“Oh be quiet. You sound like a horse.” BSC Super Special #9: Starring the Babysitter’s Club! (1992)

Make sure you don’t forget the exclamation point. After all, it’s exciting, right? Right???

A musical of Peter Pan is being presented at SMS. Jessi’s joined the school paper and is doing an insider’s view of the play, so she’s asking everyone to turn in notes. Here are everyone’s plot lines, in the order they first get a chapter:

Jessi: Acts like a jerk through the whole book. Seriously, she’s much bitchier than normal. She wants to be Peter Pan, but winds up an Indian, so she drops out of the play but ends up assistant choreographer and then has to play Nana and the crocodile.

Kristy: Plays Peter Pan and keeps forgetting her lines, partly because of Dawn.

Dawn: Plays Wendy. Keeps changing the lines so the play is less sexist. Also wishes her dad could be there, but doesn’t even tell him about the play.

Stacey: Plays Mrs. Darling to Sam’s (her current BF, remember?) Mr. Darling. Finds him more annoying than normal.

Cokie: Yes! There’s Cokie! I kinda heart her, although not as much as when she called Mary Anne and Claudia flat-chested in SS#15. She plays Tiger Lily and acts like a brat. Among other things, she turns the janitor’s closet into her own private dressing room.

Claudia: Is the set designer and worries about Cokie’s taunting about the scenery falling down and killing someone.

Mary Anne: Despite her insistence than she’s not going anywhere near the stage, she winds up as the backstage babysitter, supervising all the little children who are not being needed at that point. Gets annoyed with Mallory and has to deal with Jackie.

Mallory: Is the apprentice costume designer and mostly neglects her duties. Instead of keeping track of costumes, she keeps horning in on Mary Anne’s babysitter shtick. Also gets embarrassed having to measure people.

Logan: Plays a pirate named Noodler and spends more time goofing off than working. He actually gets kicked out of the play at one point.

Jackie R: gets the part of Michael Darling. (I bet the director regretted that decision after he got to know him better.) Is afraid of the crocodile costume.

Sam: Has been acting like a goofball because he wants to prove to his friends (who have been calling him a cradle robber) that he’s having a good time with Stacey.

Interesting Tidbits

The cover. It’s notable for having Logan on it, front and (slightly-off-)center. But it’s a bad, bad cover. The main issue? It’s a giant spoiler. I remembered being mad somewhere near the beginning of the book that I already knew Kristy was going to play Peter and Dawn would be Wendy. But the giant ending-ruiner is Jessi dressed up as the crocodile, which doesn’t happen until chapter 21!

I’m still trying to follow Jessi’s logic. It goes like this: I can dance, therefore I will be Peter Pan. Without any thought to the fact that Peter Pan also needs to be able to sing and act. Besides, it’s not like the dancing in a musical is the same as a ballet. Maybe if she took jazz and tap too, like some girls I went to school with.

I’m trying to figure this play out. It’s not an SMS play, because high school and elementary school kids can also try out. But most of the roles go to middle school students. Hmm.

Gross lunch time: Kristy likens her mystery meat to something Boo-boo dragged into the house.

Here’s what everyone is going to audition for.

Kristy: Nana/crocodile

Dawn: Tiger Lily

Stacey: whatever small part she can get

Jessi: Peter Pan (duh)

“You guys could never be spies,” is what Kristy tells her friends (BSC and Logan). This is obviously before BSC stakeouts became a ‘thing.’

Dawn’s such an individual and she doesn’t care what other people think. So why does she consider not trying out for Tiger Lily just because Cokie is as well?

Karen throws a temper tantrum on stage, because she wants to be Tinker Bell. (Tinker Bell isn’t really a character in the musical—she’s represented by light and a tinkling noise.) I remember clearly hoping that meant she wouldn’t get any part at all. Instead, of course, because no one ever really tells Karen no, they actually create the part just for her. BRAT!

Matt Braddock is listed as being eight when he’s introduced; he’s usually seven.

Heh. During the Cokie chapter (where you learn who got which part), she writes her introduction (in all caps) and calls Jessi a twerp and then crosses it out. In this book, she’s actually pretty accurate. Later, she finishes her chapter by trying to undermine Claudia and Mal in their crew jobs.

