"He's practically one big bald spot by now." BSC Friends Forever #10: Stacey's Problem (2000)

Every time I read this title, I giggle to myself and say, "Stacey has a lot of problems." The one she's referring to here, though, is this: her father announces his engagement right as Stacey's mom has started to seem sad and distant. Stacey wants to help her, so among other things, she tries to find her a date. After running into Laine, she realizes how her mom feels--she may not want Stacey's dad in her life anymore, same as Stacey doesn't want to be friends with Laine any more, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have pleasant memories of their time together.
In the b-plot, Mallory is home from boarding school for the summer. After Claire makes an off-handed comment about Byron being the oldest now that Mal is gone most of the time, Mal realizes that her family has continued on without her. She feels lost in her own home. Then she realizes that part of the problem is that she's changed some as well, but everyone expects her to be who she was before. It's realistic because it's not really resolved; Mal just changes her attitude a little.
Interesting Tidbits
The back cover of the book actually says, IT WILL TAKE ALL OF HER NEW YORK SOPHISTICATION to think of a solution to this one. Good night, Irene, how stupid can this get?
Ms. McGill is making a pizza with Stacey and Claudia as the story opens. She wants to put anchovies on her third of the pizza. Claudia thinks this is reasonable, but Stacey objects: "What if they swim over to the rest of the pizza?" Stacey's mom: "They're dead." (What she really meant was, what if the fishiness 'contaminates' the rest of the pizza?)
An update on the Stacey-and-Ethan coffee situation: now, they both hate coffee. He drinks cocoa, she has tea.
After Stacey's dad announces his engagement to Samantha, he takes the two of them to a restaurant at the top of the World Trade Center. Makes me really wonder what would have happened in the series if it had continued after 9/11.
When Stacey realizes she doesn't know Samantha very well, she starts observing her very closely, trying to learn details about her that way. She wonders to herself whether Samantha's a secret agent or maybe a homicidal maniac. As normal as that is, there's a moment when she contemplates whether Samantha is an alien. Has she been hanging out with Karen, perhaps?
Stacey's mom cries when she learns her ex-husband is getting married...then calls him to congratulate him. Given how upset she feels, that's actually pretty brave of her. Stacey tells her how proud she is. (Stacey's mom also says she doesn't know why she's crying, other than that she doesn't like change. Understandable.)
Stacey offers to stay home from Mallory's welcome home party to keep her mom company. Ms. McGill does something pretty smart and says she'll go out instead. She actually kind of threatens Stacey with it. Not only would it be good for her to get out of the house and try to get out of her funk, but also no sense dragging Stacey and her mom-complex down with her.
Nicky and Vanessa want to fly a very-special flag to welcome Mallory home: a pair of tighty-whites belonging to one of their brothers. Lovely, but very typically Pike.
Claudia references Alan--how she's considering a relationship with him. She mentions the interview he did back in #130, about how no one will give him a chance to be serious. If I remember correctly, she'd gotten mad with him because he'd written something like I Love Alan on a shirt she had planned to decorate. She should wear that the first day of high school.
When Claudia tries to discuss her Alan dilemma with Ms. McGill, the response is, "Well, Anne Bancroft married Mel Brooks." I know who both those people are, but most 13-year-olds probably don't.
Stacey hits the Mallory problem on the head the second she gets Mal talking. When Mal left, she expected that she would slide back into the same role in her family, and that nothing would have changed in her absence. But life goes on. And just as Mal comes back from boarding school a little different--more confident, holding herself better--everything is a little different in the Pike house. When the triplets became the oldest siblings in the house on a daily basis, Byron relished the big brother role and actively took it over. I understand Mallory's point of view entirely--she IS the oldest, and her being in another state doesn't change that--it would make sense that her leaving would cause an opening in the family. It seemed to me that the Pikes were pretty easygoing parents. If someone in the family chose not to do their homework, then that was their choice--they'd just have to accept the consequences (like a bad grade.) Mal always seemed like the one who'd actively convince her sibs to do their homework--or to come down for a group snack--or whatever. And now Byron's taken that same role.
Oh, and then Vanessa's pissed because she feels like Mallory's being an attention hog since she came home. Which is funny, but also pretty realistic.
The title quote is Kristy's comment on the fact that Watson is balding more each day. I'd go bald too, if I had to deal with seven kids and a ridiculous number of pets on a daily basis. Kristy also says she could never go for a bald guy, to which Mary Anne replies, "That's because you're thirteen!" Heh.
Stacey's mom is listening to a CD called "Feelin' Groovy." I actually own a CD by that title.
Ms. McGill mentions how the fall fashion preview gives her a chance to chat with the buyers from other stores that she's met over the years. But she just got her job when she got divorced. While Stacey was in eighth grade. Which she still is. But then again, she did get divorced circa 1989, so she's been doing this job for 10 or more years at this point.
Ms. McGill: "Stacey, I've been dressing myself for years, even before you were born." I'd hope so.
Stacey actually freaks out because she's in Manhattan while her mom is getting ready for a big date. She says she shouldn't be so far away while her mom is at the dance...but, as Ethan says, what would she do if she were in Stoneybrook? Go with her mom on her date? That's not awkward or anything.
I hate when the BSC makes references that point out how old I was when these newer books were published. Like the reference a couple books back to the 'older Parent Trap, only this time, it's a reference to "when Gianni Versace was alive." I didn't really know who he was until he got murdered; I was more into America's Most Wanted (which covered the hunt for his killer) than into fashion.
It's also super weird for Stacey to have her own cell phone. When Cokie had a phone, I could get over it; her parents are rich and she's spoiled. But in my head, BSC members should always have rotary corded phones...think of the original cover for #1....
Stacey runs into Laine while out with her dad and Samantha, and the two of them catch up. When she tells Laine about her fight with Claudia, Laine is quick to point out how much she didn't like Claudia, listing all of Claudia's flaws. Stacey says she knew how much Laine disliked Claudia (although I always remembered that as a jealousy thing). But if you know about the animosity, why say anything at all? You know Laine's not going to be nice about it.
Samantha used to be a model, and she's now a fashion photographer.
Stacey's mom makes a few choices at the end of the book. Firstly, she's reverting to her maiden name as a step of independence and separating herself from the old life she's leaving behind. Second, she's thinking of quitting her job to open her own boutique.
The BSC try to come up with names for Ms. Spencer's (that would be the former Ms. McGill) new clothing store. Kristy suggests Serious Clothing, while Claudia suggests Funky Petunia and Mary Anne votes for Amazing Grace.
Rather than trying to have all the BSC remember her new last name, Stacey's mom suggests they all just call her Maureen. I always called all my parents' friends by their first names, so that just makes sense to me.
HA! Maureen says that the BSC can't work at her store, because they're underage. Yet Mal and Jessi (who are both at the party) have gotten paychecks before. She does, however, want to sell some of Claudia's decorated clothes and jewelry, and Mal offers to learn how to put together a website--something she wanted to learn anyway--and help build the store's website when the time comes.
In the end, various BSC members decide they need to try new things as well...like anchovies.
So what exactly is Stacey's problem? Most of the story, like several other Stacey plots, isn't really about Stacey, but about how she's affected by her parents. The problem here really belongs to Maureen, who feels stuck by a (probably) dead end job and is still mourning the loss of her marriage (ten years later or six months later, depending on how you look at it.) Stacey's problem is actually that she's waaaaay too worried about her mother--who is the adult in the situation. She did the same thing back in #58, when she almost ruined her dad's celebration because her mom was ill. However, this is a nice thing on many levels, because since Stacey and Mom only have each other most of the time, it's good for them to be so close. Also, it's good to see how far her parents have come since #58, when they were sticking Stacey in the middle on a regular basis.
Outfits
Samantha: cream-colored suit; black pants, white t-shirt
Stacey: flare-legged khakis, short-sleeved ribbed tee with one horizonal stripe, platflorm slides (ugh), butterfly clips; khakis, sandals, green sweater
Ms. McGill: shimmery blue dress

"Like you wouldn't just love to sit around discussing the area of a triangle with Wes." BSC FF #6: Stacey and the Boyfriend Trap (2000)

