“This is even more boring than being bored.” BSC Mystery #29: Stacey and the Fashion Victim (1997)

I know we’ve vlogged Stacey before…okay, no we haven’t. We’ve (what’s this we crap? I must have multiple personalities or something…) only vlogged Stacey’s Emergency. So let’s talk.

I really think that someone came up with the title of this book, and then worked out a convoluted plot line to fit the very punny tag. Stacey is modeling at an event at Bellair’s Department Store called Fashion Week, which consists of catalogue shoots and fashion shows. Someone keeps sabotaging the models and shoots, so Stacey and the BSC investigate, and they find out the culprit was a model with a very pushy stage mother. She wanted to stop modeling and thought making it look like someone was out to get her would get her mother to back off.

In the B plot, Abby catches Buddy Barrett and Lindsey DeWitt getting ready to try a cigarette, leading to the kids in town convincing various adults in their lives to quit.

Interesting Tidbits

The cover: I think Stacey is the fashion victim here. I do know the seventies were back around that time, but still. Ew.

This book is going to be chockfull of outfits, isn’t it? I’m excited, but only if the clothes are better than what Stacey’s wearing on the cover.

Remember mini backpacks? Those were definitely all the rage when I was a teen. Stacey wears one with her ‘business-y outfit’ for Take Your Daughter to Work Day, totally ruining the adultness of the outfit.

What did everyone do for TYDtWD? Stacey helped her mom be a buyer at Bellair’s. Claudia went with her dad to his investment banking job, where she understood nothing but lunch. (Sounds like a normal day at school for her, before she went back to seventh grade.) Kristy rearranged her mom’s desk for efficiency.* Mary Anne thought watching Richard—who’s a corporate lawyer at this point; that seems to change on a regular basis—work was pretty interesting. Both Abby and Jessi did their mom’s photocopying…and they both copied their faces.

*Do we even know what Kristy’s mom does? She works in an office with a copy machine, but I think that’s all I know about her job.

When Stacey tells everyone she’ll be a model for Fashion Week, Mal and Jessi are predictably against it, which is no surprise. They also had a problem with the Little Miss Stoneybrook pageant, remember? And Kristy is against it as well, but mostly because Stacey won’t be able to do any sitting that week. (Typical.) Interestingly, it’s Mary Anne—who’s experienced the world of catalog modeling and commercial auditions with the Prezziosos—who suggests that some non-professional modeling could help Stacey learn to be more independent and confident.

Ooh, I have a new goal in life: to become Princess Bellair. Forget using my brain for anything!

Oh, and I now have the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song stuck in my head. Think Princess Bellair is related somehow?

Stacey gets bored enough during the Fashion Week intro meeting that she lets Cokie tell her all the gossip about all the other models. Stacey says she doesn’t even like gossip. (Bitch, please. I don’t know a single girl her age who doesn’t enjoy at least a little gossip. I do understand her point about the fact that all the models want to do is badmouth each other behind their backs, but a little rundown of who’s who, like Cokie gave, is something most of us can appreciate on some level.) The title quote relates to this passage, only it’s not from the book. It’s what my sister used to say when she was a small fry and my mother used to try to get her to clean instead of whining and moping.

Oh, and then guess who’s gossiping with Claudia about one of the models a couple pages later…

So the mystery begins in earnest at the end of chapter five. Before that, we are introduced to only some of the people involved in Fashion Week, so each of the people with a name is automatically a suspect. I give you:

            Mrs. Maslin, who runs the show

            Harmony Skye, a ridiculously named up-and-coming model

            Sydney, the latest thing in fashion**

            Cynthia, who’s past her peak (at sixteen)

            Blaine, a local girl who is just getting started and trying to break into the big time

            Mrs. Skye, a totally obnoxious stage mother

            Roger Bellair, who used to date Sydney and is working on the shoot

            Dylan Trueheart, the agent who ‘discovered’ Cokie

**If Sydney’s that big a model—she was on the cover of a teenage fashion magazine recently—what the **** is she doing surrounded by amateurs at a small-time fashion show in Podunk, USA?

First incident: Harmony, who hasn’t eaten all day, drinks some tea and then has stomachaches, gets sleepy and becomes pale. Mrs. Skye thinks someone drugged her.

The instructions the photographer gives the models are laughable: “Okay, girls, let’s see you act like long-lost sisters who are thrilled to see each other again.” But I’ve read and seen other materials about fashion shoots, and they’re equally laughable. I’m thinking about Tootie on The Facts of Life: “How can I make love to a camera when I’ve never even kissed a boy?”

Second incident (and a bunch of little ones that only get a sentence or two): Blaine, Sydney and Harmony find some of their outfits from the shoot shredded. Someone exposed a bunch of rolls of film. A model discovered a spider in her shoe (although that might just be a coincidence.) Blaine gets locked in an elevator. Harmony fell off the catwalk when she was blinded by the light. (I forget who sings that song, but it’s now stuck in my head.) Someone got a rash from their foundation—which is exactly why I don’t wear makeup. A bunch of creepy notes keep showing up, written in makeup.

Claudia spelling! Wacthing, shur, defenetly.

Wow, this story is so boring that I can’t even find anything to mock.

I’m amused by the fact that various people keep talking on ‘cellular phones.’ I realize they were still sort of new technology—my friends started getting cell phones in 98—but I can’t imagine using that many syllables to discuss something that’s so common place these days.

Stacey’s from New York, so when she references tall buildings, she mentions the Empire State Building and the World Trade Center.

Incident 3: Stacey and Harmony lean on a railing on the roof of Bellair’s. It gives way and they fall a few feet, not injured. Someone had removed the screws…and it had been Harmony’s idea to stand against the railing.

I know I’ve been very quiet about the B-plot, and that’s because it’s basically been a non-entity. I don’t think it’s ever been mentioned in any of the books that anyone smoked unless it was a specific plot point. (The girls on the SMS softball team, for example, when they thought they’d burned down that shed with their cigarettes.) I guess we’re supposed to be surprised that Franklin DeWitt and Mrs. Hobart smoke, but I wasn’t really shocked to find that Watson occasionally puffs on a cigar or that Aunt Cecelia smokes. If anyone in this book was going to have a humidor, it would definitely be Watson.

