"And that's how I ended up with my own Secret Service agent." BSC Friends Forever #9: Kristy and the Kidnapper (2000)

OMFG.
I think every series has at least one of these. It's either the book that is so bad that you never finish it, or the one that it so ludicrous that you finish it and then go, "Why did I just waste my time?" (That was me with the entire Twilight series.)
Kristy, along with several other SMS students, goes to Washington D.C. to be part of a nation-wide debating contest. (Apparently, since this contest is mostly for fun and includes different ability levels, you can throw a team together at the last damn second and not have to go through any preliminaries to get there.) She's assigned to a three-person beginning team, and one of her teammates is David Hawthorne--better remembered by BSC fans as Terry Hoyt from M#10. David is Terry's given name, and now that his dad isn't tracking down counterfeiters any more, he's allowed to go places and join afterschool activities. Kristy recognizes David as Terry, but David puts her off.
Later, he admits to being Terry after Kristy witnesses someone attempting to kidnap him. Kristy's screams bring the hotel security guards, who rescue David but don't catch the abductor. Kristy agrees to keep a small part of the attempt secret from the police, while David tells his father, a Secret Service agent, everything. The two of them wind up with their own personal SS agents for the duration of the event.
The kidnaper comes back during the finals of the events, and Kristy recognizes him. Mr. Hawthorne tackles him and he's taken into custody. And Kristy gets to go to the White House!
In the B-plot, Abby and Kristy are super-competitive with each other as lead up to their two teams meeting in the finals of the debate contest.
Interesting Tidbits
I am not surprised in the slightest that Kristy and Abby enjoy debating. Not at all. I am just a little surprised that the ghostwriter (word!) felt the need to explain why 13-year-old boys think that the word 'rebuttal' is funny, though. And now all I can think of is Homer Simpson's rebuttal that brief moment he was on the debate team in high school.
Wait...there's something very wrong with this sentence: "She just folded them carefully and added them to the pile in my suitcase." That wouldn't be a problem if she were Mary Anne (neat and tidy) or Claudia or Stacey (fashion fiends), but we're talking about Abby here. The same Abby who packed for Hawaii morning of by throwing a bunch of shit in a suitcase.
Kristy has an inflatable chair.
OOH, Kristy and Abby are hanging out with Melissa from the Philadelphia field trip back in #97. (I think?)
The three girls are sharing a room, which has two double beds and a twin. When I was in college and would pay for my own events--unlike these middle schoolers--that space would have had at least five people in it. Probably more, because there would be room for someone to sleep on the floor in the gap between each bed. (Made a $200 a night room much more affordable.)
Melissa actually sneaks out of her hotel room again--think she would have learned her lesson on that last time--but this time, to meet a boy. And in my head, they are doing all sorts of naughty things together.
Kristy's other teammate is named Kai.
Kristy wonders if Mr. Hawthorne could possibly be a Secret Service agent like David said, stating that he's so normal looking. Well, what is a Secret Service agent supposed to look like? Have a tattoo that says, "I'm working undercover!"? Be green? Have shifty eyes or something?
Umm...I realize that the SMS chaperones have ten kids to supervise between two of them. But Kristy was just the only eye witness to an attempted kidnapping, and Mrs. Simon seems more concerned about getting back to supervise the dance than making sure Kristy is okay. She leaves Kristy with Mr. Hawthorne--whom she does not know is Secret Service--and doesn't really seem concerned. Nice.
"Who was I to question their outfits?" Normally I'd agree with Kristy on this one, but she's talking about the SS agents following her and David, whom she thinks stick out because of their attire. She's probably partly right (if 99% of the people at the hotel are casually dressed, they might be pretty obvious in their suits) but I think she's just of that opinion because the two of them are so obvious to her...because she knows they're there and why they're there.
Apparently Kristy and her roomies are allowed to have male guests in their room until lights out. There's a logical reason for that--private practicing and preparing--but at the same time, it seems like a recipe for disaster for people like Melissa and her one-true-love that she keeps sneaking out with.
David jokes that Kristy has a big mouth--while Kai has brains and he has charm--and for some reason, she thinks it's hysterical. (Yeah, I know Kristy admits she has a big mouth, and that he was joking, but I wouldn't think that was funny if he listed that as my only 'positive.')
Heh...the attempted kidnapers name is Lance Dibdin. Try saying Dibdin five times fast.
Turns out that flighty, flirty Melissa is actually amazingly good at extemporaneous speaking--which, for those who haven't heard of it, consists of being given a statement and asked to defend it, with no prep time. Basically, you have to be able to think on your feet. She ends up making it to the finals, versus her 'sweetie', and Kristy and Abby decide to explain to her that she shouldn't throw the finals just to make the boyfriend happen. Her response: "I plan to kick butt." Heh.
When Kristy and her friends return from a trip to the Smithsonian, they learn that David gave his SS agent the slip. Lucas (Melissa's boyfriend/David's friend) is more interested in whether the agent will get punished than the fact that David is missing.
"I imagined David on a plane to Mexico, drugged and blindfolded." Hope that's a private plane, because otherwise someone is going to notice a blindfolded kid on a commercial flight.
Melissa brings Lucas to the girls' after curfew, in violation of the rules. The four of them (M, L, A and K) start playing Scrabble--and then slang/rude word Scrabble. (This is always more fun, if you've never tried it. I got some serious points the time I managed to spell bastard.) They only get to play nerd before they get (almost) caught.
Did you know that the White House is where the President lives? Wow. (Even Kristy gets sarcastic when Abby points that out. I think there's a Karen book where she goes to Washington D.C. and wants to meet the President. [There is, and it's called...Karen's President.] This sounds like a line out of that book.)
Kristy wears a fanny pack. Heh.
Why don't they invite Kai to the White House with them? He was definitely involved in all the escapades. Maybe he'd left already, but he was from New Jersey, so he it's not like he had to make a plane or had a longer trip than the SMS kids.
David takes Kristy and Abby to find "Sparky," the President's cat. At this point, Clinton was still President, but I guess they wanted to make the book more relevant after he left office by not calling the cat Socks. (Although the two cats were similar in appearance.)
Kristy wants to come back and visit her SS agent, because she'll miss him. Groooaaaaan.
So why do I hate this book so much? Well, it's not really hate. It's just that the vast majority of the FF series is grounded in reality. Everyone can relate to fighting with a friend (Claudia and Stacey), or snooping in someone's diary (Kristy) or feeling like you're fading into the background (Mary Anne.) We may not all have dads we haven't seen in six years come out of the wood work, or have had our houses burn down or wound up dating the class clown, but you can understand the human emotions behind all of those things. This just comes straight out of left field and is so ridiculous.
On a final note: several times through the book, the brother-sister debating team of Alexandra and Scott Toombs comes up. I wondered if they were real, ala the Perkinses or Cary Retlin. I found an obituary for their grandfather, so yup, they're real. (Either that or it's a huge coincidence.)
Next: #10, which is the last BSC book I haven't read!

