"What does drool have to do with anything?" BSC FF #5: Kristy Power! (1999)

Don't forget the exclamation point. It's exciting!
A substitute English teacher assigns a biography of a classmate to Kristy and company. Kristy is paired with Cary Retlin, who isn't exactly making life easy for her, by giving vague answers and refusing to discuss certain topics. Kristy decides to check out Cary's room and winds up reading his diary, which contains information on a secret that Kristy had been wondering about. Kristy later blurts the information out loud, causing Cary to get horribly upset. Later she finds out it was actually a story he was writing--first person from a character--and he's upset that she was snooping in his private things, not that she knows the 'truth' about him.
Meanwhile, some parents are up in arms over a reading list the same teacher gave the students. The same woman who was protesting at the library in mystery #13 has a daughter in Kristy's class and complains that some of the books are inappropriate.
Interesting Tidbits
Kristy starts the story by explaining that she and Cary are archenemies. The examples that she uses, though...the first two are superheroes (Batman, Superman) which, if any BSC member was going to be into comics and superheroes, it should be Kristy. Then she mentions Men in Black, which just seems wrong. Any reference to movies that came out when I was in high school should not ever make its way into the BSC.
"I used to picture millionaires in top hats and tails. Now I know they wear sweatsuits." I just can't picture Watson in a sweatsuit, and I can't explain why. I still don't have a clear picture of him (and neither did the ghostwriters and illustrators...that's why he's skinny in some books and fat in others), but whenever I think of him, I see him in a button down shirt. Even if I think of him in a sweatshirt, he's that guy who has the collar of his button down shirt peeking out from under the sweatshirt.
Real books: The Catcher in the Rye and A Separate Peace. The latter one disturbed the hell out of me the first time I read it.
Other pairs for biography writing: Alan and Cokie (heh), Claudia and Jeremy (of course), and Rachel and Logan. The teacher claims he pulled names out of a hat, but does anyone actually believe that?
Cary asks for a truce and mentions the events of #123. Kristy gets pissy when he says she annoys him. She's like, how could I possibly annoy him? And I laugh and laugh and laugh. (For the record, I totally get why some people ship these two.)
More real books: The Outsiders and The Red Pony. The assignment is to choose a book that speaks to you and explain how it moved you. I never really liked Catcher, and as I said, Peace disturbed me. I've never read Pony, but I borrowed The Outsiders from the library so many times that I came home from school one day and there was a copy of it on my bed. I still have that copy, twenty two years later, and it's very well read.
Cary Retlin must know my husband. Compare these questions:
Me: What are you up to today?
Hubby: Five-seven.
Kristy: Where were you born?
Cary: In a hospital.
Is this a guy thing, or a smartass thing? Or is that the same thing? (In the next chapter, Kristy and Cary discuss 'normal' topics like politics and basketball, and Kristy says it feels weird...because nothing is ever normal with Cary.)
Interviewing little siblings seems like a good idea, until you think about the kinds of things they would say. Cary's youngest brother Stieg just wants to reveal every 'crime' Cary has ever committed.
Cary is a big fan of surrealist art and M.C. Escher.
Cary's big secret? His journal entry makes it sound like he was expelled from his last school for hacking the school computer. This being Cary, though, you can never be sure.
Kristy's actually waxing nostalgic about the bulletin boards, lockers and cafeteria in SMS, wondering how she'd feel if she never saw it again. My first thought was...well, you'd move on to a new school, with new bulletin boards, lockers and--if you're lucky--maybe even a cafeteria. But I sort of like the idea that Kristy would cling to stuff like that, even if she says her friends would think she was crazy if she said it out loud.
When Kristy's class was all griping over the fact that 'Ted', the sub, was being investigated for the book list he provided the students, I had one thought: Aren't teachers supposed to have their book choices approved? Or choose from an already-approved list? And then Mr. Taylor (the principal, remember?) says that half of the problem was that Ted didn't have the book list approved. (To be fair, every book I've heard mentioned so far is one that is often read in school, but they're also all on the challenged books list.)
More challenged books (not from Ted's list this time): To Kill a Mockingbird, A Light in the Attic, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, and In the Night Kitchen.
"Sometimes you have to be loud to defend what you believe in." --Elizabeth Brewer. So that's where Kristy gets it from!
The title quote is Kristy's reaction to Cary's first questions to Sam. He then promptly kicks her out of the interview.
Cary learns all about 'the spaghetti incident', which is so bad that Kristy responds more strongly to that than to Cary knowing she once peed on Santa's lap. I know you're supposed to wonder...and wonder...and wonder what this spaghetti incident is, but I can't think of anything spaghetti-related that could be worse than peeing on Santa.
Uh-oh. Kristy says she now finds Cary sort of interesting. Next thing you know, she might actually like him!
The poor sub who takes over for Ted has her hands full. The class is all up in arms--even Merrie, whose mother started all of this. They refuse to do the sub's assignment, and instead, they just want to talk the situation over. But she winds up being pretty cool, and letting them map out a plan of what they're going to do and how they're going to do it.
I remember having a manager once who was talking about his son's fourth grade reading assignment. He'd been assigned to read Shiloh, a book I read at that age and LOVED. As soon as dad found out there were curse words in the book, he complained to the teacher. Teacher gladly found son another book to read, but dad tried to convince teacher to take the book off the shelves entirely, and was telling me the story because he was OUTRAGED that she wouldn't do that. I remember saying, "Look, my parents didn't let me swear when I was ten either. And me reading that book didn't change anything. But I knew that shit was a bad word, and the fact that the dog owner named one of his dogs that solidified for me that he was a bad man who didn't treat his animals right." (We won't discuss that Scout is often called Scouty Shithead these days. It's a term of endearment.) He honestly didn't see the harm in dictating what other people's kids were allowed to read, simply because it offended him.
To update on the other dangling plots, Claudia and Stacey have an argument over Jeremy, while Mary Anne is upset over whether or not Kristy will invite Logan to her Christmas party. (She tries to be adult about it, and says that Logan can come...but do you don't think he'll bring a date, do you?)
Haha! During Ted's speech at his hearing, various protestors keep shouting. My favorite is when a woman yells "Save our children!" while he's explaining that he was just trying to give the students a choice. The parents are acting way more immature than the children. Mr. Taylor has to keep glaring at the protestors and threatening them.
Another book: Homecoming. I'm trying to remember that one. Is it a Gary Paulson (sp?) I'll have to look it up. It's the one Kristy winds up reading. (It's actually Cynthia Voigt. I never read that one, although I did read Dicey's Song, with the same characters.)
Cary Retlin: Portrait of a Psychopath--what Kristy calls her biography when she realizes that Cary led her to believe she was reading his journal. She's mad at him, even though she knows she shouldn't have been snooping in the first place, so mad that she actually calls him a booger-head. (She writes several pages on how horrible Cary is, then crumples it up and starts over. With a less silly title.)
Nannie asks Kristy if Cary is her love interest...while waggling her eyebrows. I suddenly love Nannie.
Kristy's having a Christmas party, which she's planning like it's the most important event in history. Claudia: Is Prince William coming? (No, but Mal and Dawn are home for Christmas.)
Ooh, foreshadowing a potential Stacey-Jeremy breakup. (I haven't read the next two books. I just know Stacey is single after that.)
Kristy's one question for Cary that she never gets answered? Why his family left Illinois. (My guess? His dad got a new job.) Cary says that he was accused of witchcraft, so his family left in the middle of the night. And that's how Kristy knows things are right between her and Cary once again.
Outfits
Kristy: dark green corduroys, red turtleneck
Stacey: red woolen miniskirt and mini jacket
Claudia: red and white striped stockings, white dress with red polka dots, tree earrings
Mary Anne: navy velvet dress
Dawn: white denim miniskirt, green silk blouse
Ted: red corduroy pants, red flannel shirt, red polar fleece Santa-esque hat
Next: #6