I’ve always remembered this: Because Cokie and Grace aren’t particularly good students, when the two of them go to their teachers/guidance counselors/whoever and say things like, “I’m not good at math, but I’d do better if I could do it earlier in the day,” so they can get more classes together.

Cokie and I actually have something in common: we want to correct her friend’s spelling. Oh, and we both watched General Hospital when we were in eighth grade. (Okay, maybe I still do.)

Ooh, Claudia spelling! Confussing, whanted, husbend, senery, desiner shes. Oh, and the funniest bit is that she spells both Kristy (Kirsty) and Jessi (Jessy) wrong.

Claudia doesn’t really have a plotline, so she gets to narrate the meeting after Jessi doesn’t get Peter Pan…and Kristy does. Jessi makes a good point when both Kristy and Dawn (who ended up with the two biggest roles in the play) are griping about it. They shouldn’t complain, because they got what they wanted…just a little larger. (It’s like really wanting a baby and then getting upset because you’re having twins.) But then she ruins it by saying that she was told she was too good for the role and had too many starring roles already. (I don’t remember if you actually find out what was said, but Jessi’s way of saying it makes it sound like she’s making it up.*)

The title quote is Kristy’s response to Jessi snorting at her.

The head costume designer is named Savannah. Mal says she doesn’t go by a nickname because she doesn’t have a good one. Well, not everyone needs a nickname, even if their name is three syllables. I mean, does Vanessa have to go out and get a nickname now?

Logan totally blames the fact that he was kicked out of the play on Dawn’s woman’s libbing and Kristy’s inability to remember her lines. Okay, those things did annoy the director, but take some responsibility for your actions, Logan! (Logan says that he didn’t deserve to be kicked out of the play, but it’s a total teacher move. In order to get control over all the cast, he had to make an example of the first person to get out of line.)

Here’s the real question over Logan’s firing. If no one’s working with the pirates, why are they even at the rehearsal? I’m a little like Mary Anne and I’ve never wanted to be in a play, so I’ve never been backstage. But I’ve seen enough television and read enough books to know that generally, only those people needed for a rehearsal go to that rehearsal.

I had a ‘first edition’ of this from when it was first published—I think I got it for Christmas—but I don’t remember whether the card that’s in this one was in my book. It’s all the BSC sitting with Santa and has AMM’s signature on the back with the words Seasons Greetings. Santa looks freaky.

Jackie spelling: writting, hapens, Michal, costums, Mary Ann, speshul. Oh, and he’s keeping a dairy.

Jessi actually keeps thinking that, because Kristy’s having trouble with her lines, the powers that be will just up and fire her and let Jessi fill the role. (Like she doesn’t have an understudy or anything. If Kristy were going to get fired, her understudy would probably get the role instead.)

*You do find out that Mr. Cheney did indeed tell Jessi that. It’s possible her phrasing was more trying not to make Kristy feel bad, but it doesn’t seem that way. (Mr. Cheney did also tell Jessi that she’s a very talented dancer with stage presence but that her dancing and acting were…so so.)

I had a good giggle about this: Stacey hears a giggle while she’s performing on stage, but she can’t look around because there’s no stage direction in the script that says: Mrs. Darling checks around the stage to see who’s making fun of her.

“Sing out, Louise!” I had to Google that before I found out it was from Gypsy.

Sam spends his entire diary entry contemplating how he doesn’t understand women.

My favorite moment in the whole book: David Michael and Bill tie a bunch of shoes together and then consider gluing them to the floor. Mary Anne catches them, and all they have to say is “Oops.”

More Jackie spelling. He’s actually doing okay until he gets to rehursl. (That’s his third try.) He also tries twice to spell dictionary.

One of the Pike triplets throws his hat out the bus window on the way to the dress rehearsal. After that the teacher supervising them makes a no-talking rule. Jackie thinks the teacher should have made a no-hat-throwing rule instead.

Jackie deals with his fear of the crocodile during the dress rehearsal by throwing a Styrofoam rock at it and shouting crocabunga. He gets a serious lecture afterward but still tells his mom it was the best day of his life.

