This is
one of those books where I go into it hoping that it’s not nearly as bad as I
expect it’s going to be. Look at the cover for a second. Yes, Tess wasn’t
exactly fashionable for 1997, but neither were some of these other kids. And
the back cover is so condescending toward Tess: “Why won’t Tess wise up?
Doesn’t she want Stacey’s help?”
(Really bad cover copy, sorry.)
Umm,
no. I’ve never read this, but I’m pretty sure Tess never walked up to Stacey
and said, “Look, the kids are all making fun of me. Can you give me fashion
tips?”
I was
way more of a Tess than a Stacey in middle school, believe me.
So Tess
Swinhart is new at SMS, and Stacey and the other kids think she’s strange.
After she accidentally ruins the papier-mâché Stacey and Barbara* were working
on and then dumps some papier-mâché on Alan, he nicknames her Swine-heart the
Destroyer, because her upturned nose and taste for pink clothing make her look
vaguely like a pig. It gets worse and worse until a football game where it all
comes to a head. Everyone is voting for a new school mascot, and one of the
choices is pig. Someone pastes a picture of Tess over the pig picture, and
Stacey doesn’t realize it before she holds it up. People start throwing things
at Tess and she falls out of the bleachers, breaking her ankle and spraining
her wrist. She then tells Stacey off, because she figured out some time back
that Stacey didn’t really like her for her. She does let Stacey help her get
back at a boy who was trying to embarrass her, and she ends up good friends
with Barbara. And Stacey realizes she was kind of a jerk.
Meanwhile,
Jackie and Nicky have been acting odd, with Nicky putting on fake muscles and
acting like Jackie’s bodyguard. Eventually, Jackie is able to ‘use his words’
to sort out the disagreement with the three boys, and they’re all friends
again. So intellectually stimulating, it hurts.
Interesting
Tidbits
*Unlike
last week, when I couldn’t place Ethan, I remembered Barbara right away. Even
if I’d forgotten, she’s introduced as, basically, the girl whose best friend
died in the drunk driving accident. (#93)
Right
off the bat, when we meet Tess, one of the first things that gets described is
her outfit. Stacey hates it, but I thought two things. 1. I love retro clothes,
so I drooled at the white blouse with Peter Pan collar. 2. If Claudia had worn
it, Stacey would have thought it looked great. (C’mon, you know you were
thinking it too!)
Also,
Tess is described as ‘five foot nine and big boned’ and I was wondering, who’s
that big in eighth grade? Then I remembered that my best friend from school was
even taller (she’s now six foot) and had a solid frame like that, so I shut my
mouth.
HA!
Claudia: “I’m sure some people think I’m strange because of the way I dress.”
Truer words have never been written.
Stacey’s
English class is studying The Canterbury
Tales. I really hope they’re reading the sparky bits!
King
shows up in the story, subtly continuing the pig theme by calling Tess Babe. It
actually worked, because he acted like he was flirting with her, calling her
Babe because he was interested…not because of the then-current pig movie.
Tess
wears huge black-framed glasses, so Stacey tries to drop hints to her, suggesting
she should get contact lenses. These days, Tess would be so fashionable and
hipster! (Oh, and Stacey brings it up by asking Barbara if she knows Mallory,
since Mal wants contacts. Barbara thinks that Mal is cute, which goes along
with my theory that Mal actually is a lot cuter than she thinks she is…she’s
just awkward and not sure of herself.)
Claudia
spelling! Defanately, sumthing, bruther, secrut, ajent, mishon, wut, culd. She
also uses wright for right.
Ooh, I
love when they reference old plot points! “Shannon thinks Shea has a crush on
Claudia.” Not only is this a great referral to #63, but Shannon did hang out
with them quite a bit (and still does on occasion) so it’s fun to bring in her
point of view.
Mrs.
Rodowsky got a new cell phone (cellular phone, of course)! Next thing you know,
they’ll talk about emailing each other. Wacky! (That’s what Shea keeps calling
Jackie, who actually stole his mother’s phone and took it to school with him.
These days, I know kids about his age with cell phones….)
“Glasses
are easier. Besides, I like them.” Yes! I feel that way about contact lenses,
too.