Aaaand the BSC enters the new millennium, with a plot full of ridiculousness.
Stacey's favorite teacher is quitting in the middle of the school year, and Stacey's planning a going away party. This drags various guys she's dated through the books back into her orbit: Pete and Sam, who both had him as a teacher; Robert, who's now good friends with Pete; and Wes the student teacher, who is interviewing for the teacher's job*. Meanwhile, both Ethan and Toby from Sea City will be in town for various reasons the same weekend as the party, AND Stacey's dealing with Jeremy related issues. She's jealous of the amount of time he's spending with Claudia. The two of them wind up breaking up partly because he has feelings for Claudia and partly because they really just don't have that much in common. And Stacey is okay with that.
*Yes, you and I both know Stacey never dated Wes. But Stacey doesn't seem to realize that.
Interesting Tidbits
I'm going to apologize in advance. I had this whole thing written and then...poof! Two thirds of it disappeared. So, since I have to reread most of the book, it will probably be shorter and less interesting than normal. Sorry.
Stacey is complimenting Samantha, and she says, "I was happy he'd found someone gorgeous and nice." Because looks definitely take priority over personality.
Stacey may be sophisticated, but not sophisticated enough to eat escargots. (Yes, she actually says eating escargots is sophisticated.)
Oh, and her first shot at a new year's resolution? To better color coordinate herself. Her second try is to be a better friend. Then she says that she's going to convince Claudia start talking to her again, because she's too proud to be the first one to talk to her. That's pretty funny in my mind.
This is weird: Stacey says she and Ethan are not old enough to drink coffee, yet Kristy was drinking mochaccinos five books ago. (These two have tea instead.)
Stacey's 'boys,' in their order of first mention: Jeremy, Ethan, Toby, Pete, Wes, Robert and Sam.
Why do I not remember that Toby and Alex are cousins? I really didn't recall that. I'm going to have to pull one of the Sea City books out and check that out.
Heh. Toby's email handle is tobythegreat. I'm really not surprised by that.
Every time Mr. Zizmore's name comes up in the book, I say it out loud and draw it out: Ziiizzzmooore. Try it; it's fun!
Jeremy seems needlessly jealous of Pete and Robert and everyone else. Yet he feels the need to defend himself for going to the mall with Claudia and Erica. (He says it was Erica's idea. Erica, who two books ago HATED the mall. Right.)
Mary Anne asks for help from Stacey and Kristy in decorating her bedroom in her new house. Both Stacey and Kristy seem shocked when they point out bedrooms they'd like to have and Mary Anne turns them down, because they're not her style. Have they not met her? (Bonus points for continuity, though: the room Stacey likes is navy and yellow and Mary Anne says she does like the colors. They're the colors she mentions liking back in #4, when she wants to redecorate her pink bedroom.)
The title quote is what Kristy says when she discovers Wes is applying for Mr. Ziiiiizzzzzzmoooooooore's teaching job. This is my new favorite sexual euphemism.
(Speaking of Wes, when he first mentions that he's applying for the job, Stacey's thrilled. Pete later mentions that he didn't think Wes was that good of a teacher. I can't decide if this is accurate about his teaching and Stacey was blind to it because of her crush, but I do remember Wes being a hot mess altogether.)
Ahh, Mary Anne. She says she likes being single because it means not having to think about what Logan wants or what he'd say about her plans or her outfit or whatever. Kristy says that sounds selfish. Stacey says (my paraphrase) that Mary Anne is such a doormat most of the time that she deserves to put herself first sometimes. MA seems shocked when Kristy and Stacey tell her she's one of the nicest people they know.
MA also says she feels like she's changing, after Kristy says that people don't really change. I know I've said it before, but I love the character development in Mary Anne in the FF series. Hell, in a couple of books, she's going to be getting grounded and sneaking out, rebelling against everything that's happened to her. She grows a spine and a voice, too.
Stoneybrook's Chinese takeout is called Wok 'N' Roll. Why am I not surprised by this?
I'm going to sum up a few thoughts I had about Stacey while reading this the first time. I'm routinely mean to her, and I know it. Stacey is probably my least favorite babysitter, probably for the same reason she was a lot of people's favorite sitter once upon a time. I didn't 'get' her sophistication or her boy-craziness. I used to want to be able to speak my mind, like Kristy, be creative, like Claudia, be an 'individual' like Dawn, and have a boyfriend, like Mary Anne. I never wanted to be Stacey. But I need to be fair about her, and to her. She actually attempts to keep her resolution, speaking to Claudia--even though Claudia is still mad at her--several times during the book. She actually acknowledges some of the flaws I perceive in her, even if nothing changes. (Like saying she knows she can be a snob in #2. She's actually very nice to Mary Anne in this book and compliments her bedroom pick, even if Stacey would never want a garden mural and a picket fence for a headboard. She says it's sweet, and that does NOT come across as condescending.) Yet, I will be a little mean to her. Blogging is not fun if you can't snark about the characters....
Speaking of, Stacey wonders if it's normal to have this many ex-boyfriends when you're thirteen. It is when you've been thirteen for a dozen years!
Brief mention of Stacey babysitting for the Hills. I'd almost forgotten about them!
How is it that most of Stacey's exes are not over her/keep raving about her/all want her time at the same time? 
By the way, the back mentions five exes. With Wes, we're at six. (Again, not an ex, but Stacey keeps treating him like one.)
Aww, Claudia and Stacey make up. Smiley face.
I do want to say, I like that they're playing up the differences between Claudia and Stacey, and letting them have friends outside of the BSC. (Last time Stacey tried that, she ended up quitting the club, remember?) I just realized that all of Stacey's boyfriends have either been her age (Robert, Pete, Jeremy) or older (Ethan, Toby and Sam are all in high school. And let's not mention Wes ever again. Except one more time at the end) while Claudia's one long-term boyfriend up to now was younger and maybe gay. (Okay, I forgot Mark. He was 13, but in a lower grade. And I didn't like him, so he doesn't count.) It's nice for Stacey to be able to hang with Rachel, whose urban and 'sophisticated' like she is, while Claudia can hang out with Erica, who's artsy and creative like she is.
Finally, I'm starting to see what Claudia and company didn't like about Rachel when she was younger. Now that Stacey is friends with Claudia again, Rachel keeps trying to put doubt into her head about what Jeremy's relationship is with Claudia. I could see Kristy and Claudia hating someone for virtually no reason, but Mary Anne? Not so much. Rachel's reputation must have been earned.
Pete says he can't talk in public. Wait, what? He's eighth grade president and gave speeches for that. He also emceed awards night in M#4, among other things. It's just an excuse for Stacey to give the speech for Mr. Ziiiiiiiiiiiiiizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzmmoooooooooooooooooooooooooooore.
Wacky hijinks ensue when both Toby and Ethan have to hang out with Stacey during the same time she's supposed to be helping decorate for the surprise party. Stacey asks her mother to chat with them for a minute while she gets ready. Stacey's mom: "I don't think they'll be thrilled to hang out with me." Stacey: "Sure they will. You can be very entertaining." My mind when really dirty right then.
So Stacey and Jeremy break up, and she says she's going to make an effort to not have her life revolve around boys. Yet she gets all excited at the thought of hanging out with Ethan more and knowledge that Wes got Mr. Z's teaching job, so that seems to be working out pretty poorly for her.
ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
Outfits
Stacey: black velvet overalls, long sleeved white shirt, headband with peace signs, ankle high boots; blue sweater and jeans
Next: I'm taking a break for NaNoWriMo (my first shot--not sure how well I'll do) but I'll be back in December with #7

"It's not my fault you threw food at me!"BSC FF #2: Stacey vs. Claudia (1999)