"What does drool have to do with anything?" BSC FF #5: Kristy Power! (1999)

Don't forget the exclamation point. It's exciting!
A substitute English teacher assigns a biography of a classmate to Kristy and company. Kristy is paired with Cary Retlin, who isn't exactly making life easy for her, by giving vague answers and refusing to discuss certain topics. Kristy decides to check out Cary's room and winds up reading his diary, which contains information on a secret that Kristy had been wondering about. Kristy later blurts the information out loud, causing Cary to get horribly upset. Later she finds out it was actually a story he was writing--first person from a character--and he's upset that she was snooping in his private things, not that she knows the 'truth' about him.
Meanwhile, some parents are up in arms over a reading list the same teacher gave the students. The same woman who was protesting at the library in mystery #13 has a daughter in Kristy's class and complains that some of the books are inappropriate.
Interesting Tidbits
Kristy starts the story by explaining that she and Cary are archenemies. The examples that she uses, though...the first two are superheroes (Batman, Superman) which, if any BSC member was going to be into comics and superheroes, it should be Kristy. Then she mentions Men in Black, which just seems wrong. Any reference to movies that came out when I was in high school should not ever make its way into the BSC.
"I used to picture millionaires in top hats and tails. Now I know they wear sweatsuits." I just can't picture Watson in a sweatsuit, and I can't explain why. I still don't have a clear picture of him (and neither did the ghostwriters and illustrators...that's why he's skinny in some books and fat in others), but whenever I think of him, I see him in a button down shirt. Even if I think of him in a sweatshirt, he's that guy who has the collar of his button down shirt peeking out from under the sweatshirt.
Real books: The Catcher in the Rye and A Separate Peace. The latter one disturbed the hell out of me the first time I read it.
Other pairs for biography writing: Alan and Cokie (heh), Claudia and Jeremy (of course), and Rachel and Logan. The teacher claims he pulled names out of a hat, but does anyone actually believe that?
Cary asks for a truce and mentions the events of #123. Kristy gets pissy when he says she annoys him. She's like, how could I possibly annoy him? And I laugh and laugh and laugh. (For the record, I totally get why some people ship these two.)
More real books: The Outsiders and The Red Pony. The assignment is to choose a book that speaks to you and explain how it moved you. I never really liked Catcher, and as I said, Peace disturbed me. I've never read Pony, but I borrowed The Outsiders from the library so many times that I came home from school one day and there was a copy of it on my bed. I still have that copy, twenty two years later, and it's very well read.
Cary Retlin must know my husband. Compare these questions:
Me: What are you up to today?
Hubby: Five-seven.
Kristy: Where were you born?
Cary: In a hospital.
Is this a guy thing, or a smartass thing? Or is that the same thing? (In the next chapter, Kristy and Cary discuss 'normal' topics like politics and basketball, and Kristy says it feels weird...because nothing is ever normal with Cary.)
Interviewing little siblings seems like a good idea, until you think about the kinds of things they would say. Cary's youngest brother Stieg just wants to reveal every 'crime' Cary has ever committed.
Cary is a big fan of surrealist art and M.C. Escher.
Cary's big secret? His journal entry makes it sound like he was expelled from his last school for hacking the school computer. This being Cary, though, you can never be sure.
Kristy's actually waxing nostalgic about the bulletin boards, lockers and cafeteria in SMS, wondering how she'd feel if she never saw it again. My first thought was...well, you'd move on to a new school, with new bulletin boards, lockers and--if you're lucky--maybe even a cafeteria. But I sort of like the idea that Kristy would cling to stuff like that, even if she says her friends would think she was crazy if she said it out loud.
When Kristy's class was all griping over the fact that 'Ted', the sub, was being investigated for the book list he provided the students, I had one thought: Aren't teachers supposed to have their book choices approved? Or choose from an already-approved list? And then Mr. Taylor (the principal, remember?) says that half of the problem was that Ted didn't have the book list approved. (To be fair, every book I've heard mentioned so far is one that is often read in school, but they're also all on the challenged books list.)
More challenged books (not from Ted's list this time): To Kill a Mockingbird, A Light in the Attic, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, and In the Night Kitchen.
"Sometimes you have to be loud to defend what you believe in." --Elizabeth Brewer. So that's where Kristy gets it from!
The title quote is Kristy's reaction to Cary's first questions to Sam. He then promptly kicks her out of the interview.
Cary learns all about 'the spaghetti incident', which is so bad that Kristy responds more strongly to that than to Cary knowing she once peed on Santa's lap. I know you're supposed to wonder...and wonder...and wonder what this spaghetti incident is, but I can't think of anything spaghetti-related that could be worse than peeing on Santa.
Uh-oh. Kristy says she now finds Cary sort of interesting. Next thing you know, she might actually like him!
The poor sub who takes over for Ted has her hands full. The class is all up in arms--even Merrie, whose mother started all of this. They refuse to do the sub's assignment, and instead, they just want to talk the situation over. But she winds up being pretty cool, and letting them map out a plan of what they're going to do and how they're going to do it.
I remember having a manager once who was talking about his son's fourth grade reading assignment. He'd been assigned to read Shiloh, a book I read at that age and LOVED. As soon as dad found out there were curse words in the book, he complained to the teacher. Teacher gladly found son another book to read, but dad tried to convince teacher to take the book off the shelves entirely, and was telling me the story because he was OUTRAGED that she wouldn't do that. I remember saying, "Look, my parents didn't let me swear when I was ten either. And me reading that book didn't change anything. But I knew that shit was a bad word, and the fact that the dog owner named one of his dogs that solidified for me that he was a bad man who didn't treat his animals right." (We won't discuss that Scout is often called Scouty Shithead these days. It's a term of endearment.) He honestly didn't see the harm in dictating what other people's kids were allowed to read, simply because it offended him.
To update on the other dangling plots, Claudia and Stacey have an argument over Jeremy, while Mary Anne is upset over whether or not Kristy will invite Logan to her Christmas party. (She tries to be adult about it, and says that Logan can come...but do you don't think he'll bring a date, do you?)
Haha! During Ted's speech at his hearing, various protestors keep shouting. My favorite is when a woman yells "Save our children!" while he's explaining that he was just trying to give the students a choice. The parents are acting way more immature than the children. Mr. Taylor has to keep glaring at the protestors and threatening them.
Another book: Homecoming. I'm trying to remember that one. Is it a Gary Paulson (sp?) I'll have to look it up. It's the one Kristy winds up reading. (It's actually Cynthia Voigt. I never read that one, although I did read Dicey's Song, with the same characters.)
Cary Retlin: Portrait of a Psychopath--what Kristy calls her biography when she realizes that Cary led her to believe she was reading his journal. She's mad at him, even though she knows she shouldn't have been snooping in the first place, so mad that she actually calls him a booger-head. (She writes several pages on how horrible Cary is, then crumples it up and starts over. With a less silly title.)
Nannie asks Kristy if Cary is her love interest...while waggling her eyebrows. I suddenly love Nannie.
Kristy's having a Christmas party, which she's planning like it's the most important event in history. Claudia: Is Prince William coming? (No, but Mal and Dawn are home for Christmas.)
Ooh, foreshadowing a potential Stacey-Jeremy breakup. (I haven't read the next two books. I just know Stacey is single after that.)
Kristy's one question for Cary that she never gets answered? Why his family left Illinois. (My guess? His dad got a new job.) Cary says that he was accused of witchcraft, so his family left in the middle of the night. And that's how Kristy knows things are right between her and Cary once again.
Outfits
Kristy: dark green corduroys, red turtleneck
Stacey: red woolen miniskirt and mini jacket
Claudia: red and white striped stockings, white dress with red polka dots, tree earrings
Mary Anne: navy velvet dress
Dawn: white denim miniskirt, green silk blouse
Ted: red corduroy pants, red flannel shirt, red polar fleece Santa-esque hat
Next: #6

"It could star in a horror movie." BSC FF#1: Kristy's Big News (1999)