Stacey decides that modeling was fun, but she never wants to do it again. It would have been an awesome spin-off series if she’d been discovered: much edgier than the California Diaries—with cocaine, affairs, and even more gossip! I’m so sad we didn’t get that series.

Outfits

Stacey: white linen blouse, navy skirt, heels; raspberry romper, white sneakers, white baseball cap, pigtails; red/white striped bathing suit and cover-up, red flip flops, straw hat, slicked-back hair; denim minidress, espadrilles, bangles, French braid; pink wool jumper; plaid skirt and white shirt; navy blue suit; trendy jeans, tight shirt, platform shoes; flowery, ankle-length dress

Claudia: white jeans with artistic paint on them, denim shirt (stealing Dawn’s attire, I think), high top sneakers, chopsticks in her hair

Harmony: long skirt, crop top; neon paisley miniskirt, white gogo boots, fluffy white jacket (this outfit is making my eyes hurt and I can’t even see it)

Watson: a tux (seriously)—and all the rest of the Brewer-Thomas family also dresses up

Next: #108

“Claudia Kishi, sports fashion consultant.” BSC #89: Kristy and the Dirty Diapers (1995)

Let’s Vlog! Doo-da-doo-da-da-doo!

There are three plotlines in this story that all sorta overlap. The title comes from the fact that a diaper company agrees to sponsor the Krushers. The new uniforms say Diapers and the owner feels that he has a stake in the Krushers now that he’s sponsoring them. Kristy eventually tells him to take a hike.

The other two plots relate into the Krushers at different levels. Mrs. Porter’s granddaughter, Druscilla (Dru), who was the subject of a Little Sister book, is staying with ol’ Morbidda Destiny because her parents are getting divorced. Kristy gets her to join the Krushers because she thinks it would be good for Dru, who’s drifting and ‘being difficult.’ She doesn’t like playing and quits, but makes friends with some neighborhood kids and starts a band.

Probably the most important part of the story, though, is that some new neighbors have moved in down the street, the Stevensons. Kristy doesn’t like Abby much at first. She does like Anna but feels they have little in common. Kristy asks them both to join the BSC, but Anna turns her down. Abby not only joins the club (duh) but becomes assistant Krushers’ coach.

Interesting tidbits

Gotta love Kristy’s cover sweater. Paging Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable…

When Emily Michelle watches Krushers practice, she yells ‘stike one!’ every time someone swings the bat. That’s probably both extremely cute and extremely annoying after a while.

There are construction workers updating the Stevensons’ house before they move in. David Michael calls them destruction workers, not because he doesn’t know they correct term, but because they’re knocking stuff down so they can build it back up.

Ooh, I knew this was a Peter Lerangis book the second Linny Papadakis started talking with his mouth full…to insult his sister. Linny: You throw like a girl. Hannie: I am a girl! Linny: That’s no excuse!

A moment later, DM hits Kristy with a softball. When she explains she’s fine because he didn’t throw it hard enough, DM’s insulted by that idea, so Kristy belatedly pretends she’s injured.

Kristy ponders a future as a sports reporter, but you’d think that was the last thing she’d want to be. Isn’t that what her deadbeat father (whom she just four pages before said she doesn’t like even thinking about) did for a living?

IOAG: It’s only a game. Shannon has the right attitude, but we all know Kristy ain’t gonna hear none of that.

Mistake: Shannon shows up to Krushers practice with the Barrett kids, for whom she was sitting. But she leaves practice with the Kuhn kids. Maybe that’s not a mistake; maybe she had a job for the Barretts that ended during practice and has a job with the Kuhns that starts during practice. But that seems weird and unlikely.

Claudia muses on the ‘flavor bouquet’ of year-old candy corn she finds in the back of her closet. I really wish PL had written all these books, honestly.

There’s this way Kristy describes Mal and Jessi joining the club that makes them sound like stray cats—she says they ‘took them in’. It’s a little odd.

Kristy has a dream about the BSC taking on an alien member that sounds very much like the plot line of a bad kids television show. The girl looks normal, but changes into alien form whenever the parents leave and takes the kids aboard her spaceship. The kids adore her and the parents never find out.

Oh, let’s make fun of Morbidda Destiny for a little bit. (Kristy even almost calls her that to her face.) But it’s okay, because we humanize her a moment later by having her tell Watson and Elizabeth that her daughter’s getting divorced and she’s worried about her granddaughter. She even sounds like she’s going to cry.

Heh. The diaper service man has the same name as the boy I had a giant crush on from fifth grade all the way through high school.

I think the diaper-related stuff would have been more interesting if the diaper company had been the same one that Kristy had called when she pranked Shannon back in #11.

The title quote comes after Claudia suggests Kristy demand veto power over the baseball ‘costumes,’ but obviously this wasn’t a bad idea. Maybe Kristy should have listened to her.

“Shannon’s life was one big club sandwich.” After reading Shannon’s Story, I’ve always kind of felt that Shannon overbooks herself on purpose to get out of her house. I like the fact that Shannon’s family is a little dysfunctional, because it’s realistic. (It’s the same reason that I like that Stacey’s parents put her in the middle after their divorce.) Everyone knows a family where the parents don’t really get along/love each other anymore but stay together anyway. Both Shannon and Tiffany’s behavior throughout the series make more sense when you consider their family environment.

When Shannon meets Dru, she’s flipping through an old photo album of Morbidda Destiny’s. Shannon mentions that Mrs. Porter—who was pregnant with her daughter at the time—was beautiful, but Dru thinks she looks like “Barney with hair.”

Real books: Esio Trot (I LOVE Roald Dahl!) and Tiffky Doofky.

We finally meet Anna and Abby in chapter six…

The first descriptor we get of ‘the twins’ (Kristy doesn’t know their names yet) is that they are tall—5’6” or 5’7”. I was curious as to how realistic that is, so I dug up a growth chart. It’s always kind of bugged me that Kristy is described as 5’ even and the shortest girl in her class, when this growth chart suggests that that would be the 25^th percentile for 13 year old girls. 5^th percentile is 4’7”, so Kristy should be closer to that height. On the other hand, while 5’7” is 95^th percentile so it’s possible for Abby to be that tall. (Wouldn’t it be funny if Kristy were 4’7”? Abby would be a full foot taller than her!)