“A little softball flavoring never hurt anyone.” BSC #101: Claudia Kishi, Middle School Dropout (1996)

OMG. I haven’t even opened this book yet and it’s already made me…itchy.

School is barely back in session, and Claudia has just started eighth grade (…again). Her schoolwork slacker-ism is worse than normal, and everyone involved is concerned that Claudia didn’t get a solid foundation the year before and that her grades are just going to be worse as the year goes on. So they…put her back in seventh grade.

Yup.

This is so preposterous for a couple of reasons. This would never happen in real life. A lot of decision making goes in to deciding to retain a child in a grade or skip them ahead. It’s not just a matter of grades or ability but of social standing. Kids know when one of their classmates repeats a grade, and they are merciless. Now, imagine if they put a kid back a year in the middle of the school year. Claudia manages to make some good friends, but many kids would never survive.

And then of course there is the aspect of the ongoing Time Warp Stoneybrook exists in. I might—might­—buy this plot line if Claudia hadn’t been through eighth grade approximately 7x10²⁵ times. (I’m only exaggerating slightly.)

Interesting Tidbits

The cover: Just two little things. What in the blazes is Claudia eating here? And what’s with that boy right behind Claudia, just to the right? He looks like he’s about to vomit.

Ha! Claudia gets a phone call that starts, “So, what are you wearing?” Unfortunately, it’s not a dirty caller. It’s just Stacey.

Claudia acknowledges the events of #100, saying that everyone is still formally-polite with one another, not quite comfortable. (For those of you who are wondering, as someone does every now and then, what happened to #100 and the other books I’m ‘skipping’…it’s because I’ve already blogged them.)

Claudia says her IQ is just fine. In fact, I’d bet her IQ is actually pretty high. Claudia says she’s been tested for learning disabilities and doesn’t have any. I know a lot of people disagree with that assessment—sometimes, I wonder about it myself—but I stick by my theory that Claudia was dealing with old-school teachers who didn’t present the information in a way that she could relate. If there were more projects in her history class, she might enjoy it more. (Claudia even says she likes science, because there are so many experiments.)

Even Rosa, Claudia’s tutor, points out how smart she is. She’s smart enough that she can skate by in subjects, learn enough just to pass a test, but never really confine any of the information to her brain. I like that Rosa—who takes college classes with Janine—gets Claudia in a way that Janine and Stacey, who are always offering to help her, don’t.

Claudia wears a clip on nose ring, and only Mallory thinks it’s cool. Does anyone else picture Mal someday with thick eyeliner, dark red lipstick, Buddy Holly glasses and a couple piercings herself?

You know that one of the guys in Claudia’s art class—which is by invitation only—because he wears a goatee and beret. I rolled my eyes so hard when I read that that they still hurt.

Abby likes sitting for the Pikes, because there’s so much chaos and movement there. I buy that. (Mal leaves to take another sitting job while Abby and Jordan are in charge at the Pike household, which I still find weird even though I just read the book where the triplets were promoted to ‘official helpers.’ Oh, and Jordan’s idea of ‘helping’ is to tell Nicky his Halloween costume idea was dumb. He eventually agrees to help him make it better, though.)

The B plot in this oh-so-lovely-not-at-all-a-waste-of-my-time book is that Jackie is still in the hospital and he’s bored out of his skull. (Get it? He had a head injury. I figure that pun is about as good as any Abby ever makes, so get over it.) So Kristy came up with the idea to write letters and cards to all the kids in the pediatric ward. This leads to a whole Halloween party in the hospital and what a hospital I used to be affiliated with called ‘Reverse Trick or Treating,’ which is actually Carolyn Arnold’s idea.

I never stopped to think about this when I was a kid, but now that I’m older—and reading these books back to back to back, I really wonder how they decided which kids should be involved in each project. Adam is the one who made the phone calls inviting people over and he called…James Hobart, Shea Rodowsky, and the Arnold twins. I’ll buy the first two, as there are virtually no other ten year old boys in this series that currently live in this town. (The only one I can think of is Sean Addison.)  And while Marilyn is Margo’s friend and Carolyn, Vanessa’s, they’re also girls and probably, in Adam’s point of view, have cooties. It all goes back to my theory that sometimes, the writers would just throw darts at a wall with all the character names on it, and have those kids be involved in the B-plot project.

The BSC throws a welcome-home party for Jackie, and, among other minor disasters, David Michael drops a softball in the punch. The title quote is Mary Anne’s response.

Apparently, Claudia is soooooo cool that all the seventh graders want to be like her. Everyone wants to sit with her; many think her clothes are really cool and copy her; and the boys are all in awe. (She eventually calls the girls who copy her clothes ‘Claudia wannabes.’ If that were a band, I’d so buy their music.) That’s not even close to the experience I had in school with kids who were held back. They were almost universally pariahs, but I suspect that they were marginalized long before they were ever held back.

Claudia is actually happy to be back in seventh grade—because she’s doing so much better, academically—until she learns about the dance. She’d been planning what she would wear and who she would hang out with…and then she learns that the evening dance is just for eighth graders. I can understand this, but it goes back to my second point in the beginning of this entry: this is at least the tenth time Kristy and company have gone through eighth grade, and never once has there been a dance that the younger grades, including Mal and Jessi, haven’t been able to attend.