Claudia spelling: scenry, expeting, rehursal (slightly better than Jackie), wallope, senery, specticuler (spectacular), performance, nerly, nervus. She spells Kristy wrong again and says she imaged something instead of imagined.

Stacey shows up at Claudia’s and starts doing ‘what ifs’ with her fears. Claudia tells her that she sounds like Mary Anne, the “demented version.” I have to smile at that, even though it doesn’t say good things for what they think about MA.

Of course, the play goes off well. Dawn (who didn’t eat all day) doesn’t faint or barf or change her lines and cries when Richard brings her some roses during the curtain call.

“I promise not to suck my thumb or spit baby food on him.” BSC Mystery #6: The Mystery at Claudia’s House (1992)

This is one of the mysteries I solved very early on as a child. In fact, I figured everything out on page 33. That’s when Janine shows up at breakfast wearing eye shadow and nail polish, and I went, “ZOMG! Janine got herself a boyfriend!” (Okay, I really didn’t say ZOMG back in 1992, but if I were reading it for the first time now, that’s likely what I’d say.) This book also has another OH HELL YEAH! moment for me, which you will discover in the tidbits.

Claudia keeps discovering the mess in her room is in disarray. Someone else has been in her room, moving her stuff. She eventually realizes Janine has been taking her clothes and wearing her makeup. Janine is being secretive and lying to their parents, but she eventually comes clean: she’s got a boyfriend!

Claudia lets Derek Masters try to help her solve the Janine mystery, but he’s got a problem of his own. He’s going to be kissing a girl on his show, and he’s told all the kids in town he has lots of kissing experience. But he lied, because he’s never kissed a girl before.

Interesting tidbits

The cover of this book threw me off when I was a kid. The first five mysteries all had blue covers, so I assumed they all would. Then here comes #6 with a purple cover.  That said, this is always pretty much exactly how I’d pictured Claudia’s room…only with more artwork on plain white walls and a lot more makeup on her vanity.

Any time Derek Masters shows up, I keep waiting for someone to explain the difference between actors and characters to Becca. She has a crush on one of the boys on Derek’s show, and she always refers to him as Lamont, his character’s name. It’s fair enough to have a crush on a character. (I’m still mourning the fact that Sweets died this week on Bones, after all.) But given the fact that Derek looks and acts nothing like his character Waldo, shouldn’t it be pretty easy to explain the difference between Lamont and the actor who plays him?

I have a feeling there will be a lot of outfits in this one! Tee hee!

When Claudia first tells her friends that someone else was in her room, they tease her because they can’t see a difference between Claudia’s mess and Janine’s version of the mess. Jessi suggests the FBI is after Claud, but Dawn (of course) thinks a ghost was involved.

Derek guest-starred on a show called Kid Detectives and now he thinks he knows all there is to know about crime solving. It sounds pretty silly, but no more so than the BSC going around solving crimes.

Ooh, I just had a thought! In a couple years, when they have their drivers’ licenses, the BSC can buy a van. The gang can take Shannon the dog and drive around in their van, solving mysteries.

Claudia rushes away from breakfast to catch her bus. But doesn’t she usually walk to school?

Stacey suggests that Janine was trying to look sophisticated by wearing smeared, poorly applied eye shadow and orange nail polish. Claudia says the nail polish clashes with Janine’s outfit, but that’s coming from someone who purposely wore an outfit that made her feel dizzy.

Stacey then suggests that Claudia call the cops, because she’s not taking the Janine-thing as seriously as Claud is. After that, Claud pictures Janine being booked for meal tardiness and incompetent makeup application.

Janine asks to borrow Claudia’s red sweater, and Claudia’s surprised because Janine never wears ‘wild colors’ like red. Since when is red wild? Sure, it’s a little bolder than black or navy blue or gray, but it’s not as if it were hot pink or turquoise or something.

I love the fact that Claudia catches on right away to the fact that Derek’s never kissed a girl in his life, even though everyone else believes him when he says it’s no big deal and he’s done it tons of times. The triplets and Nicky are trying to get him to kiss Vanessa, who is okay with it until Derek actually agrees to kiss her. Then she runs off, screaming. (Ahh, I remember the days when my friends were like this. I was that weirdo in elementary school who kissed the ‘bad boy’ just to show everyone that kissing was no big deal.)