Kristy's father Patrick calls from California, inviting Charlie, Sam, and Kristy to his wedding. Charlie is reluctant to go, but the three of them head to Sausalito anyway. Sam tries to play peacekeeper while Kristy grows close to her new stepmother, Zoey. Charlie, meanwhile, barely holds back anger and frustration. Just before the wedding, Patrick accuses Charlie of being negative and a bad son, because Charlie--among other valid points--mentions the fact that Patrick barely acknowledges David Michael's existence. Kristy winds up telling Patrick off, pointing out how much Charlie has sacrificed because Patrick walked out of their lives. Sam helps Charlie change his perspective enough to enjoy himself at the nuptials.
Interesting Tidbits
Oh look. The ghost of Ben Brewer. I really hope that's the last time that ever gets mentioned.
There's a level of realism in the various Thomas kids' responses to hearing that their father is getting married. Charlie is understandably angry at his father for trying to barge back into their lives, while David Michael is upset because his father didn't even ask for/about him. Sam and Kristy sort of reluctantly agree to go, but neither seems very enthusiastic.
Kristy's breakfast? Wheaties mixed with Rice Krispies. I've never considered mixing cereal in one bowl. Maybe that makes me weird?
I like how the characters and backstory are all introduced organically in these books, much like in the early BSC books. Kristy decides to go see Mary Anne, so there's a whole discussion on the Richard-Sharon marriage, the Dawn-moving-away business, and the fire. Claudia and Stacey aren't mentioned until they show up in the story later, for a BSC meeting.
Oh, and this is the best part: We don't see the BSC meeting. We don't get to hear the history of the BSC, or even much about Stacey and Claudia.
Dinner at the Thomas-Brewer house? Gnocchi with marinara sauce. Or, as Karen says, potato lumps with tomatoes.
This is pretty cruel, though. Charlie is completely set against going to California to stay with the father who abandoned him. He's told it's his choice initially, and Charlie's old enough--and usually described as mature enough--to make those types of decisions. But then Elizabeth tells him that if he doesn't go, then neither can Sam and Kristy--who both were 'meh' about the wedding but actually wanted to see their father. It doesn't sound like a bad parenting choice on one level, and I think that's the level it's intended to be seen on: among other things, Kristy points out how unfair it is for her and Sam to have to explain to their father why Charlie didn't attend. But it's essentially emotional blackmail. Elizabeth knows how much Sam and Kristy want to go, even if they don't say so, and so does Charlie. She also knows how responsible Charlie's always felt--been made to feel--for his younger siblings. There's only one possible ending to that scenario, and it's not really fair. Charlie should be allowed to say, "No--I'm angry at my father and not ready to play nice with him. Maybe someday. But not now."
For Charlie's eleventh birthday, he's given a baseball glove and the freedom to not babysit Sam and Kristy one day a week, because Sam will watch Kristy. He says "I'm almost ten," but that doesn't seem accurate. Of course, virtually no character in this series had an actual birthday. They just were mentioned as one age when they were introduced and then, several books later, were all a year older. So for all we know, there's actually a fifteen month gap between Sam and Charlie, and they were just frozen in age in those three months where they were two years apart in age. Later, Patrick makes a comment that makes the same thing more plausible.
Another thing I like: Kristy rarely mentions her father, except to say she's angry at him. She sees him once in a super special, and again in her autobiography, but she never really learns much about him either of those times. So in her mind, he's still as he was seven years earlier. She imagines him living in a small house, with a beat up car, because he never made much money while married to her mother, and she thinks little else could have changed about him. So she's shocked when he has a really nice car and a huge, gorgeous house (in a part of the country that requires beau coup bucks...)
I must say, I like that Kristy, rather than saying, "my father" or "Dad", calls him by his first name, Patrick. If Watson's been more of a father to her, and she calls him by his first name, it would follow that she'd do the same for the father who wasn't there for her.
Patrick and Zoey's house doesn't meet Kristy's expectations, and not just because it's larger than she thought. She seems surprised that Patrick would be able to take enough care to keep plants alive. But to the adult eye, it's quickly obvious that Zoey is the one who cares for the plants. Zoey's study is neat and orderly; Patrick's is messy, with papers everywhere and stacks of books rather than a bookcase full.
This made me laugh: Kristy says that, among other things, Zoey is wearing a chemise and espadrilles. Then, two paragraphs later, she says that she doesn't know what a slip dress with a simple line is. I barely know what chemises and espadrilles are, but I can very clearly picture a slip dress with a simple line.
Kristy apparently drinks mochaccinos. That just sounds...wrong.
The title quote is Charlie's take on the horrific tuxedos Patrick and Sam picked out. Kristy say they are "baby puke yellow."
I like the development of Sam in this book. He's always been a practical joker and a goof; in several books, Stacey is basically more mature than he is. But, he's trying to play peacemaker in this book. He's not only trying to smooth things over between Patrick and Charlie, but also between Patrick and Zoey when Patrick starts acting juvenile.
Kristy wants to wear a tuxedo one day. I guess she's forgotten that Claudia's already done that. I want to say Stacey has, too.
I love the self-awareness. Kristy feels bad because of how much she likes Zoey. I can see why; she and Zoey have a lot in common. They're both organized go-getters who are more functional than decorative in fashion and sense. (Kristy figures this out in the last chapter.) But this makes her feel guilty because she liked Zoey instantly while she took a long time to warm to Watson, who has been the father figure of her life. I can understand that, too: not only had she been without a father for more than six years at that point, but Watson was so different from her bio dad. Then Kristy realizes that she actually likes Zoey better than Patrick, too. Again, completely understandable. Patrick abandoned her and has been a very negative presence in her life by not being there and not keeping basic parenting promises. Yet Zoey is a very maternal figure without trying to replace Elizabeth. *I* like her better than Patrick.
To be fair, the readers are obviously not supposed to like Patrick. He's written as being a very unlikeable guy: charming on the surface, but completely clueless and thoughtless. Even though Charlie is clearly uncomfortable with him and with being at the wedding, Patrick either can't tell or doesn't want to acknowledge that.
Patrick has a brother, Ray. I have to assume that is Robin's father.
OO-ooh. Kristy sees Sam's attempts to smooth things over as more of a way of buttering Patrick up, and then says Sam got that trait from Patrick. I never thought of it that way, but Sam's sense of humor, practical joking is similar to the way Patrick winks at Kristy all the time when he's riling Zoey up.
More Sam development: he gets angry at Charlie for not making any effort. Sam says that, even though he's angry, he's trying to forgive because that's his father and this is a chance they didn't think they'd have.
Sam and Charlie remind me, in a way, of Teah and Tessie. Their parents split when they were preteens, and their father made almost no effort to be involved in their lives after that, to the point where he has barely met Teah's kids, who are now nine and six. Teah tries to reach out to him and seek his approval at every available opportunity, while Tessie won't bother. She's mostly angry, despite her claims to the contrary.
Sam the profound: "But get this point: Patrick's never going to live up to our expectations of him, not the ones we had when we were children." He is a lot more mature in that moment than he's usually given credit for. I don't remember agreeing so much with Sam the first time I read this book....
I like that Zoey has no illusions about who Patrick is or what he's done. She's also smart enough to praise Elizabeth for raising such great kids on her own. Not only would that be true, but it's good of her to speak well about Kristy's mother to Kristy.
And after the wedding, Kristy's mother says she wishes Patrick and Zoey well, without any sense of sarcasm or anything.
Mary Anne points out that Patrick hasn't aged any since she saw him last, and Kristy notes he hasn't changed in other ways, either. I like that the girls all agree that's sad and feel sorry for him because of it. It leads Kristy to the revelation that just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to like them. And that's a really hard lesson to learn.
Outfits
Kristy: jeans and a long sleeved shirt, tucked in; burgundy velvety dress with short sleeves; khakis and nice shirt; cut offs and Cynthia Cooper WNBA shirt
Zoey: baggy khaki pants, green crocheted vest, yellow and blue striped cotton chemise, espadrilles with ribbons, engagement ring with an emerald on a chain; green wedding dress with high neck, tight sleeves and pearl buttons
Mona, Zoey's ex-stepmother: pink pantsuit and blue scarf
Maude, Zoey's current stepmother: pink and yellow pantsuit
Claudia: cut off jean shorts over bicycle shorts, suspenders, Jackson Pollack-style splattered t-shirt
Mary Anne: khakis and polo
Stacey: blue ribbed sleeveless shirt, linen overall shorts
That's a whole lot of outfits for a Kristy book.
Next: #2 I hope there is cattiness of the highest order!

