

Dawn: Laura Ashley dress

Mary Anne: pink jumpsuit (NOOOO, MA, don’t go to the dark side!)

Becca: ruffly pink party dress

Coming up next: We’re headed to an NYC hospital, because it’s Stacey’s Emergency.

“You two sound cuckoo.” BSC #27: Jessi and the Superbrat (1989)

This is a short one, not because the book is awful, but because I’m reading while battling a respiratory infection and going on thirty-six hours with no sleep.

Before I start, two things. 1) Does anyone know if Stoneybrook High School has an established mascot? I seem to remember one but can’t recall what it was.

2) I nearly wrote Superbra instead of Superbrat a few times while writing this. Jessi and the Superbra might have been more interesting.

Jessi’s star-struck when she discovers that one of the stars of Becca’s favorite television show, Derek Masters, lives in Stoneybrook when he’s not working in L.A. (or as Becca calls it, L.P.) Coincidentally—or not so much, for a BSC book—the Masterses come back to Stoneybrook shortly thereafter. Jessi’s hired for a bunch of jobs with Derek and his little brother and discovers that Derek’s having a hard time fitting back in. The girls are all star-struck and the boys make fun of him. He mentions one particular boy, whom Jessi calls the Superbrat, who does a bunch of nasty things to him. Claudia helps him make friends and, just before he moves back to L.A., Derek admits that the Superbrat never existed—all the things he said the brat did, Derek actually did to other boys in the class.

Meanwhile, Derek tells Jessi she could be a model and actress, so she actually looks into getting an agent while in the midst of auditioning for Swan Lake. But when she gets a part, she realizes that ballet is her real love.  

Interesting Tidbits

The cover of this book cracks me up. All four of the boys (presumably Derek and the Pike triplets) are seriously disturbing in appearance, and Jessi’s proportioned like a flat-chested Barbie: her head is too tiny for her body, while her legs are super long. And let’s not even talk about the awesome outfit. (She’s trendy Kristy—in jeans, turtleneck and sweater/sweatshirt.) Also, why does everyone have their own birdie? That’s not how badminton is usually played…

 

 

Weird! When I went looking for this cover online, I found one where they had redone Jessi’s face so that she looks like does in the much later covers. But they didn’t change anything else. She looks closer to 11 than thirty that way though.

 

I think that of all the characters in the books, I was the most like Becca when I was growing up. I was all quiet and shy around strangers, and a loud nutcase at home. Oh, and I had giant crushes on television stars…only mine were on Steve Burton and Shemar Moore. Yummy.

Jessi keeps confusing Derek with his brainiac character, Waldo, to the point that she thinks that he might be able to help her with her sixth grade science homework.

Mallory suggests a television show: Babysitter for the Stars. A) That sounds like something Kristy would come up with…and then actually try to pitch to a network and B) Didn’t that air on some cable network sometime in the last ten years?

At one point, Jordan is spelled as Jordon.

Ugh, Karen. Say no more.

Okay, say more. Jessi says Karen chews on life the way a puppy chews on a slipper. That’s…both accurate and hilarious. She leaves behind a hot mess when she’s done.

Why the &$^! would Kristy tell Karen that there’s a celebrity in Stoneybrook? Even at six, she’s the type who would stalk someone. Plus, she thinks she’s going to be the next star. We all know the only thing Karen could star on would be an obnoxious reality show. Oooh, I’m thinking of a fanfic where Karen is one of the contestants on The Bachelor. (I will not actually be writing it…the most Karen is allowed to show up in my stories is as a mention, and even then, just about everyone has to be disdainful of her.)

I always wonder why Kristy agrees to let Hannie and Amanda come over at the same time when she knows the two of them just argue all the time.

Then again, I always wonder why ANYONE wants to spend time with Karen. She’s bossy, rude, bratty and self-centered. And those are her better points.

Jessi: I can’t get all my hair to stay in the elastic, Daddy. Mr. Ramsey: Did you try gluing it? (And then he offers to shave her head to solve the problem. Can he be my dad?)

Claudia spelling: meen (and that’s her third try!), realy, nise, Derich, reelly, whent, Derick, frends, fingirs. And of course, she writes the entry because she’s…babbysitting!

Ooh, Mary Anne forgot to write down a job! Shocking!

Mrs. Masters is NOT good at keeping a secret. The BSC hosts a surprise party for Derek before he leaves, and Mrs. Masters keeps not-so-subtly asking Jessi if they need more items for the party. It reminded me of when I taught school and my students and I threw a surprise party for our paraprofessional. The kids kept saying things like, “Miss, what kind of cake do you like to eat at parties?” (The title quote is Derek’s response to the conversation.)

You got to wonder why the Masterses even bother coming and going from Stoneybrook. Wouldn’t it be easier on Derek and Todd (and their parents as well) if they just moved to L.A. until Derek was done? If he plans to be a working child actor, it seems to be pointless.

Remember when cereal boxes had prizes in them?

Eight year old Derek has better spelling than Claudia.

Outfits:

Claudia: pink t-shirt, red skirt, black footless tights

New characters:

Derek and Todd Masters (8 and 4)—33 and 29

Next week: Yay, it’s super special time!