I love reading Kristy’s reaction to Abby. I know that Abby can be overbearing because that’s some people’s first response to books with her in them. But I kind of get the feeling that Kristy’s problem isn’t that Abby’s overwhelming or too much—because everyone else is enjoying her presence. Kristy just seems jealous because she’s not the center of things; she’s not running the show. (It’s double-funny because she says the same thing about Abby needing to be the center of attention.) I honestly think that’s half of Kristy’s problem with Abby, in addition to Abby’s lack of focus and inability to take things seriously.

When the Stevensons first arrive at their home, there are no services due to a mix-up. Because the Brewers aren’t insane enough, they invite the Stevensons to stay with them. Abby and Anna pack a night’s clothes, although probably in darkness. Anna and Kristy think it’s hilarious that Abby shows up to breakfast in a striped shirt and clashing paisley skirt. She should have gone ahead and worn it to school, because then Claudia would have gotten the idea and have been wearing a worse version of it next week. (And of course, it would have looked great on her.)

After half a day, some of the kids (boys) already know Abby (and have a nickname for her). Kristy suggests that sports isn’t Abby’s only skill. Not only is this rude—and presumptuous—but there’s almost a hint of jealousy in that arena, too. I wouldn’t have been bothered by this nearly as much if the guys had had at least one girl with them, so that Kristy was suggesting that Abby made friends easily…rather than that she was easy. (I do find it interesting that Abby’s naturally popular with the opposite sex but she’s not particularly interested in them.)

Real book: Mozart Season. I remember reading that when I was about eleven or so.

Before the Krushers became the Diapers, they beat the Bashers in game one of the ‘world series.’ In game two, they have their new uniforms. Several of them are okay with the outfits saying Diapers, but all the older kids (sans Jackie) hate them. Linny says his dog peed on his, while several of the kids show up with their jerseys inside out. Linny actually almost gets into a fist fight with the members of the opposite team. (Hey! That’s usually Haley’s job…at least to threaten fist fights.)

Abby actually corrects Mr. Davis when he calls Hannie at third baseman. He seems bewildered by the political correctness, but it shuts him up for a moment. Before that, he’d insulted Patsy, Jake, and Hannie.

Later she calls him on the horrible way he talks to the kids and tells him off enough to get Kristy on board. She sends back his supplies and makes Abby assistant coach instead.

Kristy calls Bart a dork. Look ‘dork’ up in the dictionary sometime.

The Krushers Quartet, Druscilla’s band, makes its debut in the last game of the World Series and becomes Kristy’s secret weapon. They’re so bad that the Bashers are distracted. (After the series is over, they change their name to Druscilla and the Dynamos.)

So my book was previously owned by a seventh grader named Sylvia who attended FOJH. (That would likely be Fort Osage Junior High, which no longer exists. Kids in that district now attend Osage Trail Middle School.)

Outfits:

Abby: U4ME t-shirt, baggy plaid shorts; striped shirt with paisley skirt

Anna: khaki pants, sandals, short-sleeved button down shirt

Next: Mystery #22. Hot dog!

“What, did the accident do something to your tongue?” BSC #82: Jessi and the Troublemaker (1995)

For starters, let’s have a vlog about Why I Feel Sorry For Jessi. (Yes, I caught a Case of the Caps.)

Danielle, the girl with cancer, is back, and she’s in remission! Because she’s actually feeling good, her parents are letting her get away with things that kids shouldn’t be doing, like flooding the bathroom and sledding down the stairs on a mattress. At first Jessi thinks the same way but then decides that Danielle is out of control…but doesn’t do anything in time to stop her from driving her family’s car with her friends on board, causing a minor accident. After that, Danielle’s parents realize that even though she needs to be able to express herself, she also needs boundaries.

Subplot: Jessi and Becca overhear Aunt Cecelia planning a wedding with a man named Mr. Major and assume the two of them are getting married. Of course, they aren’t. It’s as interesting as it sounds.

Interesting Tidbits

The cover: This makes me think of my niece and nephew, not because it looks like them, but because there are almost no rules in their house. She does headstands and backbends in the living room and they jump on the couches and beds and play with swords, toy guns and bows and arrows in the house. If the Pepper had roller blades, this would definitely happen. (Oh, and this happens in chapter 3!)

What’s going to happen when Squirt outgrows that nickname? I can’t see him going to high school still being called Squirt. He’s John, Jr., so will they call him John, or Johnny? I don’t know why I worry about stuff like that.

Heh. Jessi’s USA puzzle is missing two states, including Kansas. Being from the Kansas City metro, I can assure you: this is a good thing.

Ooh, I love BSC foreshadowing! It’s been a while since I’ve read #81 or #80, but Stacey shows up late to the first meeting of the book. (BTW, I’m really looking forward to #83, which is full of OH HELL YEAH! moments.)

Oh, and Stacey is sophisticated because she has diabetes. Does that mean my dad is super sophisticated, too?

Mistake: there’s a quotation mark in the middle of a quote. It’s not major but is majorly distracting.

Real book: Frog and Toad (it doesn’t say which one. I’ve always loved those books, as does Jessi.)

There’s something funny about Becca and Jessi each catching the other eavesdropping on Aunt Cecelia.

I wonder if Mr. Major is related to Mr. McGill’s friend, Mr. Majors?

No Jessi no! BAD JESSI! Do not describe things as ‘gigundo.’ Use your adult words!

Stacey the slacker: She calls Mary Anne at the last freakin’ minute to ask her to cover a job. Mary Anne assumes it must be an emergency, because she can’t imagine ditching a job for anything BUT an emergency.

When Mary Anne catches Danielle, Charlotte and Haley sledding down the basement steps on a crib mattress, Jessi suggests that MA found herself in Aspen. It’s actually kind of cute. (Speaking of, what kid hasn’t wanted to do that at one time or another? At my house we tried it with a laundry basket…it didn’t work very well….)