“Trust Claudia to believe a handful of chips can change your outlook on life.” BSC #129 Kristy at Bat (1999)

It’s softball season again, and Kristy goes to tryouts for the SMS team. Since she was on the team ‘last season’, she figures she’s made in the shade and doesn’t give it her all. Kristy is embarrassed that she is then placed on second string. Meanwhile, Watson has signed him and Kristy up for a fantasy baseball camp. The camp in run by Bill Bain, Watson’s baseball hero, and Watson can’t wait to meet him. Only the camp is disorganized and Bain barely even shows up. Watson’s miserable about Bain, Kristy’s miserable about second string—and thinking about her bio-dad a lot—and the team’s not coming together like they should. Kristy winds up telling off Bill Bain and he learns his lesson and coaches their team to victory! Or something.
In the B plot, the kids are all swapping baseball cards, and David Michael gets ripped off. It’s as boring as it sounds.
Interesting Tidbits
I find it really interesting that Kristy didn’t join the school softball team until book #74, which had to be at least the fifth time she’d gone through eighth grade. And then she’s not mentioned being on the team again until this book. I guess that it takes up too much of her Krusher/sitting/being an idea machine time?
Kristy thinks Watson is handsome, if you like balding types. If I had a stepdad, I wouldn’t even stop to think if he was handsome or not. Far too Oedipal for me.
“I dress like a seven year old boy. Except for the Spiderman underwear.” This is much funnier if you take it to mean that she wears Spiderman underwear, not David Michael.
The Brewers have a minivan. I love how more and more minivans (and even SUVs) show up in these later books, while everyone had a station wagon in the early days.
Fun fact: Bill Bain played for the Orioles.
We’re introduced to the BSC members by what fantasy camp they would want to attend. Some of them are obvious: soccer camp for Abby, ballet camp for Jessi. But Kristy thinks that Mary Anne would probably want to attend needle point camp. I’m picturing needle craft fantasy camp and it’s hilarious. Meet world famous needle-pointers! Be a smocking rock star!
Mistake: Kristy says Anna’s hair is longer than Abby’s, when the opposite is true.
My middle school didn’t have first and second string as is standard; instead we had “A” and “B” teams. I think the idea was to soften the stigma of being second string by calling it B team? But it’s not like anyone didn’t know they were the same thing. (This is also a school that wouldn’t let us play dodgeball, so we played bombardment instead. It was the same exact thing.)
I like this a lot: Kristy’s more upset at herself for not trying her hardest than she is at the coach for putting her on second string. It’s very mature, and that’s not a word you get to use for Kristy too often. I also like that she admitted it to everyone and didn’t try to keep it a secret. It’s the opposite of, say, Abby’s behavior in #110.
The title quote comes from everyone trying to make Kristy feel better.
Ha! Dream camp is in Delaware. Glad to know there’s something in Delaware.
Watson is all kinds of stalker-y about Bill Bain. He knows his middle name, his parents’ names, all his stats and when he was on Johnny Carson. Kristy guesses that he knows his shoe size, too. (I can’t help thinking that if Watson and Elizabeth had those lists of celebrities they have permission to cheat with, Bill Bain would right at the top of Watson’s…the way Justin Timberlake is at the top of my brother-in-law’s. [Don’t ask. Please don’t ask.])
Claudia spelling: Mickel (Michael), corse, Bary (Barry.) She also uses your for you’re and pore for poor.
How you know it’s not 1986 anymore: Emily Michelle has a play date with a little girl named Dakota. I think it’s funny to compare the kids introduced early in the series (Alan, Pete) to the kids introduced later (Josh) in terms of names. Of course, there are exceptions: Logan was introduced long before that name became super-trendy like Stacey’s clothes.
Interesting. I can’t decide if this is a mistake or just an attitude held by the kids. Claudia sees Jake and Laurel Kuhn among the kids who are trading baseball cards with David Michael. She says that Mrs. Kuhn and ‘their baby sister Patsy’ are nearby. But Laurel is six and Patsy is…five. I know Laurel thinks Patsy is babyish, but Patsy is most certainly not a baby.
Another mistake: “Also, even though she’s a year younger, she much taller than me.”
The characters all get a pep talk from one of their coaches, Gloria Kemp, who played on the Georgia Peaches (as seen in A League of the Their Own.) Reading that now, all I can think is how old she must be. My grandparents were in school during the war, and they’re now in their eighties. I realize this story takes place 17 years ago, but if Gloria Kemp was 22 when she was playing professional ball, she would have been 78 in 1999 and would be 95 today. (That is, if she played on the 1943 team.)
The third coach, Matt, played for the White Sox.
Kristy waxes nostalgic about the first time she went to Shea stadium with her dad and older brothers. But isn’t that where she was almost born? I can see her dad not wanting to take her until she’s old enough to enjoy the game (or, given that he wasn’t much of a parent, until she was old enough to not need diaper changes and be distracting), but you’d think they’d have gone other times. There’s also the whole thing in an early book about Kristy never having left the state of Connecticut. Did Shea Stadium come to her or something?
Matt says he’s high tech. He then pulls out a cell phone and ‘yanks up the antenna.’ Yeah, that’s real high tech.
Mary Anne doesn’t know Willie Mays from Michael Jordan. I know enough about sports to know that those two played two different sports…for the most part….
The David Michael subplot is so boring that I didn’t even want to bring it up. But this was interesting. The whole plot is that DM—and his friends—originally just liked the cards because of the player stats, or what they knew about the players. (Laurel, for example, was trading to try to get every player she could that was named Joe.) But this kid Barry knew the value of all the cards and was really into trading and making his collection more valuable. He tricked DM into trading him a card that was worth a lot for a couple of cards that weren’t worth squat. DM was upset about it, until Abby pointed out (my paraphrase): “Look, he got that card fair and square. It’s not his fault you left your value guide at home, and you agreed to the trade. Suck it up.”
Kristy spends a lot of time thinking about her dad, as he’s the one who gave her her love of baseball. But she’s idolizing him a couple of times, especially when Watson’s upset with her. It’s kind of obnoxious, because there’s no way her father would ever have taken her to a fantasy campy like this one, but it seems pretty realistic for a teenager who grew up without a parent to romanticize what their relationship would be like.
And, to be fair, she does say she feels disloyal to Watson when she thinks like that. And says that even though baseball will always make her think of her dad, it will now always make her think of Watson and the game they played together. Awww!
The staff makes up a special award for Kristy to win at the end of the book, and it’s such bullplop. I really wished they’d ended with Watson and Kristy hugging at the end of the game instead.
New characters
Vicki Sahadeven (12)—29
Next: #130

“Or else the torture room.” BSC Mystery #36: Kristy and the Cat Burglar (1998)

I’ve been a little distracted in posting for the past few weeks. Between wedding plans and having all three of my bridesmaids pregnant at the same time, I’ve been in a tizzy. Well, now only two of my bridesmaids are pregnant, as my baby sister gave birth to her beautiful, 9lb 10oz ‘big nugget’ this morning. I was planning to call the baby Munchkin if I referred to her on the blog—the way I call my ‘nieces’ Pepper and Kakies, but at that size, she’s not really a munchkin. Nugget is sticking! (Her real name, which I will not post for her privacy, is Shakespearean and absolutely lovely.)

Kristy, David Michael and Karen are wandering around to look at the ‘spooky house’ that is in the woods near their house. While they’re there, a shot rings out and the burglar alarm goes off. Officer Johnson got an anonymous call suggesting he check out the house at the same time the security officer got a call saying his wife was in the hospital. A bag of jewels was stolen, and a red cat was painted on the mail box, the MO of a thief known as The Cat Burglar.

The police officers make Sgt. Johnson their primary suspect. He claims it’s a setup, but he’s arrested anyway. Cary, who witnessed the crime as well, helps the BSC solve the crime. Cary joins Kristy, Mary Anne and Abby at the house, where the owner—who had employed the BSC to solve the crime—has a very rare lamp that had been stolen at an earlier Cat Burglar job. They’d just laid out all the evidence that Sgt. Johnson was innocent, right as Cary and Kristy realize he was the one who’d planted all the evidence. He is about to tie them up when the police arrive. The Cat Burglar is arrested, Sgt. Johnson was exonerated and the BSC vows not to solve mysteries again.

Meanwhile, apparently they hadn’t had a Harriet the Spy takeoff in quite a while, so Charlotte is going around spying on her friends…who get tired of being spied on, so they start spying on her.

Interesting Tidbits

The cover: Apparently, the newspaper article is shocking! Also, Kristy looks different than normal. The art isn’t done by Hodges Solieu or however that’s spelled. Oh, and Kristy’s neon green shorts are hawt!

Kristy runs into Cary, and says that the woods behind her house also abut Cary’s house. I have a few comments about that. Abby lives two houses down from Kristy, next to Morbidda Destiny, and there’s another yard backing up to her backyard—one small enough that she can see into his house through binoculars. And the map in the Complete Guide places Cary’s house on Burnt Hill Road, nowhere near Kristy’s house. Now, to be fair, if you continue down McLelland (Kristy’s street), it ends at Hazlet. Take that far enough and you hit Burnt Hill right at/near Cary’s house. Both Kristy’s house and Cary’s are on the far western side of this map, so it’s possible there are woods there. Maybe the road that our friend the embezzler’s house is on runs at an angle, so that Abby can see into Mr. Finch’s yard, but then woods become thicker and thicker so that Cary’s yard hits some real forest.