Heh heh. Claudia’s mom is that mom—the one who hands out raisins or dried apricots to the trick or treaters. Most people know that fact and don’t even come to the Kishis door any more. It’s like Mrs. Kishi knows that if she buys candy, Janine and Claudia will eat half of it before she gives it out.

Costume time! Mary Anne is Little Red Riding Hood, while Kristy is the Big Bad Wolf. Abby is going to be a soccer player and Jessi, a ballet dancer; way to put so much effort into it, girls. Stacey is going to be a flapper, while Mallory wants to be Emily Dickinson. I love the latter idea, but who would recognize her? It’s like the time I dressed up as Laura Bow—which involved looking a little flapper-y—and no one knew who I was at all. “I wanna marry an archeologist…and keep his artifacts warm!”*

HA! Claudia is depressed about not getting to go to the dance, so she doesn’t feel like doing her homework. She imagines that means she’ll get sent back to sixth grade and then some: “Claudia Kishi, Teenaged Kindergartner.”

More costumes: Alan Gray, the guy from The Mask. (There’s a dated reference.) Cokie, Barbie. Ron, the guy who has a crush on Claudia, is dressed as a knight. Claudia also sees kids dressed as Bart Simpson, Spock and a werewolf. Some of the teachers even get into the spirit of getting dressed up. Claudia sees Dracula, the bride of Frankenstein, Einstein and a gypsy.

Kiddy costumes: The triplets are all pirates, while Vanessa is a hippie and Nicky, a mummy. Margo and Claire are Pocahontas and/or Sacajawea. (They were arguing because they, like many other girls in 96, both wanted to be Pocahontas. Abby suggested Sacajawea instead and then they argued over that.) Charlotte and Becca are a doctor and ballerina, Jamie, a robot, and Jenny, a kitten. Laurel Kuhn was a fifties bobby socks and poodle skirt girl, while Patsy is a fairy princess.

Oh, pizza toast. The best way to celebrate? I guess….

So Claudia’s artwork wins first prize, and she learns her art teacher was held back not once but twice and survived. Suddenly she realizes how good her friends are and that this being-sent-back-illogically-to-seventh-grade thing isn’t as bad as she thought.

*No, I’m not marrying an archeologist. But…I did get engaged this Christmas! So I have that going for me…Maybe I should celebrate with a pizza toast?!

Yes, I am wearing a Hufflepuff shirt!

Outfits

Claudia: tie-dye leggings, black overall shorts, red high tops; black sweatshirt with the collar cut off, black jeans, purple high tops with orange laces; black wool jumper over red turtleneck; moss green Gap jeans, rust cardigan, platform Mary Janes, Pebbles Flintstone ponytail with moss green scrunchie; punk Halloween costume that she never wears: leather jacket, fishnet tights, spandex miniskirt, colored streak in her hair; black jumper with red embroidery, white turtleneck, earrings with red glass beads

Rosa: overalls, Doc Martens, black newsboy cap; overalls, shirt and straw for a scarecrow costume

Stacey: khaki skirt, white blouse

Next: We get to polish off the super mysteries! Hooray!

“Is this was a stakeout—or a pigout?” BSC Mystery #18: Stacey and the Mystery at the Empty House (1994)

Sorry that updates have been so sparse. Now that I’ve survived nasal surgery, I’m hopefully going to be back to doing one book a week, but updates may come every couple of weeks—or even once a month—like this.

We’re finishing up 1994 with this little gem, which I have not read before. Let’s see if I can solve the mystery before Stacey does.

Stacey’s housesitting for the Johanssens, and ‘mysterious’ things keep happening: small details like a warm coffeemaker that no one should have been using, a glass that was moved, a hairbrush with red hair in it. She worries that someone’s been in the house besides the dog. And someone has. He’s a friend of the Johanssens that pops in unannounced. He left Stacey a note but Carrot the dog ate it.

Meanwhile, Kristy throws yet another BSC party, because it can’t be a holiday without an illogical party. Watson was given a hay or sleigh ride as a gift, and the BSC decides to take a whole mess of little childers with them. Unfortunately, the Arnold twins only hear ‘sleigh ride’ and tell everyone that’s what will be happening. Luckily for the BSC, it snows at the last second, causing their butts to be saved.

Interesting Tidbits

The cover: Why do they always describe Stacey as having a perm, yet she rarely has one on the cover?

Ooh, I love when we learn things about the BSC parents. Stacey’s surprised to learn that her mother spent her junior year of college in Paris and almost married a boy named Jean-Paul.

Claudia Kishi, the Junk Food Queen of Stoneybrook

Haha! Charlotte speaks French as well as Tessie does. (Sorry, Tess, but it’s true.) Mercy buckets!

This book actually takes place before SS #12, because Dawn’s not back from Cali yet. I wasn’t sure when I planned book order out, and anyway, I didn’t want to read two Staceys back to back.

This isn’t surprising, but I don’t think it’s been mentioned before: Claudia is constantly redecorating her Kid-Kit.

Robert keeps calling Carrot other vegetable names: Zucchini, Rutabaga, Eggplant, Celery. Not only is it cute, it’s understandable. I mean, why did the Johanssens name their dog Carrot anyway? (I shouldn’t talk, though, given that two of the three cats I’ve named are character namesakes: Scout and Dobby)

Stacey thinks she’s silly for talking to Carrot. Obviously, she’s never had a pet.

Chapter three includes a detailed description of the Johanssen house. If I were a different sort of person, I’d definitely have to include a blueprint here for your perusal.

While Stacey’s mom reads the paper (about the dangerous escaped convict), Stacey checks her horoscope. Good to know she’s got her priorities in order!

Every time they describe Carolyn Arnold’s hair as being “short in the front with longer curls in the back,” all I can think is, ‘it’s a ****ing mullet!’

The Arnolds are that family everyone knows that over-decorate their house. There used to be a house in St. Charles, Illinois where there were so many lights that literally every brick was outlined. That’s how I’m picturing the Arnolds’ house. Also, Mrs. Arnold makes at least two batches of cookies a day. I love sweets, but that’s a lot of damn cookies. Maybe she should get a job if she’s got that much time on her hands.

So the mystery doesn’t start in earnest until chapter 6, when Stacey finds a drinking glass in the Johanssen’s sink that wasn’t there before. Then she finds the coffeemaker warm, trash in a previously empty trash can and Carrot’s leash is moved. She starts getting paranoid, understandably so, but she jumps straight to the assumption that the escaped convict must be living in the Johanssen’s house!