Ha! Jessi worries that she’s too much like Aunt Cecelia because she said she’d be super-worried if Mal didn’t show up for a meeting and didn’t call. She’d go from ‘where is she’ to ‘she must be dead in a ditch’ in sixty seconds. I think we’re all like that to some extent though.

Oh, and that comes up because Jessi is late to the meeting (with a valid ballet/traffic excuse) but Stacey isn’t there yet.

Jessi says (my paraphrase, but almost exactly) that ‘no one in the history of the BSC had ever blown a meeting off.’ Obviously she wasn’t around during the big BSCfight when Kristy blew off a meeting or two because she was mad at the rest of the members. But then again, she literally wasn’t around then, given that she didn’t move to town for ten more books.

I do love when Jessi and Becca stop acting like sitter and sittee and just act like sisters. For example, they are trying out perfumes (so they can smell nice when AC gets married) and Becca gives Jessi a giant spritz of something gross, then they run away giggling.

So AC: she makes Jessi and Becca “coordinate watches” (which makes me think of ‘Well, Becca, you’re wearing your purple watch so I won’t wear the neon green…’) When they meet up at the appointed time, she’s not done shopping, so she makes them coordinate watches again! Did she think they’d all gotten out of synch in the past few hours?

Danielle says she invited Becca, Charlotte and Vanessa while Kristy was babysitting, but then those three girls arrive…and so does Haley. I’d say maybe she was just with one of the others when they got the call, but she gets to Danielle’s by herself.

Not only do the five girls try to fill the entire stall shower with water (so that they can climb over the side and jump in), but they put egg dye in the water so that it stains everything. The BSC keeps describing Danielle’s ideas as…creative…but that takes the cake. She’s doing what every little girl dreams of doing but won’t because they know they’ll get in huge trouble. (What I want to know is how the egg dyes didn’t all mix together to make poop-brown water. Becca’s socks end up dyed in rainbow colors; that doesn’t sound realistic.)

The BSC discusses AC’s alleged wedding and Mary Anne asks whether the wedding vows will include the word ‘obey’. I didn’t even realize that a wife promising to obey her husband was a ‘thing’ until I read Laura Ingalls Wilder as a child and she refused to include it in her vows. Does anyone (outside of maybe some very strict churches) use that in the wedding anymore?

I haven’t really discussed the subplot much, so here you are. When Jessi and Becca hear AC and Mr. Major discussing when they will need to be at the wedding, they decide to get the two of themselves (and Squirt) ready for the wedding. They seriously believe AC is actually getting married…but trying to keep it a complete secret. I’m flabbergasted by this logic, honestly. And of course they end up mortified because everyone else (the adults) knew what was going on and wind up shaking their heads at the kids.

Jessi calls Danielle and her friends the fearsome fivesome.

When the girls roll the Roberts’ car in slow-motion into another car, no one is seriously hurt, although Vanessa does get stitches in her forehead. Jessi is actually super mature and responsible, getting all the girls who aren’t hurt out of the car quickly and instructing Vanessa (who could have had a head or neck injury) not to move. It’s kind of remarkable when you think about it. She’s really just a little girl herself—only two years older than Danielle, Haley and Vanessa, who all thought getting in a car without a licensed driver was a fantastic idea.

Vanessa is extremely proud of her injury, as it’s the first time she’d gotten stitches. (Ha!)

The Johanssens and Braddocks both assure Jessi that Charlotte and Haley are in Major Trouble. I’m glad that the other parents didn’t just decide that it was Danielle’s fault or it was a group mentality or anything. All of those girls should be in some sort of trouble.

And then, being preteen girls, they all blame Danielle for their getting into trouble. That’s both natural and a little bit fair. But given that any one of them could have said, “I’m not getting in a car with you” and told Jessi what was going on, it’s kind of cruel as well.

Stacey, who had scheduled three separate sitting jobs for the Roberts but had Mary Anne and Jessi cover the other two, solves the problem by arranging a ceasefire between the friends. It’s funny given that Stacey will be the one fighting with her friends in the next book.

The title quote is what Mal says to Vanessa when she refuses to talk to Danielle.

Just after Vanessa says that she got into ‘elephantic’ trouble (translation: big), Haley calls Danielle a kangaroo, because ideas hop out of her head. What’s with the zoo theme?

Oh, Jessi. She decides the best solution to avoid telling her friends that AC didn’t get married is to make her and Mr. Major fall in love. Despite the fact that Mal and Stacey (at least) should have been able to figure out that the wedding didn’t happen, because Jessi took Stacey’s sitting job during the wedding time.

Outfits

Stacey: oversized black sweater, metallic gold t-shirt, jeans

Claudia: faded holey jeans over leopard tights, black Docs with yellow laces, black and yellow flannel shirt with a shoelace bow tie, yellow feather and black bead earrings

Next week: YES!!!!!!! #83

“Time sure flies when you’re eating chocolate.” BSC #78: Claudia and Crazy Peaches (1994)

In which Claudia thinks the world revolves around her and her actions.

Peaches and Russ, Claud’s aunt and uncle, are moving back to Stoneybrook now that Peaches is pregnant. They move in with the Kishis for a month while waiting for their new home to be ready, and Peaches constantly wants Claudia to do things with her, even encouraging her to not do her homework. After Claudia gets in trouble after Peaches takes her out for a midnight pizza and doesn’t leave a note, she and Peaches snap at each other, both saying some hurtful things. When Peaches miscarries a short time later, Claudia thinks their fight was the cause. She and Peaches make up and Peaches and Russ vow that there will be other pregnancies.

Meanwhile, Natalie Springer from the Little Sister books is a new client for the BSC, who try to force friendships between the friendless Natalie and the neighborhood kids. Eventually, Claudia helps her write some friendship rules and she starts jumping rope with Charlotte and Becca.

I will be adding a vlog to this post when I post the next entry, so check back. It’s just really awkward creating a vlog entry in someone else’s house. Plus, I don’t have my crazy peaches!

Interesting Tidbits

The cover: Claudia and Peaches were way ahead of trend with their phony ‘staches:

Oh, and this actually happens in the book, down to the outfits and mustaches.