Claudia gives Janine a makeover at Janine’s request, and she actually does a good job. She doesn’t try to make Janine look like her; she sticks with her regular style (blouse-skirt-sweater) but adds a little more color, and she shows her how to subtly apply makeup.

Ooh, here’s my OH HELL YEAH! moment. When I was a teen, my mom bought a box of Popsicles. My sister asked what flavors the popsicles came in and I told her: orange, grape, lime, cherry and blue. Her: Blue is a color, not a flavor. Me: It is too! I remembered reading something where a character had said that, but I firmly believed that to be true. Blue popsicles/lollipops/etc. never taste like anything in nature. I was about ten pages into this book when I realized that this is where it came from. Derek is the one who insists to Stacey that blue is both the color and the flavor of Todd’s popsicle. In fact, he says that’s true of all popsicles.

The Pikes call Derek, who asks Stacey if “those guys” can come over. Stacey responds, “Which guys? Donatello and Michelangelo and Raphael and Leonardo?”

Claudia’s having a schadenfreude moment: she’s reveling in the fact that Janine got grounded. She lied to her parents, saying she was studying at the library. Mrs. Braddock mentions in passing that she saw Janine at Pizza Express that same night. Her parents end up telling her it’s perfectly okay for her to go to Pizza Express, and they would have let her go if she’d asked. She’s grounded only because she was lying. Ahh, good parenting.

But since Janine won’t tell Claud what caused her to lie to their parents, Claudia decides to handle things the mature, responsible way: she’ll tell Janine she’s there for her if she ever wants to talk. I’m just kidding—she actually decides to put a tail on Janine and spy on her.

I had to laugh when Claudia spends Janine’s entire grounding being overly solicitous to her parents. She’s determined to be “the good daughter” for as long as she can milk it.

Derek’s logic behind Janine’s problem: she was abducted by aliens and brainwashed. Or she’s a kleptomaniac who’s stealing all over town. (How does Derek know what a kleptomaniac is? He’s eight!)

I’m with Mary Anne. It’s not a good idea to encourage kids to spy on others. Claudia comes over during MA’s sitting job to get Derek to help her tail Janine. But being Mary Anne, she gives in.

Heh. When they had no idea what was going on with Janine, the BSC kept suggesting various ideas. Mal’s the one who thinks maybe it’s a boyfriend. Now that they (Claudia, MA, Derek and Todd) spotted Janine with a boy, Mallory suggests that the guy is a spy and he’s after something Janine’s working on in the chemistry lab.

Did anyone take ‘civics’ in third grade? I mean, we did citizenship and current events all through elementary school, but we never called it civics.

Kristy comes up with the idea that Claudia should invite Janine over while babysitting for Derek, for her to help him with his ‘civics’ homework. But of course, Janine doesn’t wind up being touched by the insistence that they must always tell the truth—Derek does.

Claudia actually lets Derek and the Pike boys plot on how to get even with Vanessa, who accepted money from her brothers to kiss Derek, then ran off with the funds. (They decide to find ugly baby pictures of her and blackmail her with them. And Claudia approves!)

When Claudia confronts Janine by saying she knows Janine’s been using Claudia’s phone when she’s not home, Janine just shouts at her to mind her own business and stalks off. I loved this, because Janine’s usually portrayed as a clueless creature—she’s not usually acting like a normal teenager. This was regular teenaged behavior; the only way she could have made it more realistic was by shouting “I hate you!” and slamming the door.

When Claudia tells the BSC about Janine’s boyfriend Jerry, they all have different responses. Mal thinks that a secret romance is great, while Jessi’s disappointed that Janine wasn’t a klepto or something else interesting.

The title quote is Claudia’s response when Janine—still angry with Claud for spying on her—tells her to act like an adult when Jerry eats dinner with the family.

Of course, Janine eventually forgives Claudia and they dish about Jerry and the dating life. And Derek’s actually disappointed when the kissing scene he was supposed to film is put off for a year.