Wow, I put waaaaaaaay too much thought into that.

The BSC members are introduced by the best mystery they helped solve. I haven’t finished the chapter yet, but it should be funny when they get to Mal and Jessi, who both got pretty shitty mysteries for their only mystery book.

Um. Sgt. Johnson has some questions for Kristy about what she saw as she, Karen and DM approached Reinhart Golem’s house. (That name is flippin’ awesome, by the way). However, when he asks her to meet him at the police department, he says he’s not really questioning her, because that would require a parent. Instead, it’s just a consultation. This rubs in all the wrong ways. I know we’re supposed to consider Sgt. Johnson a suspect, but this is soooo wrong that I just want them to lock him up, separate from whether he’s The Cat Burglar or not. (Especially because he brings Cary in with his father.)

Oh, and then Kristy starts asking him questions about the burglary, and he answers them! Sure, he doesn’t suspect that Kristy—with two seven year old kids in tow—is The Cat Burglar, but you never know. Someone could have sent her as a distraction.

I like the fact that emphasis is placed on the fact that Claudia, MA, Kristy and Cary are all wearing bike helmets. That definitely wasn’t the case in the early books.

The title quote is what MA says right after Claudia finds the gym in Reinhart Golem’s house. I’m completely with Mary Anne on this one.

Wow, SPD really sucks. It takes Kristy and Cary to find a bullet casing and MA to find a bullet hole in the door and the marker used to put The Cat Burglar’s calling card on the mail box. Shouldn’t the coppers have found the casing when they secured the crime scene?

Kristy tells Golem the BSC had solved a lot of mysteries, including catching jewel thieves. They didn’t actually catch any jewel thieves. Not only were the thieves in mystery #8 actually actors, but that mystery didn’t involve any BSC member except Jessi. And the ‘jewel thief’ in mystery #1 was a cat. I can’t think of another mystery where any jewels were stolen or waylaid, except this one.

I liked this, too: Mallory researched The Cat Burglar and refers to him as a he. Jessi questions her sexist notion by suggesting that the burglar could also be female.

Unfortunately, that tiny victory is followed by a whole slew of cat jokes. Blechh.

The BSC’s list of suspects: Sgt. Johnson, because the police suspect him and he knows a lot about alarm systems; Ben Birch, Golem’s former partner; Jack Fenton, the security guard who responded to the house alarm; and Cary, because he was there at the time of the break in and knows a lot about guns.

Golem suggests that Sgt. Johnson’s fingerprints ‘may be’ all over the marker Mary Anne found at the crime scene. What? Kristy noted when the other two officers investigating the case, Sgt. Winters and Officer Hopkins, took the evidence from Golem, they probably wouldn’t be able to fingerprint it, because Golem put his hands all over it as he handed it over.

OOH! Time for the BSC to split up and take notes. What does that mean for us? You got it—Claudia’s spelling! Infourmation, heres’, weerd, culdn’t, anywhare, articals, buisness. This is followed by a babysitting notebook entry by Claudia, so…hearby, announse, officialy, nieghbors, wont.

Stacey convinces Cary that she’s really into bird watching, as an excuse to get into his house and learn a little bit more about him. Raise your hand if you think Cary actually fell for her line. He did invite Stacey in and show her his bird watching notebooks, though.

Jessi checked for information on Ben Birch on the internet, and all I could think is, if I had an eleven year old daughter, I wouldn’t want her on the internet without supervision.

More Claudia spelling! Tusday, dont. She also uses there for their.

Here’s a good clue and the BSC doesn’t even make a real connection. Years ago, Sgt. Johnson investigated Golem for smuggling, but the case was closed because there was no cause. The BSC thinks that Johnson may have held a grudge over that and therefore, robbed him. Huh?

The Thomas-Brewer clan has call waiting, yet Claudia’s phone doesn’t even have speaker capabilities. (Remember when Jessi had to have the operator break into Kristy’s conversation with Bart to tell her that Dawn and Claudia had been found alive?!? Those were the days!)

Mary Anne’s upset that the BSC suspects Sgt. Johnson. Claudia tries to soothe her…by making her eat a Butterfinger. Later, Kristy rewards Mal’s sleuthing the same way.

Sgt. Johnson shows up at the Kishi house to talk to Kristy, Claudia and MA, all the girls who’d been caught snooping at Golem’s house. Janine’s the one who answers the door, and she’s so curious that Kristy can feel it radiating off of her. I have been seeking the answer to a real-life mystery here for about a week, so I really feel her pain. I’m way more interested in whether Claudia tells her what’s going on later than I am in the solution to this mystery.

Also, does Sgt. Johnson know it’s BSC meeting time? If so, why did he take the time to learn that?!?

Oh, and then he goes and tells them he’s being suspected of the robbery, but he’s the victim of a frame up. Umm…doesn’t SPD have an internal affairs department that should be investigating stuff like that, not a bunch of thirteen and eleven year olds? And if they don’t believe him, I’d head straight to the sheriff’s office or the state police or something. Those are really serious accusations and not something that he should be throwing around lightly…especially not to the BSC, who can’t legally do anything to help him. (If I remember the rest of the book correctly, he’s actually right, but that’s beside the point…)

The only amusing part of the Charlotte-as-a-spy story (other than when Charlotte caught one of the triplets picking his nose? because you have to remember, I’m secretly a ten year old boy) is when Abby decides the only way to keep an eye on Charlotte and her friends while they’re doing their spy work is to spy on them.

I love this exchange between Kristy and Sam. You guys know how I enjoy it when the siblings in this book like each other but also antagonize one another.

Kristy: Leave me alone, I’m trying to think.

Sam: Aww, don’t do that. You might strain your brain.

Kristy drags Cary to the BSC meeting to tell the club what he saw during the robbery. He completely freaks out about going to the meeting. I really can’t believe that Cary would freak out about it…the BSC, yes, but not Cary. Remember how weirded out they were when Logan first started coming to meetings? But very little seems to ruffle Cary.

Golem is a giant rich-guy stereotype. He comes to the door in a blue velvet smoking jacket with satin lapels, matching slippers, holding a brandy and a cigar. I kept waiting for him to swirl his brandy.

The final two pieces to the puzzle? Cary recognizes a lamp from a Cat Burglar burglary in Golem’s house, and Golem realizes the BSC knows the evidence against Johnson was planted. Just as Golem starts to lock them in, Cary attacks him and earns them just enough time for Abby and Mary Anne to escape. But the real winner in this case is Jessi, who happens to paw through the reservation log and see that Golem was in Chez Maurice on the day of the burglary, when he claimed he was still in France, so the BSC members who weren’t at Golem’s called the police.

So that’s the last BSC mystery. I am I sad about that? A little. But mostly only because there seems to be less Cary Retlin in the books when there aren’t mysteries to solve.

Outfits

Stacey: khakis, white button down, brown boots

Charlotte: jeans, red sweatshirt, red sneakers

Claudia: purple painters pants, red high tops with purple laces, red sweatshirt with purple embroidery, purple glasses frames with no lenses

Next: #124

“Puppies are a lot easier to potty train.” BSC #118: Kristy Thomas, Dog Trainer (1998)

Oh look. Another issue book. I haven’t read this one, but I really hope it’s a lot less depressing than the last title.

Kristy’s family takes in a guide dog trainee puppy. Their main job is to teach the dog to obey simple commands like sit and stay, how to ‘go’ on command, and how to behave in public, so the puppy, Scout, can then go to a formal guide dog school, to learn special skills. Watson got the idea from a coworker of his, whose daughter recently lost her vision after an illness. Deb, who is twelve, is angry and mourning the loss of her sight and freedom, and the BSC decide to ‘fix’ that by trying to make her new friends.