Claudia’s motto: If you can’t eat it or wear it, paint it. What does that say of her junk food art? And the fact that, two sentence later, she says she paints clothing? I think there’s a flaw somewhere in her logic. Maybe that should read: Even if you can eat it or wear it, paint it.

Mrs. Kishi tells Claudia to come straight home, as she has a phone call expected at 4pm. In an earlier book, we established that Kristy and Bart have time to watch two movies and do homework before dinner, so school must get out pretty early at SMS. Oh, well, this is Stoneybrook, where the theory of relativity really gets stretched. Time is extremely relative here.

Heh. Claudia says she’s ‘slogging through Jell-O trying to keep up with everyone, simply because it’s Monday morning. I feel like that this morning, or anytime I have to do a clopen (close the store one night, open it the next morning.)

Claudia’s uncle Russ  “isn’t Japanese. He’s American-American.” I think it is interesting how, when you have a clear ancestry and/or recently immigrated parents, society makes a point of saying so, yet the rest of us are just American. (This also has something to do with race, not just ancestry. I was writing a report not long ago about the Yukon and the problems in the native villages with drugs and alcohol, and writing Native Canadian a bunch was really weird, yet we don’t think twice about Native American or African American.)

I think the title quote is Claudia’s real life motto.

Peaches actually has a really cute method of telling Claudia she’s pregnant. She says that Claud needs to put her on the list of BSC clients. Even though she doesn’t live nearby, she’s obviously listened to Claudia when she talks about her life. It’s kind of sweet. (Plus, she IS moving back to town.)

There’s something really funny about Claudia listing all of Stacey’s crushes in chapter 2, but I can’t figure out WHY. Maybe it’s the pot calling the kettle black? I think she left a few out, though, as the list seemed short.

Claudia’s cleaning when the BSC shows up for their meeting, and they all have some kind of crack to make about that. Shannon’s is the best: “Claudia, who are you trying to kid? I know that’s not a real vacuum cleaner.” (Claud aims it at her, so Kristy tells her to put her weapon away.)

Oh, good night. Claudia calls the BSC to tell them Peaches is moving back to town, and they all have advice or words to say that are completely going with the one-dimensional nature the BSC starts to take on at this point in the series. Mal suggests a journal; Jessi suggests classical music. Kristy wants to help Peaches stay fit and active while Shannon suggests speaking French to the baby so it becomes bilingual. (Wouldn’t Japanese be a more fitting choice, honestly?)

Claudia spelling! Frase, inventted, describ, Nataly, sollid, awile, sugested, freind. Oh, and she’s not kiding.

Claudia and Natalie play ‘Lovely Ladies,’ Karen’s favorite game, but Natalie doesn’t really know how to play. It’s really sad that she really wants to play this game because she’s heard Karen talk about it, but never seen it played or anything. We all know a little girl like Natalie…and some of us were that little girl. (I did love it when she said that Pierre—the name of her poodle in the game—was also her first husband’s name. That’s hilarious to me as an adult, but where in the name of all that’s holy did Natalie ever hear something like that?)

Umm, why is Mrs. Springer so happy that Claudia is willing to let Natalie come over and help clean? I think Natalie must be so much happier because she has a ‘friend,’ but Mrs. Springer must realize that hanging out with 13-year-old Claudia isn’t the same thing as Natalie having a real friend her own age. It’s actually kind of similar to #77, when Dawn is keeping an eye on Whitney while telling her they’re friends. The difference, of course, is that at age 12, Whitney had a lot more in common with Dawn than Natalie and Claudia have in common. Whitney wasn’t a ‘pity friend,’ like I think when I read about Claudia being willing to spend all this time with Natalie.

It’s sort of cute that Russ won’t let Peaches help unpack the car because the doctor told her not to lift anything too heavy (as in, Peaches says, a piano or a bus.)

Peaches takes Claudia baby shopping, which she enjoys. What gets me, though, is that they don’t just buy furniture and a swing and stuff like that. They actually pick out clothes and bedding. (Peaches’ bedding pattern is hideous.) Wouldn’t it make more sense to wait until they’ve moved into their own house to buy stuff like that? I mean, what’s the point of having the crib sheets if you can’t even set up the crib yet. Also, knowing that Peaches will eventually miscarry, she can’t have been too far along in her pregnancy. It seems to be putting the horse before the cart. I know plenty of people who don’t even tell people they’re expecting until they hit 20 weeks.

I see Natalie’s logic when it comes to friends. She thinks that she can’t be friends with someone because they already have friends. She can’t be friends with Haley or Corrie because they are usually with other people; Leif and Lindsey who live on her street are BFFs, so she can’t be friends with them. It’s hard to be shy and socially awkward, especially when you start with the mindset that you can’t join an already-made friend group. When I was Natalie’s age, my two best friends were the new girls who moved in that school year, because they didn’t have friends and neither did I.

Stacey suggests that if all their babysitting charges were like Natalie—stopping by and calling all the time—they’d have to wear disguises and hide out in order to have privacy.

Mary Anne really enjoys the knitting lesson she gives Claudia…because Claud is terrible at knitting. Sounds perverse, but she just likes seeing Claud not be awesomely perfect at something artsy the first time around. (Although knitting is more craftsy than artsy.)

Oh, and then MA and Claud make really bad knitting puns…so bad that I’m not even going to repeat them.

Peaches may be fun, but she’s really a bad influence. She quit her job even though she’s barely pregnant, but she gets bored sitting around. She keeps getting Claudia to help her with one caper or another by telling her “you can just do your homework later.” A good aunt would help Claud with her homework so that it’s done and the two of them could get into mischief later.

It never occurred to me before that the art supply store in Stoneybrook is named Art’s to be punny. I thought that the owner was named Art.

When Shannon calls the Pike house, the triplets answer and they all want to say hi to her. Did they pick up the phone together, or did they find out who was on the phone and insist upon all getting on to say hi before giving the phone to Margo?

Shannon’s attempt to invite all of the other kids over and make them be friends with Natalie doesn’t work, and the BSC can’t figure out why. Natalie’s being extremely bossy the whole time; it’s like she doesn’t know how to act with the other kids. Some kids just don’t know how to do things without being taught; sounds like someone needs to teach her social skills a little.