Ha! The meter reader who scares the shit out of Stacey tells her to never get involved romantically with a coworker. Stacey assures her she won’t, but I kept thinking about all the fanfic I’ve read where Stacey’s dated just about every member of the BSC.

The rest of the BSC doesn’t learn about the mystery until chapter 8, when Stacey counts up that nine weird things had happened. This is opposed to some of the other members who hear something slightly weird and automatically go straight to the rest of the club screaming that there’s a mystery! (Mostly this is just Mallory, which is funny because Mallory doesn’t even get to narrate any of the mysteries except that stupid cat one.) Does this say something about Stacey, or Mallory?

It’s definitely Stacey. She doesn’t even tell Robert what’s going on. Trust issues much?

Claudia praises Shannon for winning a debate, and then politely asks her what it was about. Any fool could tell you that Claudia wasn’t going to understand what Shannon was talking about, so I don’t know why a) Claud asked or b) Shannon even bothered answering.

Heh. Since Dawn’s gone, someone has to suggest that a ghost is at work! (Plus, it gives Jessi a purpose.)

Oh, look, a whole page long description of a book I just read a few weeks ago. I better read that closely, in case I forgot what just happened. /sarcasm

This is followed by a three page discussion of Chanukah, which is already over. (Mary Anne is sitting for the Kuhn family, so that’s good consistency.)

Hah! Stacey is still wearing a Swatch. It’s not 1987 anymore!

A new clue (a bright red hair in a hairbrush at the Johanssens’) sends Stacey calling Claudia in a panic. When Stacey shouts ‘hair’ into the phone, Claud assumes she’s having a ‘hair emergency.’ Leave it to the two of them.

Ooh, time for an emergency BSC meeting!

I love the on-going BSC logic that they shouldn’t call the police, even though they believe that someone has broken into/trespassed in the Johanssen house. I get it, to some extent, given that they got the brush-off from cops in the past, but they don’t even call the police when they have actual evidence of a crime in some of these books.

When Nicky says he hates all girls, Jessi tries to lighten the situation by asking him if he likes her. He says she’s the only girl he likes—not even his own sisters (or Marilyn Arnold, the reason the topic comes up in the first place.) That sounds about right for an eight year old boy.

The title quote comes from the stakeout-sleepover at Jessi’s, which is designed to allow the BSC to keep an eye on the Johanssens’ house. Jessi discovers that the Johanssens have the same answering machine her family does; it also has a really stupid feature that will help their surveillance. Basically, it’s like an extremely primitive nanny cam: by calling the house and putting in a special code, they can hear what’s going on in the same room. Mary Anne asks if that’s legal, but Stacey figures that being paid to watch the house means it’s fine to eavesdrop on it in any way, shape or form.

Sharon made hot chocolate. Is it made with carob and coconut milk?

During the post-sleigh ride party, Logan and Mary Anne ‘slipped off quietly.’ My brain went straight to a quiet make out session outside of the barn, but they really went to dress up as Santa and Mrs. Claus.

So the kids decide they luuuuuuuuuuv the BSC so much they have to give them gifts. Kristy gets a personalized ball cap; Stacey, papier-mâché earrings; Claudia, junk food (lol); Shannon, bead necklace; Jessi, hair ties; Mal, sketch book. The lamest gifts were Vanessa ‘portrait’ of Tigger for Mary Anne (canNOT be good) and Logan’s…rock with his name on it.

Sappy ending. Blah!

Outfits

Stacey: silk teddy (ooh!), thermal shirt and leggings, turtleneck, heavy multicolored sweater…but apparently, no pants besides her thermal leggings. And why does Stacey even own a teddy?

Next: #82 Jessi and the Troublemaker

“She has these things called lava lamps, which look like pig embryos swimming around in colored water tanks.” BSC Super Special #12: Here Come the Bridesmaids (1994)

Okay. Can I go on record right away and state that I think this is the stupidest of the super specials? Dumber than when the Ramseys left Jessi in charge for the weekend (hello, social services!) and even dumber than Watson wanting to bring 700 kids on every single one of his vacations. Let me rephrase that: The meta-plot itself is not dumb, but the plot that comes about because several of the babysitters don’t have basic common sense is just mind-numbingly stupid. Part of it is just plain stupidness and part of it is that this is the ultimate “Dawn is self-centered and annoying” book. Let’s have a look at her logic for a second, shall we?

1.    My dad is getting married.

2.    I have a step-sister I call my sister.

3.    Therefore, Mary Anne is a bridesmaid.

Now, I never read this one in 1994, but I think I would have had to call bullshit on that even then. Let’s change the point of view on this logic for a second, shall we?

1.    I’m getting married.

2.    My future step-daughter has a step-sister down the other side of her family that she calls her sister.

3.    Therefore, my future husband’s ex-wife’s stepdaughter is a bridesmaid.

Ludicrous.

In case you couldn’t tell, Dawn’s father is getting married. And, coincidentally (and stupidly) Mrs. Barrett is also getting married on the same day on the other side of the country. There are several things going on here, although not everyone really has their own plot. Here’s the highlights.

·      Dawn tells Mary Anne she’s a bridesmaid, even going so far as to buy her a matching bridesmaids dress. When Carol and her dad tell Dawn she’s the only bridesmaid, Mary Anne ends up feeling hurt and angry (sorta understandably). But for some crazy reason, she wears the stupid bridesmaids dress to the wedding anyway.

·      Claudia is an unpaid wedding planner for the Shafer-Olson nuptial. She has no idea what she’s doing but everything turns out okay anyway. And for some unexplained reason, Kristy also goes to the wedding.

·      Due to some really ridiculous circumstances, Stacey winds up a bridesmaid in the Barrett-DeWitt wedding. It’s even more boring than it sounds.

·       No one else really has any story, but we still get chapters from the point of view from Jessi (who plays a mall Santa), Mallory and Shannon (who babysit the Barrett-DeWitt rejects* during the wedding, and, in Mallory’s case, get into stupid fights that no one cares about), Jeff (who’s being a typical ten-year-old), Logan and Suzi (Logan helps everyone move in and solves a book-long problem. *turn on sarcasm font* Way to go, Logan!)

Interesting Tidbits

The cover: hideous bridesmaid/faux-bridesmaid dresses. Why does Mary Anne have a bouquet, though?

OMG…the picture of Dawn and Sunny dress shopping is awesome…if only because a) take out the scrunchy and b) turn the boots into shorter Docs and you have ME, circa 1994! I lived in those babydoll dresses and fake boots! I tried to upload it to from my phone but no go. I'll try again later.