Two new kids have started eighth grade with our heroines. Jeremy just moved to town and he gets both Stacey and Claudia's attention. Since Stacey is still dating Ethan, she encourages Claudia to date him. But after Ethan breaks up with her, Stacey goes after Jeremy behind Claudia's back. When Jeremy prefers Stacey to Claudia, the two of them get into a giant fight, which isn't resolved in this book. (Aah, realism!)
Meanwhile, Rachel just moved back to Stoneybrook after three years in London. Kristy, Claudia and Mary Anne didn't like Rachel when she was young, but Stacey tries not to let that cloud her judgement.
Interesting Tidbits
The cover of my copy of the book claims there's a bumper sticker inside. My first instinct was to feel ripped off, because the bumper sticker was gone (just like there was clearly something that had been ripped out of my copy of #1.) But now that I have a brand new car, I can't help but wonder...why does a 10 year old reading this book need a bumper sticker? It's not like they have a bumper to put it on.
In case there was any confusion as to who was narrating the story (and there is--I keep trying to call the book Claudia vs. Stacey), the first sentence of the book is Stacey's mom calling her to the phone.
This made me laugh. Stacey realizes she's spotted a new boy, because she knows all the eighth graders and recognizes all the seventh and sixth graders. But....school just started back up for the year. I know it is almost literally the seventeenth time she's been in eighth grade, but each new year, there are new kids in the building. It shouldn't be a surprise to see an unfamiliar face.
There's a whole conversation between Stacey and Mary Anne about whether it's normal to notice cute boys when you have a boyfriend. They kept saying Logan and Ethan, which sounded like brothers. They're both those two syllable names ending with N that a book I own calls bell tones.
Kristy's description of Rachel: "She's like Lucy Van Pelt, Helga Patacki, and Angelica Pickles all rolled into one." I had to Google the middle one, despite the fact that I've seen a few episodes of Hey Arnold! Those later two characters seem too...modern...for the BSC. Anything that wouldn't have aired on Nick at Nite in the 80s seems too modern for the BSC.
Mary Anne says she's feeling uneasy and irritable in a way she can't explain, and it's more than just being in a new house. I can see her suddenly seeing her own mortality, along with other things. I love this development in Mary Anne, because it's something a lot of us can relate to.
Stacey's English class is reading The Midwife's Apprentice.
If Rachel just moved back after three years living in London, she would almost definitely have a British accent. She later says that she didn't live there long enough to pick up an accent, but I disagree. My parents didn't have accents after two years, but my sister and I did--strong ones. They left just as quickly as we picked them up, after a matter of months.
Claudia writes Stacey a note. There are some spelling mistakes, but they're all logical ones: Jermy, loker, purfect, cant, tho, wat (I know a grown woman who spells what that way every single time she writes. It's frustrating!). She also uses write for right and to for too. The best part is that her spelling irritates Stacey, because she's jealous of Claudia and Jeremy.
After Jeremy asks her out, Stacey asks her mom what to do. And Stacey's mom refuses to tell her what to do or even give her an opinion, saying that she doesn't know how to answer that. It's probably true, but if that were <I>my</i> daughter asking for it, I would have told her that there might not be a 'right' answer, or at least not one that everyone involved would like.
Stacey goes out for a jog. I don't think we've ever seen her do that before, but it's nice to see a non-jock character running for health, exercise and to clear her head.
Okay, I have to admit that there's a reason I never read this one before. I had read #4, and I'd seen this all from Claudia's point of view. I had a feeling I wouldn't like this book--or more specifically, Stacey. And I've been trying really hard to not let that cloud my judgment here. But while I give Stacey credit for just biting the bullet and telling Claudia the truth, that Jeremy sees her as a friend and had asked Stacey out, I cringed while she was talking to Claudia. This was Stacey's logic: Jeremy doesn't like you the way you like him. Therefore, you shouldn't mind if I go out with him! It's very teenagery, and not at all empathetic (how would Stacey feel if Claudia said that to her?!?) 
To be fair, Claudia is very melodramatic about the scenario ("Who cares about that [Kristy's idea of weekend scheduling] when everything in my life is falling apart?") but afterward, Stacey wants to know why Claudia didn't care about her feelings as much as she cared about Claudia's. WHAT?!? Yes, she started off trying to stay away from Jeremy, but that was when a) she had her own boyfriend and b) she didn't know Jeremy liked her instead of Claudia. Once she find out Jeremy prefers her, she drops most of the concern about Claudia. Otherwise, she'd have told Jeremy to wait until Claudia was over the rejection for the two of them to go out.
The title quote occurs during Stacey and Claudia's first confrontation about Jeremy. Claudia counters by saying nothing is ever Stacey's fault in Stacey's mind...which is at least a little bit true. She does consider how much of this is her fault, several times, but not enough to try to declare a truce. Or give up Jeremy.
I should definitely be playing the second half of the season 4 of Daria while reading this. ("I kissed my best friend's boyfriend." "I'm sure it was just a one time--" "Twice.")
The plot 'twists' are all very realistic for middle school kids. Stacey keeps getting mad at Claudia for not calling her and trying to patch things up, but Claudia is obviously still very angry. Ethan had suggested that he and Stacey 'cool things' but obviously didn't intend to end their relationship, as he keeps calling her. Stacey, on the other hand, sees that as breaking up and refuses to take his calls. She had mentioned all of this to Claudia, who...tells Jeremy Stacey has a boyfriend in New York and that they're on a Ross-and-Rachel 'break' but Claud's certain they'll get back together. Jeremy is understandably confused about Stacey afterward, but doesn't stop to consider why Claudia felt the need to share that with him.
Stacey mentions babysitting for the Rodowskys, but we don't get to hear about the job because it's not salient to the plot. 
Ha! Stacey calls Claudia brainless because she can't spell and was held back a grade. Claudia counters by saying that Stacey's a snob and thinks she's better than everyone because she's from NYC. Isn't that what a lot of readers have been saying about the characters for years?
"I can't believe the two of you let a boy come between you." Kristy, I can't believe that this is the first time it's happened. I know lots of BFFs who let boys come between them. (Or a girl, in the case of a couple boys my sister dated in high school.)
I'm so mature. Ethan shows up just before Stacey's date with Jeremy, freaking her out. She tells him he's going on a date (or rather, he asks and she admits it), so when the doorbell rings, she shoves him out of sight to answer it. It turns out to be Rachel, who had helped Stacey prepare for her date, bringing over some earrings for Stacey to borrow. Ethan sees her and calms down, because he thought he was going to be meeting her date. Well, my brain went a different direction: What if Rachel were Stacey's date? That would be an interesting way of coming out....
In the end, Stacey accepts the way things are currently with Claudia, but hopes they'll improve with time. She also acknowledges the fact that she sometimes IS a snob about being from New York, and says she'll try to curb that. Once again, a hard lesson to learn.
Outfits
Claudia: tie-dyed jumper, pink t-shirt, black and yellow tights, vinyl ankle boots
Rachel: French braid, short denim skirt, yellow sweater
Stacey: blue thermal shirt with buttons down the front, jeans, boots, blue and silver dangly earrings, French braid
Next: Let's see the other side of this story with #4

“You’re in the Babysitters Club with Darth Vader.” BSC #130: Stacey’s Movie (1999)

The latest (and, probably, last) short takes class is happening. Stacey is excited for her class, which is on film making. She’s placed in a group with Pete, Emily and Erica, and they decide to make a documentary on middle school students. In the course of their interviews, they speak with various BSC members. When Mary Anne is interviewed, she makes some comments that she wishes she hadn’t said. Stacey’s sympathetic, but it’s not until she says some things she regrets during her own interview that she really pushes to get MA's comments revoked. In the end, both Mary Anne and Stacey are allowed to record a second interview, explaining what they said the first time. And all is well.
In the B plot, Kristy is stepping on Alan’s toes by not letting him direct their movie. She makes several other people—Jackie R, Mary Anne, and Abby, to name a few—annoyed with her antics as well.
Interesting Tidbits
Is that Pete on the cover? He looks even more excited than Stacey does.