I wonder if the BSC ever babysits for Natalie again after this book. I know she shows up occasionally, playing with Charlotte and Becca, but I don’t recall them ever actually sitting for her.

Claudia finally decides to help Natalie write some friendship rules so that she knows how to behave with her friends. Proof once again that Claudia would make an excellent teacher.

More Claudia spelling. And Natalie spelling to boot! Claudia: freind, shar (share), misstaek, sory, meens. Natalie: freind (only sometimes…Claudia spells it wrong every time), lissens

Claudia: backwards suspenders (not going to ask why or how), tuxedo pants and tie dyed t-shirt; jean vest covered in safety pins and plastic charms (I had one like that…in 1986. When I was five.), jean skirt, red cowboy boots; baggy jeans with extra-long belt, white shirt, pinstriped vest, purple hightops, black derby with pink and purple band

Next: We get to start May with the seasonally-inappropriate Mystery #17: Dawn and the Halloween Mystery.

“Dawn’s got her mind on other things. Like permanent garbage.” BSC #57: Dawn Saves the Planet (1992)

You all owe me big time for even opening this book. You can pay me in alcohol or BSC books; I still need 20 to complete my set.

Okay, before I begin, let’s vlog about Dawn:

So the eighth graders are studying ecology in science class, and Dawn and Stacey decide to create an environmentally friendly class for some of the their sitting charges. The kids get really into it, but Dawn is even worse. She lectures everyone and is totally out of control. She gets the good idea to start a recycling program at SMS, which the students get behind quickly. However, Dawn’s been so annoying that the kids at school don’t want her to head up the program. Eventually, the BSC shows her the error of her ways.

Interesting Tidbits

This book is so bad, I couldn’t even get Scout the cat to attack it. And I tried!

The cover. The girls seem really intent on that ridiculous, pointless poster Dawn’s pointing at, but the boys aren’t paying attention at all.

And Dawn is being annoying right off the bat: She sits down and announces, “I’m going to save the planet.” To make me laugh, Claudia responds, “It’s about time.”

Claudia’s the one making fun of the lunch this time, by calling it “The Green Slime.”

Oh, Dawn’s one of those people: the ones who make lists for everything.

It says that Marnie Barrett “raced” down the steps, but most two year olds aren’t that steady on their feet. Marnie barely speaks, and I’ve always pictured her as being a ‘young’ two, (as compared to Gabbie, who is 2 and ½ and has the language skills of an elementary school students.)

My parents never bought six-packs of soda, but I remember staying at my uncle’s house and trying to plead with him to cut up the six-pack rings so fish didn’t get stuck in them. Sad but true—I think I learned that from this book.

Stacey and Dawn hug in the hallway and a couple of boys look at them and smirk. I think that might be just about the only same sex combo I haven’t seen a fanfic about.

I really wonder sometimes how they decide which kids should be part of each activity. Like, why are all the kids in Kristy’s neighborhood (DM, the Papadakises and the Kormans) invited to an ecology class in Stacey’s backyard while the Arnold twins, who live in her neighborhood, are not?

Also, they invite two Pike kids—Nicky and Vanessa—but not the younger ones. I can see the logic behind this if everyone in the class were around that same age. Most of them are, but then Andrew and Suzi are there too. Why not invite Margo (who is seven, same age as many of the students) and Claire, then?

I wonder what kids who read this book today think. Recycling is such a normal part of many people’s lives these days. Many cities have recycling facilities and many kids just leave their recyclables on their front stoop, next to their garbage. Of course, there are still people who burn all their garbage and others, like my former supervisor, who feel like recycling is a conspiracy and a waste of time.

And now Dawn’s lecturing Claudia on her candy choices because the ‘chocolate drops’ are individually wrapped in plastic.

What kind of school uses Styrofoam cups for their individual servings of food? We always had everything in plastic cups. Of course, Dawn would probably bitch about those, too.

Oh, look, the Ohdners! They have the measles this time.

Dawn’s not paying attention during a BSC meeting, and the title quote is Claudia’s commentary on it.

And now Dawn’s being a jerk to everyone because they’re all not as much of an enviro-Nazi (I’m totally going to patent that term, but you all can use it) as she is. She gripes at Claudia for throwing out a soda can, Mary Anne for not writing on both sides of the paper, etc. She says she sounds like a ‘grumpy old teacher’, but she really sounds like an asshole.

Ha! Both Dawn and Stacey are teaching the class together, but because Stacey hasn’t taken leave of her senses, Mal and Jessi only blame Dawn when the Pikes become mini enviro-Nazis. They call them Green Meanies.

And this part was funny:

            Jessi: Is it alright to give the kids glasses of milk to drink?

            Mal: Sure. Why wouldn’t it be?

            Jessi: I don’t know. Maybe milking cows is bad for the animals.

            Mal: The Green Patrol has really shaken you up, hasn’t it?

            Jessi: I’m afraid to breathe. I might pollute the air.

You know Dawn’s being a bitch when even Mary Anne abandons her. She’s trying to get students to join her recycling effort, but then yells at them when they aren’t environmentally perfect. MA, who was holding Dawn’s sign for her, hands it back and walks away stiffly.

And she keeps it up with someone who doesn’t want to learn anything: Shawna Riverson, she of the genius idea to cheat off Claudia. Shawna actually manages to get a good shot back in at Dawn.

You know what time it is? Claudia spelling time! Wernt, cauht, Charlot, chatered, rilly, lerned. Oh, and did you know that the real name of this book is Dawn Saves the Plant? You should, because that’s how Claudia spelled it.

Trevor and Woody ate paté, brie and sparkling cider at lunch. They brought their own tablecloth, dishes, glasses and flatware. They claim that they did it to piss off the lunch ladies and protest the mystery meat lunches, but it sounds like they were on a date.

Dawn asks Claudia to make the fliers for the Green Fair. Claudia asks Charlotte to help her, which is a good idea. Maybe the fliers will actually be spelled properly.