Jill says that Dawn can totally wear her bridesmaids dress again. This is always patently false.

In the notebook entry for chapter two, Stacey gives us this classic line: “What is figgy pudding anyway? It sounds revolting.”

She then follows this by singing Christmas carols with redone lyrics to match what she’s doing at that moment. Still not as good as the “Not Always Working” post with my favorite song parody of all time: “Do you want to hide some bodies? It doesn’t have to be just one!” (sung to the tune of Do you want to build a snowman)

I feel like the ghostwriters shoved Stacey into a whole bunch of scenes with the Barrett-DeWitts over the last so many books just as an excuse to have Stacey be the last-minute bridesmaid stand-in. Honestly, I don’t get why a replacement bridesmaid is even really necessary. You don’t have to have the same number of attendants on each side. My sister had seven bridesmaids and nine groomsmen, and it was fine. No one died.

Stacey’s sitting job? Supervising the Barrett-DeWitt kids at the house, outside in the snow, while the house was being worked on. Wouldn’t it have made much more sense for the parents to hire two sitters and have the kids stay somewhere else? (Although it does lead to this humorous moment: The adults are discussing the paint color in the kitchen. Mrs. Barrett suggests it’s too dark, and Lindsey suggests it’ll cover food stains better that way.)

I actually like this: Mallory is mis-singing song lyrics. I mean, the triplets had to learn that skill somewhere (or maybe she got it from them.) But she’s purposely singing the lyrics wrong to songs just to make her friends laugh. It’s Shannon’s fault: she makes her friends sing (which Jessi calls “a little like getting rhinos to try to tap dance.”) When Mal insists she can’t sing, Shannon makes it her mission to force Mal to sing. She ends up agreeing that Mal, indeed, cannot sing.

I should have known this was a Peter Lerangis book. They’ve got the best lines. Claudia, regarding Bellair’s “lost Santa Claus”: “Disappeared between men’s shoes and home appliances, huh? I know that area. It’s like the Bermuda Triangle.”

Jessi’s worried that they won’t want a black eleven year old girl for a Santa. The Bellair employee’s response? Last year’s Santa was a teenaged boy with long hair and an earring who kept saying, “Yo, what’s up?” instead of the standard Santa fare.

Claire’s favorite Christmas gift last year? A hole puncher from Mallory. I don’t know if this is awesome or pathetic.

Mal and Ben are singing Christmas carols with a bunch of little kids, including all Ben’s brothers and their friends. One of the kids is Jake Kuhn. He’s established to be Jewish, but I guess it really doesn’t matter. “Deck the Halls” isn’t a religious carol; you could argue it’s a New-Years carol instead.

Oh, and they sing “Oh Chanukah” later, so I guess it’s fair.

Mal and Ben’s fight? It’s not as dorky as the time they were arguing about how to use the card catalog, but still pretty dumb. Mal agreed to take the kids caroling with Ben, only she accidentally double-booked herself by agreeing to sit for the Barrett-DeWitt kids during the wedding.

Suzi Barrett wants to write like Stacey someday, with hearts on her Is. Aim higher, Suz. Aim higher! (Later Stacey helps her write a letter and she does, indeed, put a heart on the I in her name.)

Did you know that Suzi is five and five-twelfths? I swear, I learned fractions as a kid only by describing my age. “I’m seven and two-thirds!”

When did Mr. Barrett move to Milwaukee? I think it’s interesting how many of these recently-divorced dads in these books move halfway across the country from their kids. It’s not just Mr. Barrett; Mr. Kuhn lives in Texas. I think there are other examples as well. I know that sort of thing happens, especially as Mr. Kuhn was described as moving for work. But Suzi actually refers to her BIOLOGICAL FATHER as her “old daddy.” That tells me that he makes no effort to see her and she considers Franklin DeWitt her “new daddy.”

Come to think of it, what happened to the original Mrs. DeWitt that Franklin has custody of their kids? Maybe she’s dead or moved away. But I prefer to think that Franklin has never been married before and his four kids all have different biological mothers. Maybe I’m just a sick person, but I get a lot of pleasure from that thought.

Suzi’s biggest problem with her new house? It has no chimney, so Santa can’t get in. I didn’t have a chimney in the house I lived in when I was Suzi’s age, so such things never occurred to me. We moved when I was six to a house with two fireplaces, and we got to hang our stockings by the chimney for the first time. That’s when I started wondering about Santa for the first time. Buddy suggests that Santa will come in via a hole in the bathroom floor that’s waiting for a toilet. That is such a big brother line.

Suzi logic: Santa doesn’t know they’re moving, so when they aren’t at their old house, he’ll assume they’re dead and give their presents away. I don’t know why Mrs. Barrett doesn’t just say, “I already called Santa and gave him our new address.” (BTW, I have Santa on speed dial from two Christmases ago when my niece and nephew wouldn’t go to sleep.)

When Mary Anne wants to leave early for the airport to make sure she’s on time, Richard pretends to be insulted that she’s trying to get away from him. Oh, and Sharon gets brownies for the trip. MA says that the last time she made brownies she forgot the eggs, but I’d be more concerned that they were green bean-carob brownies. (Yes, these exist. And they’re actually pretty good…if you’re not expecting them to be chocolate.) It’s okay, though, because she didn’t actually bake these; she bought them.

MA logic: she doesn’t watch the safety presentation on the plane because Kristy’s watching it, and if they crash, she’ll just do whatever Kristy’s doing.

The only reason Jeff writes in Dawn’s wedding journal? Mrs. Bruen tells him to. You know who has the real power in that house.

Carol apparently has a lot of lava lamps. Jeff’s commentary on them is the title quote….although, how does he know what a pig embryo looks like? He hasn’t taken high school biology….

The reason Jeff gets chapters, other than he’s there? (He was also ‘there’ in several other books, where he didn’t get chapters. I think this is actually the first time we get Jeff’s POV, and you know I love it.) He hates Carol’s furniture and doesn’t want it taking over his house. It’s really just symptomatic of the way he feels Carol will be taking over his house. He also worries, for example, that Carol coming in means Mrs. Bruen will go away.

Jeff logic: Don’t get married; you’ll just fight. If you want to fight, just fight with your friends. That way you never have to kiss and makeup.

I have to take bets on how long the Schafer-Olsons will stay married. Their planning is as good as Sharon and Richard’s: they don’t discuss which furniture will go and which will stay until Jeff brings it up…two days before the wedding. The difference between those set of Jeff’s parents and the other is that it causes a loud argument between Jack and Carol. Considering they just broke up a couple months ago…it doesn’t look too good.