Outfits:

Claudia: lace leggings, purple tie-dyed t-shirt dress, purple high tops (take away the high tops and I’d actually wear this. Sad but true!); black and white checked stretch pants, red belt, black shirt with white polka dots, red ankle boots, black and white barrette, red heart earrings (would never, ever wear this, for the record); royal blue sweatshirt dress

Janine: pre makeover: navy crewneck sweater, white blouse with Peter Pan collar, gray pleated wool skirt, gray knee socks, brown loafers (totally adorable!); post makeover: short black wool skirt, white oxford shirt, blue and green patterned sweater, black boots; gray wool skirt, pink oxford shirt, red sweater

Coming soon: I’m excited for the month of October. We’re going to start with SS #9, followed by our final British version: we’re heading back in time to #45. (I will blog #60 in place of #75, at which point we will be all current.) After #45, we’ll end the month with #61 and one of my other favorite mysteries: #7.

“I didn’t know you could apply physics to cosmetology.” BSC #58: Stacey’s Choice (1992)

So it’s apropos that I’m reading this book now. I was supposed to read it last weekend, but instead my dad decided to come visit me. He says he didn’t find out that the Red Sox were playing the Royals until after he booked the trip. I said (not to his face, mind you) that he’s full of bull. On the plus side, we actually got to talk without trying to kill each other and the Royals beat the Red Sox while we were at the K. Go Royals! Anyway, back to Stacey’s dad problems instead of mine…

Just when you think Stacey’s parents are actually going to be civil to each other…. It was only 15 books ago, after all, that Stacey had her emergency and told her parents off for putting her in the middle. They promised to do better, but I guess they failed. Stacey’s mom gets really sick, and, seeing as they’re a two person family, Stacey feels responsible for caring for her. Her dad gets a promotion at work and wants her to come to some event with him, but she feels like she can’t leave her mom. Communication in this whole family pretty well stinks, and it only improves whenever Stacey forces the matter.

Meanwhile, the kids have been ordering stuff from the back of magazines and comics, and when it doesn’t live up to the advertisements, they try to sell it to others.

Interesting Tidbits

Well, I feel foolish. I was looking at the cover, thinking, ‘Which one is Stacey and which one is Dawn?’ Then I looked to the left, where all the babysitter faces are sitting…and the ‘Stacey’ face is from this book. Whoops.

Other than that, these girls are very fashionable for 1992. Except I would have expected to see more mall-hair style bangs. Oh, and this actually happens in the book!

According to this, Dee is just a nickname that Ms. McGill calls Mrs. Pike.

Hee hee. Dawn has “a lot of admirers.” I don’t know why that phrasing strikes my fancy, but it does.

Oh, I’ve always remembered this! One time I retold this story to my mom, only I thought it was something that had happened to one of my friends (rather than Kristy.) She says she bought a tape of old rock and roll songs performed by the original artists, but when the tape arrived, it was a bunch of remade songs performed by a band called…the Original Artists.

The introduction of the Rosebud Café! I didn’t realize it wasn’t around before this. Although, they do tend to go to places like Good Time Charley’s and Friendly’s in the earlier books.

Stacey’s dad may regret inviting her to his promotion dinner when he sees the type of outfit she buys for it. (see below) Stacey’s mom says it’s perfect, however.

Buddy wants to order a book called How to Become Mr. Muscle so he can look like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

I’m enjoying the plotline with the kids ordering crap from the back of magazines (something I was never allowed to do, as my mom told me all of it was a rip off) way more than Stacey’s plot. Is that bad? Dawn is sitting for the Barretts when half the neighborhood comes over and talks about what they’ve ordered. Haley ordered wart remover and Jake ordered a kit to grow catnip. When Dawn asks if she has warts/he has a cat, they’re both like, no, but….someone must!

Stacey wants to write a Divorce Handbook to help children of divorced parents through. Even though I’m in my thirties and my parents get along better than Stacey’s do, I’d buy it.

One of the funniest bits about the mail-order storyline is that Vanessa ordered a bust developer. Everyone (especially the flat-chested Kristy) is interested in seeing it and if it works. Later, when the kids are trying to sell their products off, Claire keeps asking everyone what a bust developer does, but no one will tell her.