Attack of the Giant Idiot: The Alan Gray Story. Is it a comedy? Sci-fi? Horror? You decide.
Did it ever occur to anyone else that Stacey actually helps Claudia in some ways? For example, in this book, Claudia goes downstairs to get some carrot sticks for Stacey to eat during the meeting. Since Claud’s hiding the junk food in her room, Mrs. Kishi probably thinks the whole BSC is eating the carrots…meaning that she thinks Claudia’s eating them, too.
Mary Anne is taking an Egyptology class, which leads to Abby making an Egypt pun that is so bad, even I don’t want to repeat it.
The filmmaking teacher, who is a documentarian in her real life, asks the groups to assign the roles of cinematographer, director, producer and screenwriter. Then, when everyone agrees, she shuffles the roles, to take people out of their comfort zone. For the record, Emily wanted to be screenwriter but ends up producing; Pete wanted to produce but winds up cinematographer, Erica wanted to be cinematographer by winds up directing. Stacey, who wanted to direct, is the screenwriter.
Kristy’s group (which includes Anna, Logan and Alan) is making a Kids Say/Do the Darnedest Things type movie, and they start by filming the Rodowskys while Mary Anne is sitting. Kristy keeps trying to get Jackie to do something entertaining, but Jackie tells MA that she’s making fun of him. It’s actually quite sad. Even after he specifically says he doesn’t want to be in the movie, Kristy keeps filming him anyway.
We learn all kinds of fun things during assorted interviews, which Stacey and Emily take turns doing:

• Pete says that he hates the feeling of ‘being stuck’. He comments on not being allowed to drive, despite knowing how, and not being able to get a real job (despite the fact that Logan has worked as a busboy for quite a while now…) It made me chuckle, because Mallory is always saying how she thinks that once she turns thirteen, her life will be perfect. And here are the thirteen year olds, all wishing they were sixteen. You know that once they’re sixteen, they’ll want to be eighteen…or twenty-one….
• Abby comments on how overbooked her mother is, and how she doesn’t want to be like her. But then Emily points out that Abby said she’s always tired, and says maybe she too is overbooked. I didn’t really notice this the first time I read the book. But think about it now: it’s only two books from now that Abby drops out of the BSC to focus on soccer. Think that this interview had something to do with that?
• Jessi makes it very plain that, although she likes her friends in the BSC, she’s more at ease with her friends from Dance NY. It’s not just a race thing (although Stacey gets stuck on that), but also because they have a lot more in common besides babysitting. And as I said during that book, Jessi was almost a different person in front of those friends, a ham and a leader. She makes a comment about the BSC members—now that Mal is gone—all being older than she is, and that making it difficult. At first I called bull on that, but then I remembered way back in book #75 when Jessi was the same way during Sixth Grade Follies.
• Cokie suggests that Stacey has what it takes to hang out with her and her friends, but that the BSC is just as snobby as they consider Cokie’s group to be. YES! That’s what BSC fans have been saying for YEARS! She follows it up by saying that even geeks hang out with other geeks because they consider them superior to others. It’s very true, in a middle school way of thinking. By the time kids finish high school, a lot of those clique lines have blurred, because someone can be a cheerleader and class valedictorian, or be a jock and a stoner. Labels like that become less important than having good friends.
• Mary Anne blurts out that she’s angry at her mother for dying. The comment is doubly harsh, because she says she’s angry with her mother, and when Stacey says, “Sharon?”, MA basically says, “No, my real mother!” Later, she explains that she and Sharon had gotten into a fight right before school that day, explaining everything. Honestly, I’d say her comment is completely, utterly normal. Anger at a dead parent? Normal. Not always considering a stepparent to be a parent? Normal. But at the same time, I understand Mary Anne not wanting her interview to air as is, because those emotions aren’t how she normally feels.
• Alan says the title quote at the start of his interview, and yes, he’s referring to Kristy. But then he gets deadly serious and says he doesn’t always want to be the class clown, but he feels locked into the role. Even when he tries to be not a goofball, no one takes him seriously. He says he ruined the t-shirt Claudia was going to decorate because he wanted to talk to her and she just ignored him. Not only do I bet a lot of class clowns feel that way, but this sets up the whole Alan/Claudia pairing from the FF series.

Maybe it’s a bad idea to allow Kristy to work on her film during her own sitting jobs, especially with the Pike family. She’s encouraging the kids to behave badly in the process of performing, without thinking of their safety. Abby becomes (rightfully) pissed at her after she has to rescue Claire from a concussion and the four Pike boys nearly destroy the whole living room.
Alan, meanwhile, is annoyed because he’s the director of the movie, and Kristy—the cinematographer—keeps taking over his role, deciding what to film, and telling the kids not to listen to Alan. Logan even spoke up on Alan’s side. After Alan’s interview with Stacey, she encourages Kristy to actually give him a chance. She does…and discovers that Alan’s got more talent than she expected.
In the end, Stacey films Mary Anne talking about how words are imprecise and we don’t always express ourselves clearly, but once something’s on film (or, Teeki adds, been heard by others) we can’t take it back.
Over all, this was actually pretty awesome as far as BSC books go. Lots of character development, and in some cases, just reaffirmation of what we already knew. Which is really nice, too.
Outfits
Claudia: tie-dyed t-shirt, overall shorts with a painted rain forest scene
Next: #131

“I can write about all sorts of bizarre crimes and criminals without having people hide from me at parties.” BSC #124: Stacey McGill…Matchmaker? (1998)

Before I go on, I routinely get asked, “Hey, what about book number…?” So before anyone asks, I blogged #121, #122, #123 and super special #15 in the early, zygote days of this blog. I promise to have an entry on every BSC book (except the Secret Santa book, which I still believe is a conspiracy and doesn’t really exist), whether I liked that book or not. Just go back and look at my ‘Voldemort Book’ entry if you don’t believe me.

That taken care of, I must say I love this title. It’s so…unsure. In this story, yet another new client comes to town. Mr. Brooke is recently divorced, and Stacey is sitting for his kids. Her mom and Mr. Brooke meet and flirt a little bit, so Stacey tries to set them up with each other. Joni Brooke hates the idea and tries everything she can to break up her father’s relationship. Stacey pushes for the two of them, even as her mother sees flaws she can’t live with in Mr. Brooke.

In the B-plot, Mallory is contemplating going to boarding school. The BSC relate it to the plot of a book they’re reading as a BSC book club.

Interesting Tidbits

Stacey and her mom have started a mother-daughter book club. They’re reading Pride and Prejudice and discussing it weekly. It’s a neat idea, but wouldn’t that be more fun if they had more people involved?

Kristy gets mad at Claudia…for answering her phone before the meeting starts. As Claudia points out, this is her bedroom and her phone…what if the phone call was a personal one? Maybe Kristy doesn’t get those from people outside of the BSC, but Claudia does.

I’ll repeat, since this is coming to a head soon: I love the fact that Mallory’s depression and unhappiness built up over five whole books before she actually left for boarding school. Stacey points out exactly what I said about Mal’s whole experience teaching eighth grade: how ridiculous and unfair was it that the school sent an eleven year old to teach kids older than she was? She mentions the possibility of transferring schools for the first time in this book.

Abby is reading Jacob Have I Loved. That’s one of my favorites! The other members of the club mention The Great Gilly Hopkins and Bridge to Terabithia as being awesome, too.

Mr. Brooke writes detective stories, but Joni describes his books as, “horrible stuff. People being killed….” She seems really happy when describing this, and all I could think was, serial killer in the making!

This is what happens when I watch too much Criminal Minds.

The Brooke kids want to watch the movie of The Indian in the Cupboard. This book is full of other books!

The title quote is Mr. Brooke’s explanation as to why he uses a pseudonym for his books.

Ewan is reading a book called The Wrong-Way Rabbit. I’ve never heard of it, but I don’t doubt it really exists.

Ha! Joni says she thinks her dad used to be cool, way back before he had kids. I can’t help but think that this is not a normal thing for a kid to think, but such a normal kid way of thinking it, if that makes any sense. (I never thought my parents were cool when I was a kid, but if I had, I would have thought they used to be cool.)

Since when is Kristy allowed to babysit past midnight? When Mr. Brooke and Ms. McGill go out on their first date, he doesn’t come home till 12:30, leaving Kristy in charge. Last update I remember was Kristy saying she could sit until 10 on weeknights.

When talking about the Brookes kids, Mary Anne says she never knew whether her dad’s girlfriends (I almost wrote boyfriends, heh) actually liked her or not. I’d always had the impression that Richard didn’t date much before Sharon, though I’m not sure if that’s canon or just my internal image of him as a balding introvert in a sweater vest. I know it’s mentioned in one book that Richard and Sharon were both dating other people less (or something like that), but I questioned that image, as well.

Overall, these girls are really interested in their parents’ love lives. Stacey’s excited that her mom is dating again, while Abby wishes her mom would go on dates. Dawn and MA actively campaigned for Richard and Sharon to hook up. I probably wouldn’t have been so understanding of my mom dating when I was a teen.