Hey, Maggie! Quit stealing my nickname for Mary Anne! Get your own!

Interestingly enough, in the photo of the We heart Kids club meeting, Maggie is wearing exactly what she’s described as wearing. Though I’m not sure how she was able to grow her hair so long….hmmm….

Oooh, Claudia spelling time! Pallo (Palo), Desember, persin, weding, servise, gere (gear). She also uses your for you’re and then…drumroll…writes a whole sentence without a mistake in it! Shock!

Claudia tried to cajole her parents into letting her go to the wedding…even though she doesn’t know what that means.

The best part about Claudia the wedding coordinator (other than the fact that she just nodded and agreed with everything the florist said)? She’s not spending her own money and wasn’t given a budget, so she’s not even paying attention to how much money she’s spending. Hee hee! I’ve read this before, so I know it works out well, but there was a fair shot that Mr. Schafer would demand his money back for the half of Claudia’s plane ticket he paid for.

When Dawn tells Mary Anne she’s a bridesmaid**, she expects Mary Anne to be thrilled. Instead, she’s horrified at the idea of having to walk down the aisle in front of the whole wedding. (Of course, she’s shhhhhhhyyyyyyy.) This makes her mood when she finds out she’s not actually a bridesmaid even more amusing.

**Even Claudia knows MA’s not a bridesmaid. When she ordered flowers, she got a bouquet for the bride and one for the maid of honor…nothing for other bridesmaids.

“I was too stupid.” Yes, Dawn, you were.

MA logic time: “Didn’t I deserve to be a bridesmaid?” Umm, why, no, Mary Anne. That’s not how life works, sweetie. You don’t get to be a bridesmaid by being the groom’s ex-wife’s step-daughter. You’re lucky you’re even attending the wedding. Mr. Schafer was actually really big to even allow that. I probably wouldn’t have, if I were him. (“Dawn, you can invite one friend from Stoneybrook, but not your stepsister. What do you mean, why not?”) This might be the single dumbest statement in the whole book, and it’s not a Dawn statement. (See? I’m not just insulting Dawn in this book. She’s not the only one who can think stupid things. She’s just the most constant one.)

That said, I don’t blame MA for being put out. Dawn told her she was a bridesmaid, which she didn’t even want to be, and then it was whipped away from her a short time later, just after she’d gotten used to the idea. I would honestly feel much the same way, except I wouldn’t have felt as entitled about the thought as MA did.

“No one wants to watch zee doncing heepos, except in Fantasia!” Possibly the only time I’ve loved Mme. Noelle.

Once again, I love Jessi’s dad. He suggests his growth was stunted as a child because Aunt Cecelia used to steal his breakfast. (He’s 6’2” and 200lb).

Sharon-itis: sunglasses in the oatmeal. Mary Anne suddenly realizes how much Dawn in her mother’s daughter…despite the fact that Dawn used to be the one cleaning up Sharon’s messes and keeping them organized. Maybe Sharon-itis gets worse as you age?

“It’s Group Bad Hair Day!” This laugh is courtesy of Claudia Kishi, proprietor of the Kishi Hair Clinic.

Dawn’s dad drives like a maniac. Hee hee!

The only way Jeff agrees to wear a tie to the wedding is when his dad says he can take it off and toss it in the air after the bride and groom kiss.

*I think it’s pretty horrible to have a wedding that involves joining two families with seven children and only let two of them be in the wedding. It wouldn’t be too hard to find some role for each of the kids to play. Instead, Lindsey and Buddy are the ring bearer and flower girl and the rest of the kids sit in the back of the church with Shannon and Mallory….

Barrett-DeWitt logic. Suzi states that the wedding is boring and asks why her mom is getting married. Taylor: “Because she’s old. She has to have a husband!”

You know who I really feel sorry for in this book? Shannon. She was a full-time member of the BSC for 12 books (#69-#80) and several mysteries and super specials. Yet she only rates one book of her own and one chapter in this book…which she spends camped out in the church nursery, missing the whole wedding. Bye, Shannon. We hardly knew ye!

Stacey and the other Barrett-DeWitt bridesmaids are all that kind of silly that you become when you don’t get enough sleep. One of them misplaces her flowers and then they all start calling them like a dog. An old lady finds them behind the toilet paper, stating something like “Either these belong to you, or this is some fancy church.”

Stacey suggests she could have picked her nose while Mrs. Barrett was coming up the aisle, because no one would have noticed. Not only is it true, it’s also super-sophisticated.

The only good part of that wedding? Mal is left watching four small Barrett-DeWitts after Shannon takes Ryan out of the church. She basically spends the whole time shushing them and trying to get them to sit down. Marnie winds up getting up and running down the aisle, joining her mom and Franklin for the vows. The minister applauds it because this is not the joining of two people but of two families. Plus it means that leaves Mal with only three kids in the back of the church.

Ooh, more Claudia spelling! Weding, valubile, traning, lerned, skcills, pade, Shafer, enormis, buffay, catererer (lol…who hasn’t done something like that once or twice), flowerist, exept, leves, taist, flaver, bole, chocklit, pixtures. Come on, Claud. You need to learn how to spell chocolate at the very least. (Btw, it was a chocklit mouse she was eating. Yum?)

Mr. Schafer gives Claud his point-and-shoot camera so she can take candids at the reception. He calls it a Ph.D. camera…as in “press here, dummy.” I think it’s cute that Claud gives all this technical camera info about it, given we know she likes photography.

In a nice piece of continuity, the outfits on the front cover are exactly the same outfits those girls are shown wearing in the interior art. Oh, and I forgot to mention that this cover led to one of my favorite BSC pictures:

Speaking of forgot to mention, back when Mrs. Barrett asks Stacey to be a bridesmaid, she asks him what size dress she wears, suggesting a six. Stacey’s supposed to be super-skinny; I’d think that would be too large on her.

The church where the B/D wedding took place (you try typing that combo name this many times!) won’t allow people to throw rice. They probably believe the urban legend that it makes bird’s stomachs swell up and explode, given that the guests throw bird seed instead. (I’ve always been partial to blowing bubbles myself, especially when there are children.)

The kids change the lyrics to the Christmas carols when they finally go caroling. Their new lyrics aren’t as good as Mal’s, but….My favorite was when Becca sang that Rudolph wasn’t wearing clothes.

The solution to the Mal-Ben fight? They agree to carol another day. This is so dumb that I actually had to go back and see if she’d tried to reschedule it when they’d had their fight. I can’t believe two eleven year olds couldn’t think of something like that to end a disagreement.