During an argument between Buddy and Suzi, at one point Suzi’s name is spelled Suzy, despite the fact that it’s spelled correctly in the paragraph before and after.

Stacey and Dawn have a talk about divorce, which is actually quite nice. It’s one thing the two of them have in common, and it’s good to see them getting along after the last book, when Stacey (rightfully) wanted to kill Dawn. Dawn points out that she doesn’t get caught between her parents as often as Stacey does, but when she does, it’s much worse because a plane trip is involved.

Stacey goes to the Pikes to do her homework, but she can’t get anything done because all the kids are feeling ‘gypped’ over spending all their money on mail order garbage, when all they really want is yo-yos. (Like a family like the Pikes wouldn’t have a yo-yo or five lying around somewhere). Mal suggests they go ask for an advance on their allowances…just so they’ll leave her and Stacey alone. Every now and then, I love Mal.

And now I love her even more. Mrs. Pike picks up Stacey, Mal and Jessi at school with Claire riding along. Mal, Jessi and Claire start pretending Stacey is going on a long trip (instead of just staying overnight in NYC) so they start yelling stuff like, “Don’t forget to write,” and “Have fun in Spain!”

I have spent most of the book feeling sorry for Stacey, but there have been a couple of times I’ve just wanted to slap her. Like during this line: “I decided I had been away from New York too long. I was losing my grip on sophistication.”

Stacey wonders what happens to the homeless when they die. Her dad thinks she’s being morbid, but it’s a valid question. I read a book about street kids—runaways, throwaways, foster kids, rebels, etc—and every so many chapters began with the backstory of one of the kids…who then left the streets during that chapter. Truly sad and depressing. One froze to death; one was murdered; one’s parents came and picked him up (not so sad); one’s grandparents were found so that she could safely go home; and one was carted off to the loony bin, if you’ll excuse the term. I wish I could remember the name of that book. The main character went by the street name of Maybe. Sound familiar to anyone else?

When Stacey gets back from NYC, the issue of communication comes up. Stacey’s dad had told her he’d schedule a visiting nurse to watch her mom, but never told her he’d actually followed through on that. Meanwhile, both Stacey and Mrs. Pike were arranging neighbors to watch Stacey’s mom as well. Apparently, instead of drawing up a calendar or a schedule, they each just called people. (Later, you find out that Stacey had made a calendar, but Mrs. Pike never saw it.) So there were multiple people showing up at the same time, when they weren’t even needed. Stacey’s parents both try to tell her she can’t be responsible for everything and everyone, but to me that’s not really the issue. If her dad had just said to her, “Stacey, don’t worry. I will hire a visiting nurse to spend the weekend with your mother so you can come visit me without worrying,” and then later told her exactly what he’d lined up, this book wouldn’t have happened.

Haley has to figure out how to explain what a rap is to Matt. I don’t envy her for that task.

This book made me laugh twice. Once during the Pike family rumpus and once during the door-to-door show the kids make up for selling their products. (They don’t sell anything, but the parents pay the kids for their plays and raps and pantomimes.) When the wagon train shows up at the Pikes, Mr. Pike says, “Heavenly days!” Mal (who is helping, along with Stacey, supervise the show) gets all embarrassed, and Stacey responds, “My father says ‘I swan,’” which he did indeed do earlier in the story.

One last question about the little traveling show. All the kids who were involved in skits or raps or whatever earned money from the parents they performed for. That explains how most of these kids recouped their funds. But Haley steadfastly refused to perform, so is she just out her lost money, or did they share with her?

The title quote is a Claudia line. She bought crow’s feet remover from Haley (so I guess she did get some money. I don’t know why I wonder about crap like that) and wrinkle remover from the Pikes. Stacey explains that what Claudia’s worried about its just laugh lines, and that your skin has to go somewhere when you smile: “It’s, like, a law of physics.”

“Children are never boring.” Thank you for that insight, Kristy.

Outfits

Kristy: jeans, red sweatshirt, sneakers

Stacey: hot pink silk jacket, black leggings, pink and black socks, black bodysuit, black flats

Next week: We’re finishing out September with mystery #6: The Mystery at Claudia’s House, one of my favorite mysteries

“Dawn’s got her mind on other things. Like permanent garbage.” BSC #57: Dawn Saves the Planet (1992)

You all owe me big time for even opening this book. You can pay me in alcohol or BSC books; I still need 20 to complete my set.