Most ironically-funny line in this book award goes to Mallory: “But I’m not a character in a book.”

There is a metric ton of book analysis in this story. Ms. McGill reads Mr. Brooke’s stories and doesn’t like some of the rhetoric his characters spew. She sees the main character distrusting people and thinking they’re all innately selfish across all his writing. She points out that people write what they know, what’s in their head. Stacey, being young and not as knowledgeable, states that it may not be something Mr. Brookes believes as well, but I’m with her mom. It’s very possible to write characters that don’t agree with your world view, but when he’s got that many protagonists with the same position, then it’s obviously something he firmly believes.

Wow, is Joni ever crying out for attention. She steals the mouse from her father’s computer and throws it up a tree. The most annoying part of the story thus far is the fact that Mr. Brooke just keeps telling Stacey and her mom that Joni needs to get over it and he has to be firm with her. Come on, dude. You’re now a single dad; you need to be more sensitive to your nine-year-old’s feelings. I don’t think that she should be allowed to dictate whether or not her dad dates, but knowing that she’s unhappy should probably give him the hint to slow down and let her and Ms. McGill get to know each other before trying to work on a relationship.

I loooove when these books show their age by using real movies and bands and whatnot. Stacey’s mom is playing classical music, which I feel like she’s done before. Joni complains, so Stacey’s mom offers to change it. (This is actually a nice way to make a connection to Joni, so of course, her dad shoots the idea down.) Joni wants to listen to…Hanson. Can’t you just picture it? “Please pass the turkey.” “Mmmmbop!”

The final nail in the coffin? Joni refuses to eat Ms. McGill’s turkey, claiming she’d become a vegetarian since breakfast and that the turkey looked disgusting. Stacey convinces her to come back to the table. Ewan: “Joni, the turkey is good. You should have some even if you’re a vegetable now.”

Every time Stacey describes Ethan, she mentions his earring. Every time, I think…is that supposed to be a selling point for him? Add to that, I’ve always seen Ethan as a completely useless character, like he was only created so Stacey would get over Robert. However, he’s actually smart in this situation. He suggests to Stacey that she should trust her mom when she wants to break up with Mr. Brooke, because a) she’s her flippin’ mom! and b) there might be more to the relationship that what Stacey had seen. (He doesn’t say it, but I couldn’t help but think that maybe Mr. Brooke is really bad in bed and that’s part of the issue….)

Claudia spelling. Strang, wold, thot (thought), terning, tho. She also spells Brooke as Brook, though I completely forgive her for that. (I can’t spell Massachusetts, so I’m not going to misjudge spelling a last name wrong…unless she spells her own last name wrong. I feel like she might have done that once….)

Aww, this is sad. Joni finally gets over her anger at her dad dating again when Stacey tells her it’s normal….right before Ms. McGill breaks up with her dad. She becomes convinced she drove both Ms. McGill and her own mother away with her behavior. Claudia tries to assure her it’s not her fault that Ms. McGill broke up with her father by saying that she loves kids who are a pain—after all, she loves Stacey. This made me laugh.

New characters

Joni and Ewan Brooke (9 and 5)—27 and 23

Outfits

Claudia: tie-dyed overalls

Next: #125

“You’ve been watching too many daytime dramas or something.” BSC #119: Stacey’s Ex-Boyfriend (1998)

I’ve never read this one before, and I’ve kind of been dreading it. Teen/pre-teen literature has a very hit or miss history with the subject of depression. Most of the books either come across as preachy, and/or feature someone who attempts suicide and is saved at the last second. (As much as I love the California Diaries, they fell straight* into that trap.)

*No Ducky-is-gay pun intended, y’all.

Stacey notes that Robert’s been depressed for months and doesn’t seem to be getting any better. He hits every stereotype for depression, from pushing away friends to giving up previously loved activities. Stacey tries to fix him but finds she’s just dragging her own emotions down. Finally, she asks an adult for help, and gets told that she can’t handle Robert’s problems on her own. She urges him to seek help himself, and he does.

Interesting Tidbits

The cover. Robert looks like he’s about twenty. Also, I know depression is hard to draw, so to speak, but his emotionless, blank stare isn’t too terrible at expressing it.

I know I sorta made fun of the foreshadowing of this book in M#33, but I’m actually glad they did that. It allows Stacey a chance to point out that Robert has been down, out of sorts, and bored for at least three months at this point. (They keep describing him as being ‘bummed,’ which is making me picture Robert as a surfer for some reason.)

Claudia’s outfit is so bad, I have no words.

Stacey’s shocked when Claudia suggests Robert could be using drugs. I know from an article I recently read that AMM wanted the series to be more edgy but the publishers wouldn’t allow it. (She said she wanted all the BSC members to have a secret—MA’s mom was dead, Kristy’s dad took off, etc.—and she wanted Stacey’s dad to be in prison for embezzlement. When that was denied, she gave Stacey diabetes instead.) I think this is the closest that the BSC comes to someone having a drug problem in the series. There’s #87, where the ‘bad girls’ are drinking, and #74, where some of Kristy’s teammates smoke, but nobody tries pot that I can recall, or any other drugs.

When Robert says that he doesn’t see the point of everything, Stacey tries to force him. Because, you know, that works so well. He says life’s just the same old, same old. Be glad you figured that out at thirteen, kid. At the time, the baseball team (starring both Logan and Robert) is gearing up for ‘the big game,’ and Robert quits just days before the game. If that’s not a giant warning sign, I don’t know what is.

Seriously…Mr. and Mrs. Pike drop five of their kids—everyone but the triplets—plus all three Ramsey kids off at the strawberry picking place. They give Mal twenty dollars, but make no other instructions to the children (except, don’t eat too many…which Claire ignores. She throws up on Mal’s shoes.) It would have made more sense to find out approximately how much a ‘little green basket’ of berries costs and then tell them how many baskets they can pick. Instead, the kids go overboard, challenging each other over who’s going to pick the most, and throwing berries around. They end up picking thirty dollars in berries and needing extra money. No adult ever comments on the fact that Claire was eating as she’s picking or that the others are wasting berries, and you know they didn’t pay for the thrown/eaten berries.

I like how insightful about people this book makes Claudia. As an artist, she’s naturally observant about the world around her. She points out how Robert is trying to alienate Stacey like he has all his other friends. Stacey hadn’t even realized that Robert didn’t talk to anyone else anymore.

Robert is a textbook case of depression: in addition to quitting the baseball team (giving up activities he previously loved), he lost all his friends, only focused on the negative (how pointless everything is), and is flunking out of school.

To this story’s credit: Most television shows showing a depressed character follow a very simple format: everyone ignores/misinterprets all the symptoms of an unhappy individual and only sees them after the person is dead/attempting suicide. (Facts of Life, Beverly Hills 90210, even Degrassi High**) For example, a girl who shows up for the first time in that episode gives Tootie a necklace and tells her how much she’s appreciated Tootie making her feel welcome at the school. She then goes back to her dorm and swallows a massive amount of pills, killing herself. Tootie wonders how she didn’t know the girl was depressed. But Stacey, although she’s not sure how to help Robert, keeps trying. She won’t let Robert push her away, like he’s done everyone else in their lives. It starts alienating the other members of the BSC, but like she did with Tess in #111, Stacey is convinced she knows best and is going to ‘save’ Robert. She takes on his problem as her own. It is a lot less cringe-worthy this time and a lot more noble, because, unlike Tess, Robert actually does need help.

**Regular readers of this blog know how much I love Degrassi Junior High/Degrassi High. I will give them some extra props because one girl actually did notice something was off about the boy who committed suicide. Oh, and unlike the other two shows I mentioned, the character was a familiar one whom the audience knew, and the repercussions of his death played on through pretty much the rest of the series.

So, after nearly every family in the neighborhood has picked more strawberries than they can eat (and Linny, in addition to Claire, ate so many berries he was sick), Kristy decides that the best solution to strawberry fever is…a strawberry festival.

OMG…Kristy goes into a CHAT ROOM to look for strawberry-related ideas, with Linny helping her. Not only does that bring this book into the digital age, but this was obviously before all the warnings to kids not to post in chat rooms and other places without an adult. I can picture Kristy posting something like this:

           Hi, I’m Kristy Thomas, president of the Babysitters Club in Stoneybrook,

Connecticut! I’m with one of my favorite babysitting clients and we want ideas on how to have a Stoneybrook Strawberry Festival. What do you recommend?