During a sitting job, Deb decides to go to the video store, but her brothers aren’t ready to leave. So while Kristy’s not looking, she leaves on her own. Kristy finds her in the intersection and leads her back to the house.

Interesting Tidbits

The cover. Kristy actually looks super cute here, and the puppy is pretty adorable. (Not as cute as my Scout, but a lot less fat….) And this happens in the book, when Kristy meets a guy with a guide dog.

Ew. Kristy’s making dog puns, and they’re even worse than Abby’s puns. Boo, Kristy!

Then, to make matters worse, Abby points out that, even though they’re babysitters, they’re not supposed to sit on babies. And then makes a horse pun that related right into a very stupid exchange right before that.

Stacey makes a comment about how blind people have to learn to tell coins apart by feeling them, and wonders how they differentiate paper money. Well, first, I have the comment that a lot of people have complained about the 2006 update to money being ‘Monopoly money’ because it was different colors. Well, in other countries, not only is the money different colors but different denominations are also different sizes, specifically for this reason. I’ve seen people with visual impairments who fold different denominations in their wallets in different ways so they know what they have. I’ve also heard that Ray Charles used to insist in being paid in singles so that he knew he wasn’t being ripped off.

Karen asks what happens to the guide dog puppy if it fails its training. I actually knew the answer to that before I read it, because I read a magazine article back in my early teens about a family that raised a guide dog puppy. They updated on the puppy a few months later, stating that the puppy had failed guide dog school, but was now in training to be some type of police dog—either a cadaver dog or a drug sniffing dog or something similar.

Kristy loves Scout’s name because it reminds her of To Kill a Mockingbird. My Scouty is named after that same character.

I love this: after hearing that the Brewer-Thomas family will be getting a guide dog, Mallory and Shannon give Kristy books on dog training. This makes sense, as Mallory’s a book/library nerd, while Shannon’s family probably just had one of those lying around. (Although, couldn’t you picture the Kilbournes hiring someone to train Astrid?)

So Kristy. She brings Scout to a BSC meeting, and it’s not till she gets there that someone else points out that Abby’s allergic to dogs. Shouldn’t she have considered that before? My mother’s allergy to dogs is very serious, and she would have had to leave an enclosed space like Claudia’s room if there was a dog there.

It annoys me how one-dimensional they make most of the characters in these stories. When Jessi finds out that guide dogs can go anywhere, her first response is, even the ballet? Claudia is curious about McDonald’s. I expected them to continue the trend: Mallory to ask about the library, or Stacey to ask about the mall.

Real book: Nate the Great, which Mark is reading for school

Mary Anne is the first to sit for the Coopers. She wants to help Deb, who’s angry and resentful over the loss of her independence. Mary Anne feels very helpless to assist Deb in anyway, but I think she actually did a good job. When Deb knocks over a chair, she rights it and then tells Deb where it is so she can find it and sit in it on her own. And then she lets her vent her frustration.

The Abby groan fest continues: after she inadvertently rhymes a sentence, Mal tells her she sounds like Vanessa. So Abby voluntarily keeps up the very grade-school poetry.

After MA’s experience with Deb, the BSC decides to ‘fix’ her situation by making new friends for her. Kristy’s supposed to be a sort of companion for her for the afternoon—kind of the way Dawn was supposed to be Whitney’s companion once upon a time—and the other sitters decide to bring their charges over to see her so that she could have other people who didn’t know her before to hang out with, people who wouldn’t judge her by the person she used to be. That’s a sweet idea, but again, Deb is twelve. The kids they plan to pair her up with are between the ages of four and eight. Good friends for her little brothers, but for her? The BSC members themselves would be smarter choices. (Oh, Mary Anne brings Ben Hobart along with the other Hobart boys, which is more appropriate. But why is she sitting for him? And he already knows her, since James and Mark are friends, but doesn’t that sort of defeat the purpose here as well?)

Karen suggests that Scout could go on safari with a blind person. While that’s technically true, where the hell did she come up with that idea?

HA HA! Kristy nearly makes Karen cry!

Watson say the title quote when Kristy equates raising a guide dog puppy to raising a child.

I feel for Mark and Jed. One of them makes a comment about how Deb gets to watch as much television as she wants, then self-consciously amends that to say she listens to television. They have to keep the floor clean and not move anything around, and since Deb is so angry, they tiptoe around her, trying not to set her off. While Deb is getting help from a social worker, the two of them just have to deal with the changes to their lives.

When Kristy finds Deb in the middle of the intersection, she winds up telling her off. Deb suggests she’d be better off dead, and Kristy tells her she’s not dead—she’s got family and friends who care. Deb says she doesn’t want her friends feeling sorry for her, which is a noble sentiment. But Kristy points out that she then should stop feeling sorry for herself. Easier said than done, but I think it did need to be said.

Small mistake: the word ‘warning’ appears in the middle of a sentence and in the middle of a line in a book, yet it’s written as warn-ing.

That really wasn’t as bad as I thought. I think it’s because the BSC members don’t ‘fix’ or ‘save’ Deb. She still has a long ways to go, her attitude is still intermittently crappy, and she still lacks the independence of kids her age. Nothing’s really solved, but Deb has started on the right track. Much more realistic than most BSC books.

New characters

Deb, Mark and Jed Cooper (12, 8 and 4)—30, 26 and 22

Outfits

Stacey: black jeans, black cropped sweater, ankle boots

Claudia: hot pink bike shorts, Hawaiian print shirt, hot pink and lime socks, Doc Martens painted swirls of colors. Other than the Docs, this outfit SCREAMS 1990.

Next: Mystery #34

“This raisin is practically mummified.” BSC #112: Kristy and the Sister War (1997)

Compared to the other books in this time frame, I like this story a lot. Why? Another glimpse into the life of the dysfunctional Kilbourne family, paired with a dose of Pike triplets. What’s not to like?

Shannon is busier than normal, and Tiffany and Maria both feel like neither she nor their parents have time for them. Kristy encourages them to try to make Shannon’s life easier so she’ll have more time, but that backfires and Shannon ends up angry at her sisters. So they declare war and pull pranks on her. Kristy manages to broker a peace deal between the sisters.

Meanwhile, all the middle schools in Stoneybrook are pulling together for an ‘all-school’ dance, which leads the kids to decide to have an ‘all-kids’ dance. Only trouble is that the kids want to plan it all themselves, but they’re all paying more attention to whom they want to take as their dates than the planning. In particular, Maria and Tiffany both zone in on Jordan Pike, leading to even more Kilbourne-sister fighting. Once Abby declares the kids dance a date-free zone, the planning goes much more smoothly and everyone has a good time.

Interesting tidbits

The cover: Oh look. Universally bad fashion sense. On the plus side, they finally got Maria’s hair right.

What is with the Brewer-Thomas crew and naming their pets after people? I never stopped to think about it, but DM named their dog after their neighbor and Karen named her rat after her little sister. I don’t know which is a bigger insult, but if the family every gets another pet, it should be a potbellied pig or a donkey, so the insulting naming can be completed.

Charlie’s newest nickname for Kristy: Your Royal Cluelessness. I do love the relationship between Charlie, Sam, and Kristy, how the three of them are always teasing one another, but the love is there behind it all. (I’m remembering in SS#8 when Sam says he’s a man of mystery, and Kristy laughs at the idea of him being a man. I’m so glad I don’t have older brothers….)

Kristy compares Mary Anne to a ‘facial tissue’ by describing her as ultra-sensitive and ultra-gentle. I’d be more concerned if she starting calling her ultra-absorbent, myself.

Maria says the title line while she and Tiffany are trying to bake snickerdoodles. Since when do snickerdoodles have raisins, anyway? The worst part is that the girls make a huge mess baking the snickerdoodles while Kristy is babysitting, and Shannon has to clean it up because she’ll be the only one home that night. Kristy makes a big point of saying how she’s a responsible babysitter a couple paragraphs earlier, so why doesn’t she clean up before she leaves?

Tiffany and Maria’s list of ways to help Shannon is sweet, though mostly misguided. I can’t believe Kristy let them ‘help’ with Shannon’s algebra homework—by changing the Xs to numbers—or thought it would be a good idea to clean Shannon’s bedroom. I don’t think Kristy would want David Michael and Karen cleaning her bedroom, after all. Forget the fact that they used a greasy rag to ‘wash’ her window and smeared upholstery cleaner around instead of Pledge. Have they never heard of privacy?