The best part of the second Jeff chapter? He’s summing up the reception in his journal entry and says that Dawn’s toast was stupid…then crosses it out and writes that it was really nice after Mrs. Bruen tells him it was mean. Brothers.

Jeff wants to wear a sign with the answers to all the stupid questions he keeps getting asked on it. Last time I went to a family reunion, one branch of the family all had shirts that said things like, “Zebryna, daughter of Helga. Sixth grade. 12. Yes, they’re my brothers, but they’re half-brothers.” The shirts were hilarious. (Hi Bryna, btw, if you’re still reading this!)

Jeff finds Dawn’s friends annoying, but Claudia is okay because she’s funny.

The S/Os get the world’s most hideous clown lamp for a gift. Every wedding has to have that one ridiculous gift, although my sister apparently loved her R. Kelly kitchen apron. (There’s no accounting for taste.)

The solution to the Jeff problem? All of Carol’s furniture is mysteriously lost by the moving company.

Sunny is never allowed to plan a surprise party again. Basically, Kristy gets two chapters in this whole book; she spends the whole time whipping a surprise going-away party for Dawn into shape and making Sunny and company worship her, however briefly. But then as they’re leaving the wedding reception, Sunny actually says, “See you tomorrow at the party!” Slick, that one.

“Claudia can make a production out of packing a lunch bag.” Hah!

Double hah! The cake at the party looks like Dawn’s face. Who wants a big piece of nostril or ear?

Stephie logic: She once saw a truck pulling a house, so Dawn should fly her CT house from that state to CA so she wouldn’t have to leave.

“Newlywed middle-aged man dies in domestic piano-moving incident. Details at eleven.” And I now officially love Franklin DeWitt.

The solution to the Suzi problem—which Logan doesn’t actually come up with but does help her implement? A Hansel and Gretel trail of cookie crumbs from their old to new house so Santa can find his way.

Why in the world are Dawn and Jeff flying on Christmas Day? That seems like a lousy way to spend a holiday, although Dawn thinks it’s great because she can spend the day on both coasts.

Dawn got a sign on both coasts this time. When will the BSC and Kids club get sick of making those? (Hopefully never!)

So Dawn’s back on the East Coast and the BSC shows up for Christmas dinner. (Yeah, right, but let’s forget that for a moment.) When they describe who’s talking, at one point “Dad” talks. Oops, that’s got to be a mistake.

And we’re about finished, because the epilogue is boring, except for the Claudia spelling! Crad (card), pictur, restuarant, woldnt, thro, befor, hunymoon, horible, wen, nasturshums.

One last bibbit (as my grandmother would say). Ben’s gift to Mallory? A tape called “Ten Steps to Better Singing.” Guy will never get any if that’s the kind of gifts he gives girls.

One last thought that occurred to me a couple days after I finished this one but before I got around to posting it? The B-D family moves into this not-big-enough needs-a-lot-of-work house because they can’t afford anything nicer in Stoneybrook. If they’d had a less formal wedding: a justice of the peace, just them, the kids and their best man/maid of honor going out to dinner afterward, then they might have been able to get a better house. I mean, Mrs. B’s wedding dress must have cost a grand or so by itself from the way it’s described (and no, I didn’t include it in the outfits; it’s a formal wedding gown. You know what that looks like.) Just a thought.

Outfits

Maggie: dreadlocks (dyed red and green), neon-patterned jumpsuit (No Maggie BAD MAGGIE!), eighties power suit jacket (tailored with shoulder pads…very Dynasty) 

“So? He can feed it to Rudolph.” BSC #92: Mallory’s Christmas Wish (1995)

How was everyone’s holiday? I should have read this one last week. I actually (gasp!) enjoyed most of it. (Of course, that may be because Christmas is actually over!)

Mallory comes up with the idea of a non-commercial, old-fashioned Christmas, an idea the Pikes love. But then Vanessa enters them into a contest and the prize they win is being filmed for the Christmas episode of what’s essentially a reality show. At first they like it, but the camera crew quickly gets in the way of their holiday and Mr. Pike winds up firing them.

The subplot surrounds the nursing home and a fundraiser the BSC helps with. It’s more realistic than most of their big-event storylines because the BSC didn’t plan and organize it; they just pitch in.

Interesting Tidbits

Ze Cover (Sorry, I’m watching Les Mis while writing this; I’ll try not to get too overtly French…or more accurate, cockney British):

 

Mallory, red heads generally shouldn’t wear pink. Of course, that yellow doesn’t look any better on her. (Also, according to the author’s note, the man in the green jacket is the artist, Hodges Solieau.)

Mallory starts off by writing yet another story based upon her own life. LAME!

I’d eat friddiggity for dessert with Margo! (That’s how she pronounces frigidity; it reminds me of how Tessie would have pronounced it at seven...and how it kept coming out of my mouth today.)

Is it sad that I’d rather read Mallory and the Seven Simian Siblings than this book?

This makes me laugh mostly because it’s (bordering on) true: “By the time Claire is eleven, she’ll have an apartment of her own, a personal butler, and a salary.” Now, I don’t believe that, but I do believe that the Pikes will get more lenient with each progressive child. (I still hold a grudges over this fact in my own life.)

Oh my word. A food the Pike triplets won’t eat! Byron looks disgusted at the suggestion of lamb stew. Vanessa: “Lamb stew, Lamb stew/Start with some herbs then chop up the ewe!” Margo: “Ew!” Vanessa: “Exactly.”

I hate to admit how much like Mallory I used to be. Obviously I don’t have seven insane brothers and sisters. But she and Jessi went down town, pretending to be French refugees, hoping to find some kind soul to shelter them from the cruel world. I’ve never done that with someone else (in public) but I spent a large amount of my childhood pretending to be someone else.

I’ve only just started chapter two and there’s already been about six conversations I want to record exactly. Apparently the BSC has the same kind of word skills that Margo does: nobody (except Mal the nerd) knows what ‘a tizzy’ is. (I’m reminded of SS #15 for three reasons: first, Claudia talks with her mouth full and Stacey instructs her to swallow, which happens in that book; second, the conversation between the various club members reminds me of the conversation between Claudia and Dawn when Janine calls Claudia a laggard and they don’t know what that means. Also Mal uses a word that no one else knows the meaning of. My suspicion is confirmed: they are ghostwritten by the same person.) Of course, it doesn’t help that Mal attempts to explain a tizzy by saying it’s the same as being in a dither. Really, what eleven year old knows words/phrases like that? (That’s right. A really nerdy one.)