PS For a great babysitter, call KL5-5555!

Great idea, no? Well, great idea for calling out child predators to her whole name, location and phone number, at least. (Can’t you just see a modern version of the BSC advertising on Craigslist?)

Stacey’s supposed to be writing her ‘self-portrait.’ Didn’t she already do that? The BSC has been in eighth grade for so long, they’re repeating assignments now.

Stacey calls a radio show, asking for help with Robert. Of course, Dr. Gupti gives her all the right answers, but best part about it is this: She changed her name, and Robert’s, and the sport he’d quit, so that no one will recognize the situation. The phone rings a moment after she hangs up and it’s Claudia, laughing and calling her by her fake name, but agreeing with the advice. (Janine apparently enjoys Dr. Gupti’s show, although it’s largely relationship advice and doesn’t sound like something she’d like.)

The title quote is part of Robert’s rant when Stacey tells him he needs to ask for help.

YES! Claudia spelling, to lighten up the Robert drama! Toosday, nevur, meny, strabarries, shure, agian, festivul.

So Robert talks to his baseball coach, and he’s magically improved? To be fair, he isn’t 100% back to the way he used to be, but he actually goes to the damn ‘strabarry festivul’ and then has a good time at a random dance with Stacey. I guess it could be worse; no one died in this book.

Outfits

Claudia: zebra striped leotard, leopard spot overall shorts, tiger stripe scarf, lizard scrunchie, giraffe earrings

Next: Mystery #35 and an extra-special extra book. You all seriously owe me for actually reading this crap.

“Mary Anne had never imagined herself hanging around outside the boys’ bathroom.” BSC Mystery #33: Stacey and the Stolen Hearts (1998)

I actually kind of like this mystery. Why? Because it’s something that could actually happen. As opposed to when Stacey actually helped the Secret Service catch a counterfeiter (M#10) or appeared in the world’s worst horror movie (M#24).

Pete and Stacey create a Valentine-Gram fundraiser, which is a pretty standard school fundraiser. The problem? The bag of valentines goes missing, and then someone starts posting facts gleaned from the bag to embarrass various students. The BSC suspects Cary, naturally, along with a variety of random students. It turns out that Cary didn’t steal the bag, but he did post all the notes around school. The culprit was actually Alan, who’d asked to get a valentine back and had been refused. He returns the bag and the valentines are (almost) all delivered.

The B-plot is so stupid, I almost didn’t write about it. The BSC throws a ‘festival’ for V-Day for the kids, because the kids are all bummed out about the holiday. It has snacks and crafts and everyone’s required to make a valentine for every other person who goes to the festival. In other words, it’s exactly like nearly every elementary classroom’s party. It’s pretty par for the course these days that, in elementary school, valentines are required for every member of the class, there are heart shaped cookies and crafts, and romance is pretty much not allowed.

Interesting Tidbits

Not only is Stacey appropriately V-Day garbed, she’s overly horrified by the hearts all over the lockers. I tried to read them, but all I can discern is a few capital letters. Very disappointing.

YAY! Stacey finally cut off her perm. For someone so (allegedly) stylish, she’s at least five years behind the times, there.

Apparently Ethan scores a gazillion on the hunk-o-meter. Very mature, Stacey. She describes him and I’m totally picturing him as a borderline-Emo artist.

We meet the BSC by what kind of Valentine they send. I swear, some of these intros are so cheesy, they have to stretch quite a bit to make them work.

Heh. When Kristy makes fun of Stacey’s fish sticks, suggesting they look like gopher nuts, Stacey shoots back that it’s actually monkey snot. Not only does this gross Kristy out, but all I could imagine when Kristy said gopher nuts was gopher testicles…Now I’m grossed out.

Should I transcribe all the Valentine-Grams? Sure, why not. This first one is to Claudia from ‘an admirer’ (aka Josh): Sometimes roses are white/And sometimes violets are too/I’ve been as high as a kite/ever since I kissed you. BLECKK!

The first note that’s plastered all over school? Cokie sent her latest boyfriend 12 valentines, and he sent her none in return. It also says that Cokie called him Sugarbear.

Cary has an alibi for the time of the theft—he was at the dentist. He even offers to provide Stacey a sworn affidavit from the hygienist. Everyone say it with me: I love Cary Retlin.

The second note is similar to the first, only it’s addressed to Jacqui, the ‘bad’ girl Stacey used to hang out with, who has a big thing for Robert and sent him several valentines.

Abby takes Logan’s joke, and when Kristy calls the meeting to order, she asks for a BLT. I rolled my eyes, but Kristy’s response was pretty good: “That joke is so old. Last time I heard it, I fell off my dinosaur.”

Suspects: Brian and Rose Marie, this couple who got together through Claudia’s matchmaking service in #71 (I had totally forgotten about them); Alan; Pete; Robert; Cary; Cokie. The only way to narrow the list down? You got it. The BSC divided it up and played spy/detective.

Claudia spelling: franckly, dissapointed, brot, gess. She also uses there for their, ferry for fairy. And she spells Brian as Brain. (This makes me laugh. I have a cousin named Brian, and my one uncle went to Disney for his honeymoon. He brought back mouse hats for all the nieces and nephews with our names on them, but Brian’s said Brain.)

The title quote comes from Mary Anne’s stakeout of Pete. Mal and Jessi also do the same thing of lurking around the potty, but Jessi calls it Lavatory Listening. (The book says the two of them were hiding in a stall. Were they sharing a stall? That’s going to get noticed. Now I’m picturing an episode of Degrassi the Next Generation in which three boys were reading the directions to a penis pump while sharing a bathroom stall…)

Valentine thief strikes for a third time, plastering the halls with valentines exchanged between Rose Marie and King.

Oh boy, a Logan notebook entry! It’s not actually that interesting, except that he tells Kristy she’s right, and Stacey thinks Logan is pretty much now Kristy’s new best friend because of that.

Stacey explains what a focus group is, which is boring. However, the items she makes up to describe focus groups are pretty awesome: Maxi-Clean for Small Dogs, Spring-Fresh Mitten Deodorizer, and, my personal favorite, Chocolate Covered Fish Zingies (which apparently snowboarders think are ‘totally awesome.’)

Becca, about Valentine’s Day: “I like to send cards to my friends, but that doesn’t mean I want to marry them.” No, of course not, Becca. You’re in third grade. When you start pulling their hair and calling them Puke Face, then you want to marry them.

Valentine-gram from Jim Poirier (who?) to our favorite, Sabrina Bouvier: Dear Sabrina, I knew from the moment I saw your beautiful eyes and perfect nose that you were something special. Will you go out with me?

The Scooby-gang gets their first and only clue, which breaks the case open: when Cary copies the Jim-to-Sabrina VG, part of his hand and stripy sleeve appear on the paper. This is not up to his usual standard of sneakiness. (Earlier in that same chapter, Stacey tries to sneak information about his dentist out of him. He figures it out and gives her his dentist’s name and tells her to look him up under ‘alibi.’ Of course, because HIPPAA or however it’s spelled does not exist in the BSC-universe, the dentist’s receptionist gladly verifies that Cary was indeed there during the crime.)

While trying to figure out who’s wearing stripes, the characters check the cafeteria: “It was strange to be looking only at people’s clothes and not their faces.” Of course. You can’t fully judge someone unless you check their hair and makeup in addition to their fashion.

“The BSC version of the SWAT team.” BSCSWAT…if it were a TV show, I’d watch it.

Claudia is actually the one who makes the Cary connection: not only is he wearing stripes, but he offered an alibi for the time of the crime before they ever told him when it happened. It’s like this situation we had at work: an employee was accused of going into a single-stall bathroom with a customer. When I interviewed her and told her what she was accused of, she said, “I never even go into the men’s room unless I’m cleaning it.” I’d never told her it was the men’s room she was accused of going into.

“Should we syncopate our watches?” Ahh, Claudia. (By the way, Stacey is wearing a Swatch. Hee hee!)