Claudia spelling! Exitmint (aren’t those the butter mints you get when you leave some restaurants? Never mind. Even Abby wouldn’t approve of that pun.) Havent, committe, enything, thats. She also uses reel for real, but she spells more words correctly than incorrectly.

The kids that get together to be the representative committee of all the elementary schools are an odd bunch. First, let’s consider the fact that there are two public middle schools in Stoneybrook. Yet we have representatives of only one public elementary school. By my calculations, there should be at least two, more likely four. (Two schools to feed into each middle school, which feed into the same high school. But what do I know? I went to a KES that was the only school that fed into a KMS, which was the only school that fed into a KHS. And yes, all the Ks were the same.)

Then there are the random kids who come over. The meeting is held at the Korman house and includes the Kormans and the Kilbournes, who all go to SDS. Then Karen and the Papadakises come over, and they all go to Stoneybrook Academy. That makes sense, since they’re all local. But the kids from SES? The Pike triplets, Becca and Charlotte. I know the triplets had to be there or the story loses a plot line, but they seem like the last kids in town who’d be interested in planning a dance. And are they friendly with these other kids at all? Tiffany calls Jordan out by name the first time he speaks, so she knows the triplets well enough to tell them apart. Becca and Charlotte are similar in age to Maria, Melody, Hannie and Karen. They’ve all done events together before. I could picture Maria being good friends with the two of them, frankly. Maybe the triplets have hung out with Bill and Linny once or twice? I think the whole thing would make more sense if Vanessa and/or Nicky had come with them.

I’d completely forgotten about the subplot in which Claudia and Mark set up Kristy with one of Mark’s friends, mostly because he’s ‘big into sports’ and so is she. Um, that could describe a lot of guys. It’s not a very rare quality or anything.

Not only do Maria and Tiffany decide to war with their sister, they actually draw up a declaration of war and a list of acts of war. Between this and the fact that Tiffany is a ‘natural leader’ at the dance committee meetings, you almost expect her to go into politics.

Their first act of war made me laugh. They used Shannon’s name the way the Smurfs used to use the word Smurf. The only thing about the Smurfs I really remember (other than that god-awful theme song, which is now playing in my head) is that they used to use Smurf and Smurfy all the time: “It’s a Smurfy day,” and “Go Smurf yourself!” Okay, I don’t think they ever said the second one, but you get the idea. The two of them sit at the dinner table, ignoring their sister, saying things like, “Shannon you,” and “You’re Shannon.” That would definitely work to annoying someone.

Actually, I think the best part of this whole sister war is Shannon’s response. She figures out very quickly that her sisters are trying to get a reaction, so, since they’re going about getting her attention all the wrong ways, she ignores them. It’s very similar to when my nephew used to throw temper tantrums and I’d just step right over him and go talk to his sister. Once he realized I wasn’t going to give him an audience, he quit. The only problem for Shannon is that her sisters are just getting more and more mad when she’s not giving them the attention they’re seeking.

Kristy agrees to let Claudia take her shopping before her blind date with Mark’s friend. Claudia, though, doesn’t make any concessions to the fact that it’s Kristy she’s shopping with, so she drags her into a fancy boutique where a plain white t-shirt costs $79. Like me, Kristy’s never seen the point of overpriced clothes. She goes home after her mall expedition and puts on a $5 t-shirt.

Ooh, book foreshadowing. Claudia and Kristy go on their double date. Kristy’s not too impressed with her date, but she’s even less impressed with Claudia’s boyfriend, Mark. He’s late and doesn’t apologize, and he ignores Claudia during their date and mostly talks to his friend, Kristy’s date. She thinks Claudia can do much better. And we all know they break up in the next book.

“History books of the future will probably show that it was the Spaghetti Incident that ended the Sister War.” I love that Kristy’s treating this like it’s a real political incident, where incidents like the Sweater Situation need to be capitalized.

Kristy thinks Tiffany and Maria are too young to be interested in dating. Tiffany’s age is established as eleven in this book, despite the fact that she’s sometimes ten. That’s the same age as Mal and Jessi, both of whom have had sorta-boyfriends. And Maria is the same age as various characters throughout the series that the BSC has followed the ‘romances’ of. I’m thinking specifically of #51, when Laine thought the BSC was ludicrous for being interested in the romantic interests of the Arnold twins, Nicky and James. And I had a boy I ‘dated’ when I was eight; we even kissed each other. Although, in Tiffany and Maria’s case, I think it really is just something for the two of them to bicker over.

My favorite prank, besides the Smurfy one? The girls put ‘sorta-purple’ hair dye in Shannon’s shampoo. End result? She looked like Barney, until she washed her hair with normal shampoo.

Remember how I said Shannon was ignoring her sisters’ bad behavior so as not to give them an audience? Well, she wasn’t doing it on purpose. She doesn’t even realize that her sisters are craving her attention until Kristy points it out.

Continuity: kids mentioned at the final planning meeting for the all-school dance include Shannon’s friends Greer, Lindsey and Polly. Also, some of the kids mentioned as living in Kristy’s neighborhood, who go to Kelsey, are there.

Here’s the problem with this all-school dance. There were adults, such as Mrs. Kilbourne, on the dance committee. But these adults are nowhere to be found when it’s time to put the plans into action. The committees all decided on things like food, music, and decorations. Then they roped in more people to help actually put the food, music and decorations together…and those people think the plans are still open for debate. About the only people who aren’t trying to change things are Kristy, who doesn’t really care, and Stacey, who suggests it would be more prudent just to go with the already-made plans.

Alan also has a nickname for Kristy: Your Kristiness. He calls her this right before she drags him into the middle of the floor during the planning session and forces him to dance with her. It’s an odd moment, and so not Kristy. I could picture Stacey or even Shannon using that method to calm everyone down, but Kristy? Nahhhh…

Maria said her father was reading briefs at the dinner table, and Kristy pictures him reading the label on a pair of underpants.

I’m amused by which kids have little things for each other in this book. Linny and Charlotte are interested in each other, while Bill keeps punching Hannie in the shoulder. (Abby calls that a sure sign of love in a nine year old.) Melody really wants Nicky to dance with her, although Nicky’s not interested in ‘stinky girls.’ Oh, and Tiffany’s convinced she’ll get her man because she’s an older woman.

Haha, lesbian fanfic fiends! Shannon and Kristy go to the dance together, and Shannon’s convinced they’ll have a great time. Hell, the two of them start off the dance by dancing together.

Awww, even Alan found a love match. He met a girl from SDS who enjoys pranks and gross outs as much as he does.

Allegedly happy ending for the Kilbournes, who agree to spend more time together. But I imagine that will be a temporary fix, and before long, everyone will go back to being too busy and pretending the family doesn’t have problems. (“Growing up in a repressed household is so boring next to this stuff. We always have to pretend problems don’t exist. Gets pretty inconvenient when there are odors involved.”) Maybe I’m jaded? Or perhaps I’m just realistic.

Outfits

Shannon: purple lycra…everything. (Bad Shannon!)

Maria and Tiffany: SDS uniforms (gray and green plaid kilts, white shirts, gray sweater vests)

Maria: jeans and a sweatshirt

Tiffany: overalls, red turtleneck

Claudia: jumper made of overalls, covered in embroidered designs; pink corduroy mini-skirt, lime green sweater and scrunchie (“Careful. Don’t hurt yourself with that scrunchie.”); tux

Kristy: green turtleneck, blue jeans; flowered skirt, fleecy vest, cream blouse

Cokie: Dalmatian go-go boots, leopard mini-skirt, zebra top

Next: #113

“This is a stupid way to die.” BSC Mystery #30: Kristy and the Mystery Train (1997)

This is the second Kristy mystery centered around a Derek Masters plotline. Were there any justice in the BSC-universe, those both should have been Jessi plots.