Ha! Mallory hates being called a junior member—can you blame her? So she gets a bit of satisfaction by being taller than Kristy is. Speaking of, is it just me, or are all these girls on the tall side? We had a missing thirteen year old in our local area this week, and she was 4’11”. Kristy is the shortest BSC member and she’s taller than that. I’m pretty sure I was less than 5’ at that age.

“Kishi Scientific Ener-joy Theory.” I subscribe!

Typical Abby. Her BSC/car analogy: Kristy is the headlights, Claudia the chassis, Stacey the gas gauge, Mary Anne the engine, Abby herself the bumper. (I guess Mal and Jessi are the cupholders and the like, because they aren’t mentioned.)

Mal is, I think, the only BSC member to come straight out and suggest that Kristy is jealous of Abby, which is the first thought I had when I read a book with Abby in it.

Mrs. Pike suggests that they’re going to be arrested by the Christmas carol police for butchering the 12 Days of Christmas. (Sample lyric: five silly-billy-goo-goos) Can we arrest some pop stars for the same reason?

When the producer, Mr. Henry, arrives, he explains the reality show he’s filming while using a large variety of big words. Adam does exactly what I used to do as a kid: he agrees with everything that’s said, and then when Nicky asks him what that meant, he says, “I don’t know.” I feel there are a lot of adults who behave that way also.

You know it’s bad when Claudia is correcting Abby’s word usage.

Wow, I didn’t know that Aunt Cecelia had a good side. But a store clerk finds it by suggesting she’s Jessi’s older sister. (What do you expect from a store that sells Jessi a box of ‘tchotchkes’ labeled “Junque”?)

Mallory. Shouldn’t you be able to tell the difference between Marilyn and Carolyn, especially since you were the one who helped let them have their own style?

 The title quote is what Haley says when Margo drops cheese on Claire's letter to Santa.

The Pikes are, in some ways, the perfect family to film for a reality show: There are a ton of ‘characters,’ they’re nuts, and they love the camera. My favorite moment during the filming of cookie baking: Nicky drops some eggshell into the cookie batter and this is apparently fabulous. The camera crew not only gets a close up on the shells in the batter; they film Margo going, “Mmm, crunchy!” while Nicky freaks out. Meanwhile, Mr. Pike is laughing his ass off. (I’m not sure why; this sounds like a normal day at the Pikes.)

Mallory goes to visit Uncle Joe and he’s watching an acne cream commercial at top volume. I’m tempted to call 1800-ZIT-GONE just to see what you really get.

Interesting. Becca still sorta believes in Santa, yet Margo and Nicky, who are younger/the same age, no longer believe, and even Claire’s suspicious. I get this, though. It would be hard to maintain the Santa story when you have a bunch of older kids in the family scoffing over the suggestion. I remember that as soon as I stopped believing, my sister did too. It’s possible that Jessi was better at pretending for Becca’s sake than, say, Vanessa and the triplets would be.

Is anyone surprised by the BSC member’s responses to being filmed? Mary Anne ducks away to stay off camera. Kristy films a ‘commercial’ for the BSC while explaining their involvement with the nursing home. Abby hams it up, putting on a bib and knit baby hat.

Vanessa is full of butchered Christmas carols. I wish I were that quick on my feet. (I’m going to have to write them down for next year. There’s only so far you can go with annoying co-workers with Soap Opera Digest carols…)

I’ve never done television, bar appearing in a few news segments. (I’ve appeared in the police blotter for impersonating a dead body, but that’s another story all together.) I can only imagine how irritating it would be to have to redo spontaneous moments in order to catch them on camera. Part of the ‘joy’ of the holidays is the fun and unpredictability, especially with kids involved. So moments like Margo and Nicky falling off the sled should just be allowed to happen and not be recreated for film.

Innnnnnnteresting. Robert invited Stacey to a concert for the same night as the babysitting event. She turned him down because she had the previous commitment. (And because she just barely got back into the club five books earlier.) But she is unbelievably cranky about it. I love this because it’s realistic. You know there has to be moments when these girls don’t want to participate in whatever giant activity that’s planned, for whatever reason.

Kristy embarrasses Logan by pointing out he’s a boy. You’d think he’d already know that.

Heh. The babysitters are unprepared for once. While running the ‘nursery’ at the nursing home by supervising the kids, they don’t have any place set up for changing diapers. (They learn this the hard way.)

Mallory refers to Adam as the Terror of Slate Street. I like it. (It does let his brothers off the hook a little too easily though.) Also, I’m not sure how that happened. Adam wasn’t one of the singers that were looking angelic—Jordan, Nicky, Vanessa, Margo and Claire were.

Points for consistency: even though I didn’t mention it last week, Mallory mentioned that the Pikes do Secret Santa. I’ve done this in the past, but apparently, in the Pike household, you have to grant your Secret Santa’s wish. Mallory gets Adam, who asks for some kind of slithery creature, so she buys him a toy snake. Vanessa gets Mallory, who asks for the greatest Christmas book ever written. Vanessa’s way of granting that wish is actually really sweet: she gives her a blank book and tells her to go write it. Awww!

Later, you get to see a few other Secret Santas: Vanessa gets a newspaper that says she was elected president. (Of all the people in the house, she’s not the one I would have predicted would want that.) And Byron, who asked for his own phone, gets a toy telephone that had been passed down through all the siblings as babies. He uses it to order a large pizza order.

How is no one in the Pike house up at eight in the morning? You’d think Claire and Margo at least would be out of bed by then.

You know that the television situation is bad when the triplets start throwing tantrums. Byron screams at the top of his lungs when they call cut right before he’s supposed to open his present, and later Jordan whines that he hates Christmas. Claire and Margo throwing fits is one thing, but ten year olds is something different. It’s what makes the Pikes kick the camera crews out entirely. (I’m not saying ten year olds don’t/shouldn’t throw tantrums. I’m just saying that there’s usually a very big reason behind it.)

I know that the Pikes wrote into the contract that they could cancel at any time, but can you just imagine how much money would be lost in a move like this? I think the company could possibly still scrape together a special with the footage they already have, but it does kind of ruin the effect to not actually have Christmas Eve and Christmas day.

I think this is the first time I’ve ever looked at the ‘scrapbook’ at the back of a Mallory book. The picture of the Pike family is kinda hilarious. Vanessa and Margo both look way older than the triplets.

No outfits again. Sorry!

Everyone have a happy new year. I’ll see you in January with my take on The Ghost at Dawn’s House…I hope