My random thoughts about the boring Valentine’s Day party? Jake and Laurel show up without Patsy. There’s no age minimum, though, because Ryan DeWitt and Marnie Barrett are both there. (Besides, the BSC usually sets a minimum at five or younger, to prevent Claire Pike tantrums.) Adam Pike made a really gross, bloody card that Stacey assumes must be for one of his brothers. Mathew Hobart asks MA to be his Valentine, despite the fact that all his friends say she’s too old for him.

Stacey winds up going to Alan’s house, and suggesting that he tell whoever took the bag of VGs to bring them back. She was originally very angry with him, but Cary had told Stacey that Alan stole the bag to retrieve both a note he’d written and prank notes that had been written to him. Alan realized a bunch of girls—including the one he’d written to—were writing prank love notes to him and stole the bag to avoid the embarrassment of the girl discovering he liked her. I think just about everyone’s been teased or bullied at some point or another and can relate to Alan’s pain. Stacey, who was ostracized due to her diabetes at her old school, definitely should be able to.

Outfits

Rose Marie: olive green sweater, denim miniskirt

Next: #117

“You’ve never wanted to be my friend. All you’ve done is pity me.” BSC #111: Stacey’s Secret Friend (1997)

This is one of those books where I go into it hoping that it’s not nearly as bad as I expect it’s going to be. Look at the cover for a second. Yes, Tess wasn’t exactly fashionable for 1997, but neither were some of these other kids. And the back cover is so condescending toward Tess: “Why won’t Tess wise up? Doesn’t she want Stacey’s help?”

(Really bad cover copy, sorry.)

Umm, no. I’ve never read this, but I’m pretty sure Tess never walked up to Stacey and said, “Look, the kids are all making fun of me. Can you give me fashion tips?”

I was way more of a Tess than a Stacey in middle school, believe me.

So Tess Swinhart is new at SMS, and Stacey and the other kids think she’s strange. After she accidentally ruins the papier-mâché Stacey and Barbara* were working on and then dumps some papier-mâché on Alan, he nicknames her Swine-heart the Destroyer, because her upturned nose and taste for pink clothing make her look vaguely like a pig. It gets worse and worse until a football game where it all comes to a head. Everyone is voting for a new school mascot, and one of the choices is pig. Someone pastes a picture of Tess over the pig picture, and Stacey doesn’t realize it before she holds it up. People start throwing things at Tess and she falls out of the bleachers, breaking her ankle and spraining her wrist. She then tells Stacey off, because she figured out some time back that Stacey didn’t really like her for her. She does let Stacey help her get back at a boy who was trying to embarrass her, and she ends up good friends with Barbara. And Stacey realizes she was kind of a jerk.

Meanwhile, Jackie and Nicky have been acting odd, with Nicky putting on fake muscles and acting like Jackie’s bodyguard. Eventually, Jackie is able to ‘use his words’ to sort out the disagreement with the three boys, and they’re all friends again. So intellectually stimulating, it hurts.

Interesting Tidbits

*Unlike last week, when I couldn’t place Ethan, I remembered Barbara right away. Even if I’d forgotten, she’s introduced as, basically, the girl whose best friend died in the drunk driving accident. (#93)

Right off the bat, when we meet Tess, one of the first things that gets described is her outfit. Stacey hates it, but I thought two things. 1. I love retro clothes, so I drooled at the white blouse with Peter Pan collar. 2. If Claudia had worn it, Stacey would have thought it looked great. (C’mon, you know you were thinking it too!)

Also, Tess is described as ‘five foot nine and big boned’ and I was wondering, who’s that big in eighth grade? Then I remembered that my best friend from school was even taller (she’s now six foot) and had a solid frame like that, so I shut my mouth.

HA! Claudia: “I’m sure some people think I’m strange because of the way I dress.” Truer words have never been written.

Stacey’s English class is studying The Canterbury Tales. I really hope they’re reading the sparky bits!

King shows up in the story, subtly continuing the pig theme by calling Tess Babe. It actually worked, because he acted like he was flirting with her, calling her Babe because he was interested…not because of the then-current pig movie.

Tess wears huge black-framed glasses, so Stacey tries to drop hints to her, suggesting she should get contact lenses. These days, Tess would be so fashionable and hipster! (Oh, and Stacey brings it up by asking Barbara if she knows Mallory, since Mal wants contacts. Barbara thinks that Mal is cute, which goes along with my theory that Mal actually is a lot cuter than she thinks she is…she’s just awkward and not sure of herself.)

Claudia spelling! Defanately, sumthing, bruther, secrut, ajent, mishon, wut, culd. She also uses wright for right.

Ooh, I love when they reference old plot points! “Shannon thinks Shea has a crush on Claudia.” Not only is this a great referral to #63, but Shannon did hang out with them quite a bit (and still does on occasion) so it’s fun to bring in her point of view.

Mrs. Rodowsky got a new cell phone (cellular phone, of course)! Next thing you know, they’ll talk about emailing each other. Wacky! (That’s what Shea keeps calling Jackie, who actually stole his mother’s phone and took it to school with him. These days, I know kids about his age with cell phones….)

“Glasses are easier. Besides, I like them.” Yes! I feel that way about contact lenses, too.

Stacey keeps trying to help Tess…but only behind the scenes. She keeps pushing her to wear makeup, dress more fashionably, and be more social. Yet she doesn’t really want to be her friend; she just sees her as a project. This becomes clear when she doesn’t invite Tess to sit with her and her friends, but I don’t think Stacey even realizes it. When Kristy asks her why she didn’t invite Tess to sit with them, Stacey knows she should have but can’t figure out why she didn’t. This is it, right here. This is exactly why I never read many of the later Stacey books until now. This aspect of Stacey—the condescending idea that she has that because she’s pretty and popular that everyone wants to be like her—is exactly why I hated the Staceys of my high school.

You know it’s bad when even Claudia suggests that Stacey’s not really helping Tess. I wouldn’t say Stacey is as bad as Alan and Cokie, who keep calling Tess names and making comic strips making fun of her, but trying to force someone to fit in to one narrow view of how a middle school girl should be isn’t exactly being nice, either. I was a very square peg at that age, and, like Tess, I didn’t want to change to fit in. I had a couple friends who accepted me for who I was, and that was all I really needed.

Stacey says you can’t feel mascara, but she’s wrong. Tess says it makes her eyes itch and her eyelashes sticky, but Stacey says you can’t feel your eyelashes. Well, I have very long eyelashes and they hit my skin and glasses on a regular basis. If they’re sticky, I know it, and when I first started wearing mascara, I put on too much of it and it was very sticky and clumpy.

By chapter ten, the following people have all questioned Stacey’s motives with Tess: Claudia, Kristy, Mary Anne…and Tess herself. King is still subtly mocking Tess, and even asks her out on a date to a restaurant called Hog Heaven. But since Stacey knows he’s teasing her, she keeps telling Tess not to fall for his crap. Tess thinks Stacey has a thing for King and that’s why she’s so set on Tess not talking to him. Honestly, if Stacey really wanted to help Tess, instead of trying to make her conform, she should have told her, “I don’t want to be rude, but I’d want to know if it were me…” and then tell Tess that everyone’s making pig jokes about her (based upon her looks, last name and love of the color pink), and tell Tess she thinks King’s part of it. Stacey just keeps deflecting Tess from the jokes instead of explaining them.

It gets even worse when, during the football game, Stacey catches Tess sitting and reading a magazine while everyone else is cheering. She decides Tess is pigheaded (and then gets mad at herself for it) but then says the following: I sighed. Maybe this was all my fault. If I’d sat with her at least I could have taken the magazine away and made her stand up and cheer. I had my work cut out for me. Aaaaaand this is where I want to bitch slap Stacey.

Stacey is the one holding up the pictures of the mascot choices, so a lot of people think she and Barbara—who was reading the choices out loud—are responsible for the Tess picture. Stacey didn’t know it was there until she held it up, and as soon as she realized, she dropped it so no one else could see it, but she still feels guilty about it. She assumes Barbara does as well, but Barbara says she feels terrible for Tess but has nothing to feel guilty about. I liked that because it’s true. Barbara didn’t take that picture and paste it on the poster; she didn’t know it was there. She’s actually been nice to Tess and never tried to make her conform, which makes her a nice contrast to Stacey.