Derek’s back in town, and he’s taking a train trip as publicity for his new mystery movie. Kristy, Abby and Stacey go along for the ride, along with Nicky, David Michael, Linny, James and Buddy. Weird things go on during the ride, odd notes show up everywhere, and then Stacey and Kristy see a man pushed overboard (over rail?) Turns out that the screenwriter stole the script from a student of his, who wanted credit. He’d faked his own death and then tried to kidnap the screenwriter’s son before the BSC and a couple of adults subdue him.

The pool at the country club from mystery #23 opens for the summer, and Stephen Stanton-Cha is acting oddly. Eventually, the sitters find out he doesn’t know how to swim. Jessi helps him feel more comfortable in the water and he has a good time after that.

Interesting Tidbits

The cover is completely hideous. I think the mystery of the train is how horrible Kristy and Abby look here…

Kristy introduces Karen as her stepfather’s daughter, which is kind of an odd way of putting it. I mean, it’s technically true, but sort of roundabout. It’s almost as if I identified my mother as my father’s ex-wife.

The Masterses drive a Mercedes station wagon.

Stacey points out that Mal would like to see Louisa May Alcott’s house, but given that that is Mary Anne’s favorite book, wouldn’t see be just as interested?

Elizabeth and Watson are way too nice. After the Masterses agree to take a total of nine kids* on the train trip, the Brewers take the five Stoneybrook kids and the three sitters up to Boston for the night. The kids are all ramped up, so they have to get them a seafood dinner**, three hotel rooms, and all the expenses related to a day-long walking tour of the building.

*Derek, Todd, DM, Buddy, James, Linny, Nicky, Derek’s friend Greg and Todd’s friend Daniel

**I thought Abby was allergic to seafood? I’m going to need to review her allergies here sometime soon.

I can’t explain why, but every time I try to write Buddy Barrett’s name, I type Butty. And then, because I’m so juvenile, I giggle a little bit.

“I woke up early the next morning to…Abby breath.” This also made me giggle.

Oh, here Stacey goes again. She calls Boston a ‘little’ town because it’s smaller than NYC. If Logan’s superpower is superdickery, Stacey’s is supersnobbery.

People we meet on the train (aka suspects): Rock Harding (love that Hollywood name), the director; Ronald Pierce, screenwriter (and Daniel’s father); Anne Arbour, publicist (named after a city, hee hee); Jane Atlantic, reporter (Kristy keeps pointing out how much she looks like Stacey, so you know that’s going to be important); Benjamin Athens (People’s sexiest man on the planet) and Elle San Carlos, leads in the movie; Charlie, Elle’s husband/ex-husband

I loooove the idea that Benjamin and Elle are having an affair for publicity, yet we’re given the impression that Elle and her hubby aren’t quite divorced yet. It’s all insinuation so far, but it’s a lot more adult than you see in most of these books.

Nicky actually asks if everyone who lives in California is a vegetarian, and Greg (who is Californian and vegetarian, hence the question) says no. But the BSC books tend to give the opposite conclusion.

I like this: Kristy decides to keep an eye on Nicky and Greg, because they’re Derek’s two best friends, meeting for the first time. She equates it to when she got to know Dawn. I also related it to SS#8, when Linny and Nicky—DM’s two best friends—fought all the time. Obviously, they got over it, as they’re both on this trip and getting along.

You have to wonder who’s in charge of this train trip and whether they should be fired. I mean, a bunch of tomfoolery occurs and slips of paper saying ‘The truth will come out’ are everywhere, yet no one seems to be doing too much to stop it. Derek suggests that a rubber severed hand served as a lunch entrée was a publicity stunt. Kristy disagrees because Anne, the publicist, seems horrified by it all. Cynical adult me wonders whether Anne’s worried for the movies stars or whether she’s worried about losing her job…

The BSC members who aren’t on the mystery train show up for the first day of the country club to help man it. Mary Anne shows up looking like she stole her dad’s old clothes, which kind of makes me laugh. And Jessi’s wearing ‘reef runners.’ I had to Google that to see what they were.

Oh, and Claudia is teasing Mallory about her hat and cover-up and high powered SPF sunscreen. Mal does seem like the kind of person who would burn very easily in the sun—reddish hair, fair skin—but we all know it’s usually Mary Anne who has to cover up like that. (Mal says she’s worried about getting more freckles, though.)

Leave it to Karen to make sure everyone is following the pool rules. I have to admit, I was that kind of kid too, but I was never outspoken enough to boss my friends around.

The title quote is Kristy’s thoughts when their train car fills with smoke and they can’t get the door open. (It’s just a smoke bomb, but everyone’s majorly tense afterward…until Linny’s grateful it wasn’t a stink bomb and all the boys start laughing.)

I think the only reason Stacey is in on this mystery is because she’s up on Hollywood gossip in a way most of the BSC wouldn’t be.

Grr. Daniel, Todd’s little friend, is described as being stocky in passing when he first appears in the story. The first time Daniel actually gets to talk, he’s mad at his father because Mr. Pierce said Daniel couldn’t have any more ice cream. It’s more subtle than the BSC always mentioning how fat Norman is, but I still don’t like it. Later, when Daniel is upset after he witnesses someone allegedly going over the side of the train, his dad buys him by…getting him more ice cream.

“Next time you decide to witness a murder, could you wait until I’m around?” –Guess who

This is kind of weird. As I mentioned earlier, Mal, Jessi, Claudia and Mary Anne are supervising the kids at the opening of the country club pool. One of the kids hanging around the pool, waiting for it to reopen after lunch, is Ben Hobart. He keeps making jokes about barfing and teasing the kids. I’m wondering if the ghostwriter got the Hobart boys confused. James, the same age as many of the kids who were at the pool—Karen and friends, Charlotte, Becca, Jackie, Luke, etc—was with Derek on the train. Maybe they’ve confused Mathew, who would also fit into this age range, with Ben? Otherwise, there’s a good reason that Mal and Ben never got their pseudo-relationship off the ground.

Okay, I have a favorite scene in this book, for a very odd reason. Mal is putting on more sunscreen—SPF 60 this time, and waterproof. Karen becomes concerned that if the sunscreen is really waterproof, it will never come off and Mallory would be stuck with sunscreen on her forever! Normally, this would turn into Karen going off on a tangent and being obnoxious. When she starts, Mal shuts her down by pointing off that it will wash off with soap, so Karen’s story is moot. She then won’t let her keep talking about it. I now love Mallory.

Abby tells Kristy there’s an ocean of mystery about Jane Atlantic, and even Kristy thinks it’s her worst pun yet. Oh, and Abby thinks that Anne Arbour’s name is a horrible pun as well.

Why in the hell would the babysitters tell the kids—mostly eight year olds—about the alleged murder they witnessed? That’s horribly irresponsible.

You know someone’s got a lot of clothing on the train when even Stacey says that it’s too much clothing.

Why does everyone on this train leave their compartment unlocked? The babysitters take the seven older boys to do some illegal searches, and every sleeper compartment they go into is open, and no one is inside them.

Claudia spelling. Praty (party…she spells it right 4 out of 5 times), anemals.

At the pool party, there is a silly bathing cap contest, and earlier, Mallory notes that Jenny is wearing one. The only time I ever wore a swim cap when I was growing up was when I went to Girl Scout camp and had to wear one. I would have never worn one when swimming for fun.

Kristy thinks she’d like to be a movie director someday…because it would give her a lot of people to boss around.

I only have five more mysteries left to read: two Mary Annes, a Stacey, an Abby and a Kristy. As flat-out awful as some of these books have been, I’m sort of sad about that. (If I keep up this pace, I’ll be done with this blog by the end of the year. Expect a lot more awwwwww! Ultra-mega-sad-face moments out of me…)

Outfits

Stacey: ‘butter-colored’ linen shirt, chino shorts, cork-sole sandals

Claudia: red shorts, purple crop top, red and white muscle shirt, purple socks, red high tops, apple earrings; tie-dyed t-shirt knotted at the waist, flower sandals and barrette

Jessi: pink leotard, jeans; blue bike shorts and sports bra, red t-shirt, reef runners

Mallory: long sleeved shirt, shorts, sneakers, hat

Mary Anne: green Izod shirt, baseball cap with ‘Ted’s Tools’ on it

Next: #110