So the plot of this one
is pretty simple but silly. Stacey has just left, and Mallory and Jessi have
just joined the club. (For some reason, I almost wrote clove there. Sometimes,
my brain makes NO sense.) Dawn's all jealous and insecure for a variety of
reasons, so when Mrs. Pike asks her to help coach Margo and Claire for the
titular pageant, she jumps at the chance to show everyone she's a good sitter.
Claudia, Mary Anne and Kristy also find girls to coach and make the whole thing
into a contest. Problem is, most of the girls they're coaching really have no
shot at winning--they're not particularly polished or talented.
Meanwhile, Jeff's been
acting like a little butthead for several books now, and he begs Sharon to be
allowed to move back to California with his dad. Eventually she agrees, and
Dawn sulks and acts like a butthead herself for a while before he leaves.
Interesting Tidbits
Is that supposed to be
the girls from the book on the cover? They seem awfully tall for five, six and
seven year olds.
I love how, in most of
the books, they're all like, "Claudia's the vice president but mostly just
because she has her own phone, not because she has any talents or
anything."
Heh. This is pre-Bart,
and Dawn says Kristy thinks boys were put on the planet to annoy her.
Dr. Johanssen calls and
specifically asks for Claudia to sit for Charlotte, which leads to Kristy, Dawn
and MA getting all jealous and listing all the "awesome" sitting
things they have done in the past.
Kristy makes up an oath
Jessi and Mallory take to be inducted into the club. Claudia and Dawn roll
their eyes but Mary Anne bursts into tears because it's so beautiful. Yeah...
Jeff's teacher
called because Jeff gave another kid a black eye for the second time. If Jeff
were in school these days, he'd probably spend more time suspended than in
class.
Claudia likes to
read the crime watch in the newspaper. She tells Dawn that last Halloween, 42
pumpkins were smashed. I don't even think a pumpkin smashing would show up in
my local paper.
Here's what cracks
me up about the whole pageant thing. Usually, it's Dawn going around talking
about how stuff is sexist; instead, it's Claudia making that point about the
pageant.
At one point, Jessi
is spelled as Jessie.
Mrs. Pike says she
doesn't see any good reason why Claire and Margo can't enter the contest. Well,
what about the cost? My sister wanted to enter a teen pageant and the cost just
to enter was $500. That didn't include any of the attire, shoes or other
accessories she would have had to buy.
Dawn describes
Karen as "funny, daring, imaginative [and] outspoken." How about
"hammy, irritating, annoying and loud-mouthed"?
Kristy tells Karen
about the pageant because she knows it's right up her alley, and then Kristy
will have someone to prepare like Dawn does.
Claire, Margo and
Karen's "talents" are truly awful. They all stubbornly insist on particular
ideas. Margo peels bananas with her feet. (Dawn has her saying a recitation
while doing it during the pageant.) Both Claire and Karen sing, but their
choice of songs are silly. Claire does the Popeye song while Karen sings thirty
billion verses of the Wheels on the Bus and bores the judges.
At this stage in
the series, the rule is "two sitters for more than five kids" and it
applies only to the Pike household.
Anytime AMM
describes the Perkins girls, I roll my eyes. Ever since I learned they really
exist and are the daughters of her friend, I get annoyed by how perfect she
makes them in the book. It's hardly surprising when MA talks Myriah into
joining the pageant, because she actually has real talent. But what is she
doing suggesting a pageant to a little girl who definitely would want to get
involved, without asking the parents first?
Mrs. Perkins agrees
to let Myriah be in the pageant, but she gives her and MA the speech that all
of the girls needed to hear: that there are more losers than winners, and
she'll probably lose, but her parents will be proud of her either way. Of
course, Myriah actually comes in second, and all the girls agree she should
have won.
Claudia spelling!
dosnt, babysiting, becuase, shold, begining, Johanssin, gues, hapened, whith,
abot, pagent, realy, whants, Piks, Maria (instead of Myriah). She also uses
taked for talked, your for you're, and well for we'll. The kickers? She spells
Charlotte as both Charlitte and Charlite and then spells Stacey wrong!
Dawn says Claudia's
not a slob, because Kristy's a slob. It's one aspect of Kristy's personality
they drop after the early books, probably mostly because Claudia really is kind
a slob.
Claudia really
bullies Charlotte into agreeing to enter the pageant. Of all the parents, hers are
the ones I'm most surprised agreed to let her be involved at all. They know
she's shy and they could probably guess how the whole thing was going to end.
(I knew when I read it when I was ten.)
If Claire can't
tell time, why does she wear a watch?
During their dress
rehearsal, Dawn asks Margo what her greatest hope is, and she says "global
peace." Next, she asks Claire what three things she would rescue if her
house caught on fire, and she answers, "My family, global peace, and the
fire extinguisher." Later, when asked how she would make the world a
better place, Claire says she'd make everyone be friends and give them all free
McDonald's French fries.
Jeff likes playing
with the "plasticizing machine." I honestly don't remember those at
all. I'm completely blanking on what they look like.
Margo picks out
Sabrina Bouvier just by her name. I'm convinced that AMM must have known a
Sabrina Bouvier in real life, because there's two of them in the series and
neither one is a very pleasant character. (This Sabrina is a JonBenet Ramsey
clone; the other's a bitch at the middle school.) This one made me want to turn
on some Toddlers and Tiaras...
The head judge is
named Mrs. Peabody and she used to own a charm school. There's almost no other
career someone named Mrs. Peabody could have.
Poor Charlotte
memorizes as recitation for her talent, but forgets the words and runs offstage
crying. Claudia has to find her parents.
During the pageant,
Claire gets asked what she hopes for most, and she says that she hopes Santa is
real. Karen gets the fire question and tries to rescue five things, including
all her toys. Margo gets a question where she can use her "global
peace" answer--at least she could if Sabrina hadn't use it as her
answer right before Margo. (BTW, Margo gets asked what she hopes will happen by
2010. It's very weird reading that now. It's like the episode of the Simpsons
where we see Lisa's wedding, also in 2010.)
Cheese-tastic
ending: Claire calls Dawn (how does she know her number anyway?) and wants her
to help her enter a Beautiful Child contest. (One of the prizes is a supply of
Turtle Wax. Why does any child need that?)
Next month: Happy
Birthday, Shannon!
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