Stacey
keeps trying to help Tess…but only behind the scenes. She keeps pushing her to
wear makeup, dress more fashionably, and be more social. Yet she doesn’t really
want to be her friend; she just sees her as a project. This becomes clear when
she doesn’t invite Tess to sit with her and her friends, but I don’t think
Stacey even realizes it. When Kristy asks her why she didn’t invite Tess to sit
with them, Stacey knows she should have but can’t figure out why she didn’t.
This is it, right here. This is exactly why I never read many of the later
Stacey books until now. This aspect of Stacey—the condescending idea that she
has that because she’s pretty and popular that everyone wants to be like her—is
exactly why I hated the Staceys of my high school.
You
know it’s bad when even Claudia suggests that Stacey’s not really helping Tess.
I wouldn’t say Stacey is as bad as Alan and Cokie, who keep calling Tess names
and making comic strips making fun of her, but trying to force someone to fit
in to one narrow view of how a middle school girl should be isn’t exactly being
nice, either. I was a very square peg at that age, and, like Tess, I didn’t
want to change to fit in. I had a couple friends who accepted me for who I was,
and that was all I really needed.
Stacey
says you can’t feel mascara, but she’s wrong. Tess says it makes her eyes itch
and her eyelashes sticky, but Stacey says you can’t feel your eyelashes. Well,
I have very long eyelashes and they hit my skin and glasses on a regular basis.
If they’re sticky, I know it, and when I first started wearing mascara, I put
on too much of it and it was very sticky and clumpy.
By
chapter ten, the following people have all questioned Stacey’s motives with
Tess: Claudia, Kristy, Mary Anne…and Tess herself. King is still subtly mocking
Tess, and even asks her out on a date to a restaurant called Hog Heaven. But
since Stacey knows he’s teasing her, she keeps telling Tess not to fall for his
crap. Tess thinks Stacey has a thing for King and that’s why she’s so set on
Tess not talking to him. Honestly, if Stacey really wanted to help Tess,
instead of trying to make her conform, she should have told her, “I don’t want
to be rude, but I’d want to know if it were me…” and then tell Tess that
everyone’s making pig jokes about her (based upon her looks, last name and love
of the color pink), and tell Tess she thinks King’s part of it. Stacey just
keeps deflecting Tess from the jokes instead of explaining them.
It gets
even worse when, during the football game, Stacey catches Tess sitting and
reading a magazine while everyone else is cheering. She decides Tess is pigheaded (and then gets mad at herself
for it) but then says the following: I
sighed. Maybe this was all my fault. If I’d sat with her at least I could have
taken the magazine away and made her stand up and cheer. I had my work cut out
for me. Aaaaaand this is where I want to bitch slap Stacey.
Stacey
is the one holding up the pictures of the mascot choices, so a lot of people
think she and Barbara—who was reading the choices out loud—are responsible for
the Tess picture. Stacey didn’t know it was there until she held it up, and as
soon as she realized, she dropped it so no one else could see it, but she still
feels guilty about it. She assumes Barbara does as well, but Barbara says she
feels terrible for Tess but has nothing to feel guilty about. I liked that
because it’s true. Barbara didn’t take that picture and paste it on the poster;
she didn’t know it was there. She’s actually been nice to Tess and never tried
to make her conform, which makes her a nice contrast to Stacey.
The
title quote is what Tess says when Stacey tries to find out why Tess is mad at
her. She says she doesn’t need Stacey’s pity, because she’s happy the way she
is. Go, Tess, go!
Stacey
discovers that Tess’s fashion tastes are what is currently trendy in Paris,
where Tess lived until recently, and suddenly she feels a little differently
about Tess. Once again, that’s what bothers me about Stacey. If, as Tess said,
she’d ever just had a real conversation with her, she might have found out they
liked each other and they could have actually been friends. The whole thing is
totally Stacey’s fault, and it takes her a while to acknowledge that.
This
could have been way worse. If Tess had had less self-esteem, she might have not
stood up for herself, and this might have ended very badly.
Outfits
Tess:
short pink cardigan, white blouse with lace trimmed Peter Pan collar, brown
corduroys, black boots; hot pink sweat suit with lace trim; pink, red and
yellow plaid polyester pantsuit; baggy pink overalls, satin shirt with pink and
green daisies, pink barrette; blue jeans, blue sweatshirt; pink corduroys and
pink nubby sweater; pink blouse with puffy sleeves, short black skirt
Next:
Mystery #31
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