I love how Claudia keeps cracking jokes about Dawn the enviro-Nazi. Stacey’s ready to bitch-slap Dawn (which is something I’d love to see by this point) because she’s totally taken over their class and keeps criticizing her. MA gets all teary-eyed and then just stalks off on Dawn, as I mentioned above. But Claudia just lets Dawn roll off her back while being a little snarky. MA says Dawn told everyone about the recycling program when they walked in the front door, and Claud replies, “That must be why everyone is using the back entrance.”

So after Dawn is not elected to head the recycling program, she pouts and refused to get involved with it. Because she’s terribly mature.

The SMS band sounds a lot like the band at my middle school. MA says they have to announce the name of the song their going to play, because otherwise no one would ever recognize it.

Oh, the Toilet Monster. How I love thee.

YES! Bill and Melody call their parents out on the hot dog/babysitter conspiracy. I do love that that fact remains (nearly) consistent, with them eating hot dogs in every books except the one where they have fish sticks, and this one, when their complaining gets them pizza for dinner.

Does anyone think that Kristy would actually be grossed out by the idea of squishing bugs? It doesn’t seem to match her tomboy act.

So I’m about twelve chapters into the book and I’m eating nachos as I read. I sat here, getting ready to read on, and thought to myself, “I wish I had some tequila to go with this.” And then I realized I did! So if the tidbits make no sense after this, I apologize. 

Stacey finally gets fed up and calls Dawn on her shit, which starts everyone pointing out that Dawn’s been lecturing and ordering everyone around. Mary Anne points out that Dawn’s been unpleasant; Kristy ups it to obnoxious.

I feel like Dawn’s usually a least a little bit obnoxious, but she upped it in this book to “raging bitch.”

Ha ha ha! The booth manned by Karen, Andrew and Suzi topples over in the breeze. Mal calms the three of them down—they’d been worried that no one would want to come to their broken booth—by suggesting it looked like a scene from The Wizard of Oz and was magical. It’s actually really cute the way she turns the kids’ mood around, although my favorite part was that Adam was standing right behind her, scoffing at the idea the whole time.

At the end, Mrs. Gonzales, Dawn’s teacher and the head of the recycling committee, asks her to be co-chair. Which doesn’t sound like a good idea on her part.

Outfits

Stacey: floral leggings, pink shirt with big sleeves, long vest, black fedora (OMG, she’s totally Blossom!)

Next week: #58 Stacey’s Choice

“That’s funny. You’ve never noticed my nose job.” BSC #43: Stacey’s Emergency (1991)—British edition

So I blogged this on Saturday evening, and then Sunday, instead of celebrating Tessie’s birthday with pedicures, I spent the whole day in the ER. I guess I just couldn’t read about Stacey’s health problems without having a few of my own. (For the record, I will be better in a few days.)

I promised you all a vlog entry, but I want to apologize for it before I post it. There’s a reason I don’t generally do videos. I tend to look everywhere BUT at the camera, the camera work is shoddy (it’s sitting in my lap) and I have certain tics (like pushing my glasses up my nose) that I just cannot control for the short amount of time the video is recorded. That said, watch on if you dare!

So. The plot. For more than the past ten books, they’ve been foreshadowing Stacey getting ill: she’s tired, she has to watch her diet more, whatever. Stacey’s making things even worse by sneaking chocolate and not telling her mum she’s feeling poorly. (I’m going a little Brit here). She ends up hospitalized in NYC while visiting her dad. Her parents bicker and refuse to be in the same room, but she has a talk with them and they promise to stop making her life hard(er) by grilling her about the other. We all know how well that goes.

Meanwhile, Charlotte is crazy-worried about Stacey being ill, so she gets all hypochondriac. It’s as boring as it sounds.

Interesting Tidbits

There is a lot of diabetes in my family, so when I read this as a kid, I worried a lot about my dad and uncles and grandmother getting sick like Stacey did. It wasn’t until I got older that I learned the difference between Type 1 (juvenile) diabetes, like Stacey has, and Type 2 diabetes, which runs in my family. For those who complain about the way Stacey’s diabetes is treated, I suggest one of the One Last Wish books by Lurlene McDaniel, about a girl with Type 1 diabetes—which, it should be noted, Lurlene McDaniel’s son also suffers with. The book is called All the Days of her Life and is notable for being one of the very few LM books in which no one dies!

Even though this is the British version, let’s talk about the American cover. It’s one of my favorites. 1) Action is happening there! You really want Stacey to catch that bowl! 2) This actually happens in the book, as Charlotte and Becca make a massive mess as Martian fudge makers. They’re even wearing deely-bobbers (that’s the technical term for the antennae the girls have) and aprons, just like it says in the text:

Brit-isms for the first three chapters: a posh hotel instead of a fancy hotel; Claudia likes to wear ‘hairslides’ and plait her hair; Claudia keeps winegums in her bedroom (rather than, say Mounds bars); Mal wears ‘a brace’ on her teeth; Kristy and Claudia are chairman and vice chairman of the club; Stacey is very good at ‘maths’; they eat Maltesers at the meeting

You know this is a diabetes-centric book very early on, because Stacey’s discussion of how she gives herself insulin is a) very detailed and b) happens in the first couple of pages.

Real book: The Dancing Cats of Applesap.

I laugh every time someone describes Stacey’s perm as fluffy. I can’t explain that reaction at all. Maybe it’s the association between her hair and a towel.

Just so everyone knows, the official ‘genius IQ’ isn’t 150 like they say in these books. It’s 130, which is two standard deviations from ‘normal.’ If I remember my statistics class (from twelve years ago) correctly, 90 percent of the population has an IQ between 70 and 130.

If I ever get divorced, I’m going to move to Stoneybrook. It’s apparently the thing to do.

Stacey considers herself the seventh member of the BSC, because they were a six before she moved back. Interesting. She also says that she doesn’t think there will be any more members unless someone else ‘has to’ leave. That’s actually kinda accurate.

Cootie catchers! Of course, we never called them that growing up, but I know a few people who did. I made one on Christmas when I was avoiding celebrating and wrote really foul ‘fortunes’ inside.

I’m really loving all the British candy. I used to love Maltesers, until I overdosed on them once. Haven’t been able to eat anything with malted milk ever since.