The title quote is what Tess says when Stacey tries to find out why Tess is mad at her. She says she doesn’t need Stacey’s pity, because she’s happy the way she is. Go, Tess, go!

Stacey discovers that Tess’s fashion tastes are what is currently trendy in Paris, where Tess lived until recently, and suddenly she feels a little differently about Tess. Once again, that’s what bothers me about Stacey. If, as Tess said, she’d ever just had a real conversation with her, she might have found out they liked each other and they could have actually been friends. The whole thing is totally Stacey’s fault, and it takes her a while to acknowledge that.

This could have been way worse. If Tess had had less self-esteem, she might have not stood up for herself, and this might have ended very badly.

Outfits

Tess: short pink cardigan, white blouse with lace trimmed Peter Pan collar, brown corduroys, black boots; hot pink sweat suit with lace trim; pink, red and yellow plaid polyester pantsuit; baggy pink overalls, satin shirt with pink and green daisies, pink barrette; blue jeans, blue sweatshirt; pink corduroys and pink nubby sweater; pink blouse with puffy sleeves, short black skirt

Next: Mystery #31

“This is even more boring than being bored.” BSC Mystery #29: Stacey and the Fashion Victim (1997)

I know we’ve vlogged Stacey before…okay, no we haven’t. We’ve (what’s this we crap? I must have multiple personalities or something…) only vlogged Stacey’s Emergency. So let’s talk.

I really think that someone came up with the title of this book, and then worked out a convoluted plot line to fit the very punny tag. Stacey is modeling at an event at Bellair’s Department Store called Fashion Week, which consists of catalogue shoots and fashion shows. Someone keeps sabotaging the models and shoots, so Stacey and the BSC investigate, and they find out the culprit was a model with a very pushy stage mother. She wanted to stop modeling and thought making it look like someone was out to get her would get her mother to back off.

In the B plot, Abby catches Buddy Barrett and Lindsey DeWitt getting ready to try a cigarette, leading to the kids in town convincing various adults in their lives to quit.

Interesting Tidbits

The cover: I think Stacey is the fashion victim here. I do know the seventies were back around that time, but still. Ew.

This book is going to be chockfull of outfits, isn’t it? I’m excited, but only if the clothes are better than what Stacey’s wearing on the cover.

Remember mini backpacks? Those were definitely all the rage when I was a teen. Stacey wears one with her ‘business-y outfit’ for Take Your Daughter to Work Day, totally ruining the adultness of the outfit.

What did everyone do for TYDtWD? Stacey helped her mom be a buyer at Bellair’s. Claudia went with her dad to his investment banking job, where she understood nothing but lunch. (Sounds like a normal day at school for her, before she went back to seventh grade.) Kristy rearranged her mom’s desk for efficiency.* Mary Anne thought watching Richard—who’s a corporate lawyer at this point; that seems to change on a regular basis—work was pretty interesting. Both Abby and Jessi did their mom’s photocopying…and they both copied their faces.

*Do we even know what Kristy’s mom does? She works in an office with a copy machine, but I think that’s all I know about her job.

When Stacey tells everyone she’ll be a model for Fashion Week, Mal and Jessi are predictably against it, which is no surprise. They also had a problem with the Little Miss Stoneybrook pageant, remember? And Kristy is against it as well, but mostly because Stacey won’t be able to do any sitting that week. (Typical.) Interestingly, it’s Mary Anne—who’s experienced the world of catalog modeling and commercial auditions with the Prezziosos—who suggests that some non-professional modeling could help Stacey learn to be more independent and confident.

Ooh, I have a new goal in life: to become Princess Bellair. Forget using my brain for anything!

Oh, and I now have the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song stuck in my head. Think Princess Bellair is related somehow?

Stacey gets bored enough during the Fashion Week intro meeting that she lets Cokie tell her all the gossip about all the other models. Stacey says she doesn’t even like gossip. (Bitch, please. I don’t know a single girl her age who doesn’t enjoy at least a little gossip. I do understand her point about the fact that all the models want to do is badmouth each other behind their backs, but a little rundown of who’s who, like Cokie gave, is something most of us can appreciate on some level.) The title quote relates to this passage, only it’s not from the book. It’s what my sister used to say when she was a small fry and my mother used to try to get her to clean instead of whining and moping.

Oh, and then guess who’s gossiping with Claudia about one of the models a couple pages later…

So the mystery begins in earnest at the end of chapter five. Before that, we are introduced to only some of the people involved in Fashion Week, so each of the people with a name is automatically a suspect. I give you:

            Mrs. Maslin, who runs the show

            Harmony Skye, a ridiculously named up-and-coming model

            Sydney, the latest thing in fashion**

            Cynthia, who’s past her peak (at sixteen)

            Blaine, a local girl who is just getting started and trying to break into the big time

            Mrs. Skye, a totally obnoxious stage mother

            Roger Bellair, who used to date Sydney and is working on the shoot

            Dylan Trueheart, the agent who ‘discovered’ Cokie

**If Sydney’s that big a model—she was on the cover of a teenage fashion magazine recently—what the **** is she doing surrounded by amateurs at a small-time fashion show in Podunk, USA?

First incident: Harmony, who hasn’t eaten all day, drinks some tea and then has stomachaches, gets sleepy and becomes pale. Mrs. Skye thinks someone drugged her.

The instructions the photographer gives the models are laughable: “Okay, girls, let’s see you act like long-lost sisters who are thrilled to see each other again.” But I’ve read and seen other materials about fashion shoots, and they’re equally laughable. I’m thinking about Tootie on The Facts of Life: “How can I make love to a camera when I’ve never even kissed a boy?”

Second incident (and a bunch of little ones that only get a sentence or two): Blaine, Sydney and Harmony find some of their outfits from the shoot shredded. Someone exposed a bunch of rolls of film. A model discovered a spider in her shoe (although that might just be a coincidence.) Blaine gets locked in an elevator. Harmony fell off the catwalk when she was blinded by the light. (I forget who sings that song, but it’s now stuck in my head.) Someone got a rash from their foundation—which is exactly why I don’t wear makeup. A bunch of creepy notes keep showing up, written in makeup.

Claudia spelling! Wacthing, shur, defenetly.

Wow, this story is so boring that I can’t even find anything to mock.

I’m amused by the fact that various people keep talking on ‘cellular phones.’ I realize they were still sort of new technology—my friends started getting cell phones in 98—but I can’t imagine using that many syllables to discuss something that’s so common place these days.

Stacey’s from New York, so when she references tall buildings, she mentions the Empire State Building and the World Trade Center.

Incident 3: Stacey and Harmony lean on a railing on the roof of Bellair’s. It gives way and they fall a few feet, not injured. Someone had removed the screws…and it had been Harmony’s idea to stand against the railing.

I know I’ve been very quiet about the B-plot, and that’s because it’s basically been a non-entity. I don’t think it’s ever been mentioned in any of the books that anyone smoked unless it was a specific plot point. (The girls on the SMS softball team, for example, when they thought they’d burned down that shed with their cigarettes.) I guess we’re supposed to be surprised that Franklin DeWitt and Mrs. Hobart smoke, but I wasn’t really shocked to find that Watson occasionally puffs on a cigar or that Aunt Cecelia smokes. If anyone in this book was going to have a humidor, it would definitely be Watson.

Stacey decides that modeling was fun, but she never wants to do it again. It would have been an awesome spin-off series if she’d been discovered: much edgier than the California Diaries—with cocaine, affairs, and even more gossip! I’m so sad we didn’t get that series.

Outfits

Stacey: white linen blouse, navy skirt, heels; raspberry romper, white sneakers, white baseball cap, pigtails; red/white striped bathing suit and cover-up, red flip flops, straw hat, slicked-back hair; denim minidress, espadrilles, bangles, French braid; pink wool jumper; plaid skirt and white shirt; navy blue suit; trendy jeans, tight shirt, platform shoes; flowery, ankle-length dress

Claudia: white jeans with artistic paint on them, denim shirt (stealing Dawn’s attire, I think), high top sneakers, chopsticks in her hair

Harmony: long skirt, crop top; neon paisley miniskirt, white gogo boots, fluffy white jacket (this outfit is making my eyes hurt and I can’t even see it)

Watson: a tux (seriously)—and all the rest of the Brewer-Thomas family also dresses up

Next: #108