Chapters 4-6: Stacey’s dad lives in a flat; Stacey ‘clears up’ the fudge making mess; Stacey wraps fudge in a serviette rather than a napkin; a form teacher rather than a home room teacher

Stacey’s parents are jerks. Her dad calls to talk to her about the weekend she’ll be at his place and asks where her mother is. Stacey tells him honestly—she’s only at the Pikes’—but her dad gets all pissy with Stacey because he’s mad at her mom for not being home. I do love Stacey’s response, though: “I’ve been able to stay home alone for several years now. Sometimes, I even babysit.” And her mom’s not really any better.

I stock the ingredients for what I call “Betty Crocker’s Cheaty Whale Fudge”* in my house on a regular basis because I find that it’s sometimes the only cure for PMS, but do most people keep all the ingredients for ‘regular’ fudge in their cupboards? Even if that’s normal, how does Charlotte know that they have all the ingredients, or even what the ingredients are? (Maybe her mom bought them and promised to make fudge with her sometime soon, and it just never happened?)

I would so totally stay at the Grand Sparkle-Glitter Hotel. I imagine the décor is done up in rainbows and unicorns.

Oh, no. Mary Anne is SO that girl who would spot a celebrity and follow them into the bathroom, shoving a piece of paper under the stall for an autograph. She has the potential to be a celebrity stalker. She wants Stacey to bring back table scraps from any famous people she sees. Kristy: “If, for whatever strange reason, I ever end up as a celebrity, don’t let Mary Anne anywhere near me.”

I have two distinct memories of this book: One is of Stacey going into the bathroom on the train repeatedly for more and more sips of water, which she has to drink straight from the faucet.

Chapters 7-9: Charlotte and Claudia play pairs (Memory); rubbish instead of trash or garbage; Stacey’s specialist is on holiday (vacation); Charlotte sends Stacey a parcel

Claudia spelling! Charlot Johansin, whant, mihgt, whith, Charlote, beleive, worreid, surprized. She also keeps spelling Martians as martins.

Stacey’s mom calls Claudia while she’s at the Johanssens’, sitting for Charlotte. Um, how did she know she was there? Wouldn’t she have called Claudia’s number? Maybe she called the Kishis and they told her where Claudia was, but is it really responsible to call a teen and tell her that her best friend’s in the hospital while she’s babysitting?

To make that worse, Claudia actually thinks it’s her job to tell Charlotte…instead of telling Dr. and Mr. Johanssen when they get home and letting them break the news.

If Stacey loves Porky Pig and has a pig collection, how is it that she’s never had a stuffed pig before?

Stacey muses as to why the hospital stamps their name on their sheets, saying she doesn’t think anyone wants to be reminded of their hospital stay like that. Yet you know that someone, somewhere, has a set of stolen hospital sheets in the closet.

Why is there no shower in Stacey’s hospital room? You’d think that long-term visitors might need one.

Stacey’s mom (mum) calls her Lovey. I’m fairly certain that’s not in the American version.

Chapter 10-12: Charlotte sleeps in a nightdress; Jessi posted a letter; Stacey calls her friends ‘you lot;

Is it weird that I’m wondering who is covering all of Stacey’s sitting jobs while she’s in the hospital? You know that had to be one of the first things out of Kristy’s mouth when she heard!

I’m as bad as Claudia today: I keep trying to spell Charlotte as Charlote. And then when I tried to write Charlote on purpose, I spelled it properly. Ugh.

Another real book (probably): The Dachshunds of Mama Island. I’ve never in my live had to spell dachshunds before; ‘wiener dogs’ is so much easier to write.

Charlotte’s list of hypochondriac complaints: sore throat, stomachache, headache, earache, pinched nerve, ulcer, diabetes, anemia (actually, anaemia). It would have been much more realistic if Charlotte just decided she had diabetes, like Stacey.

Ooh, the other thing I’ve always remembered: Laine visits Stacey and brings her a bunch of stuff. The one I really remember is the mirror that laughs whenever someone looks into it. I wanted to give one to my sister back when I was ten.

Stacey has a crush on Ross Brown. Why does that name sound so familiar? (She says as she grabs her complete guide to the BSC…which she keeps nearby because the map comes in handy while fanficting.) He’s only mentioned in the guide as being Stacey’s crush in this book, but (correct me if I’m wrong—and I know you will!) isn’t he the one who later develops a crush on Abby in Abby’s Un-Valentine? I don’t own a copy of that yet.

The title quote is Stacey’s response to the idea that you can always tell when someone’s had a nose job—in this case, Cokie. Only one kid in my (fairly wealthy) high school got a nose job, and that was senior year, when she was eighteen. But the gossip about her was just as thick as the BSC makes the gossip about Cokie sound.

Chapter 13-15: ‘full stop’ instead of a period at the end of a sentence; motorway rather than highway; dust cart instead of garbage truck (that one took me a while); piggy in the middle instead of monkey in the middle

Go, Stacey, go! Her parents start arguing in front of her, and she tells them both to shut up and then kicks them out of her hospital room. And she makes them both cry. Normally, I’d say she kinda deserved it: I mean, she does know her parents are divorced and not going to get back together, and also that they don’t want to be in the same room, yet she makes them stay anyway. But even though it’s easy to forget in these books, she’s only thirteen! Her parents need to learn to get over their egos and get along for the sake of their daughter, especially when she’s sick and needs them.

More Charlotte diseases: Lyme disease, arthritis, kidney disease, another sore throat. She sounds like Veda in My Girl, how she’s constantly dying of something because her dad owns a funeral home.

Another real book: Five Little Peppers and How They Grew. I remember I read part of that one once because it was mentioned in this book, but I don’t think I finished it.

Charlotte suggests making a banner for Stacey’s homecoming. No, Charlotte, no! Bad Charlotte! No more banners!

Even this book has a mistake…there is a quotation mark at the end of a paragraph when no one is talking.

No outfits, unless you include Stacey and Charlotte’s nightdresses.

*Basically, this is just a can of sweetened condensed milk, a bag of chocolate chips and a little bit of vanilla. Heat and stir, then let settle for a couple hours. I got the recipe from Betty Crocker, and the Cheaty Whale bit is an old inside joke from high school.

Next week: We’re headed back to NYC for a more successful trip…Super Special #6!