Okay, before I begin, let’s vlog about Dawn:

So the eighth graders are studying ecology in science class, and Dawn and Stacey decide to create an environmentally friendly class for some of the their sitting charges. The kids get really into it, but Dawn is even worse. She lectures everyone and is totally out of control. She gets the good idea to start a recycling program at SMS, which the students get behind quickly. However, Dawn’s been so annoying that the kids at school don’t want her to head up the program. Eventually, the BSC shows her the error of her ways.

Interesting Tidbits

This book is so bad, I couldn’t even get Scout the cat to attack it. And I tried!

The cover. The girls seem really intent on that ridiculous, pointless poster Dawn’s pointing at, but the boys aren’t paying attention at all.

And Dawn is being annoying right off the bat: She sits down and announces, “I’m going to save the planet.” To make me laugh, Claudia responds, “It’s about time.”

Claudia’s the one making fun of the lunch this time, by calling it “The Green Slime.”

Oh, Dawn’s one of those people: the ones who make lists for everything.

It says that Marnie Barrett “raced” down the steps, but most two year olds aren’t that steady on their feet. Marnie barely speaks, and I’ve always pictured her as being a ‘young’ two, (as compared to Gabbie, who is 2 and ½ and has the language skills of an elementary school students.)

My parents never bought six-packs of soda, but I remember staying at my uncle’s house and trying to plead with him to cut up the six-pack rings so fish didn’t get stuck in them. Sad but true—I think I learned that from this book.

Stacey and Dawn hug in the hallway and a couple of boys look at them and smirk. I think that might be just about the only same sex combo I haven’t seen a fanfic about.

I really wonder sometimes how they decide which kids should be part of each activity. Like, why are all the kids in Kristy’s neighborhood (DM, the Papadakises and the Kormans) invited to an ecology class in Stacey’s backyard while the Arnold twins, who live in her neighborhood, are not?

Also, they invite two Pike kids—Nicky and Vanessa—but not the younger ones. I can see the logic behind this if everyone in the class were around that same age. Most of them are, but then Andrew and Suzi are there too. Why not invite Margo (who is seven, same age as many of the students) and Claire, then?

I wonder what kids who read this book today think. Recycling is such a normal part of many people’s lives these days. Many cities have recycling facilities and many kids just leave their recyclables on their front stoop, next to their garbage. Of course, there are still people who burn all their garbage and others, like my former supervisor, who feel like recycling is a conspiracy and a waste of time.

And now Dawn’s lecturing Claudia on her candy choices because the ‘chocolate drops’ are individually wrapped in plastic.

What kind of school uses Styrofoam cups for their individual servings of food? We always had everything in plastic cups. Of course, Dawn would probably bitch about those, too.

Oh, look, the Ohdners! They have the measles this time.

Dawn’s not paying attention during a BSC meeting, and the title quote is Claudia’s commentary on it.

And now Dawn’s being a jerk to everyone because they’re all not as much of an enviro-Nazi (I’m totally going to patent that term, but you all can use it) as she is. She gripes at Claudia for throwing out a soda can, Mary Anne for not writing on both sides of the paper, etc. She says she sounds like a ‘grumpy old teacher’, but she really sounds like an asshole.

Ha! Both Dawn and Stacey are teaching the class together, but because Stacey hasn’t taken leave of her senses, Mal and Jessi only blame Dawn when the Pikes become mini enviro-Nazis. They call them Green Meanies.

And this part was funny:

            Jessi: Is it alright to give the kids glasses of milk to drink?

            Mal: Sure. Why wouldn’t it be?

            Jessi: I don’t know. Maybe milking cows is bad for the animals.

            Mal: The Green Patrol has really shaken you up, hasn’t it?

            Jessi: I’m afraid to breathe. I might pollute the air.

You know Dawn’s being a bitch when even Mary Anne abandons her. She’s trying to get students to join her recycling effort, but then yells at them when they aren’t environmentally perfect. MA, who was holding Dawn’s sign for her, hands it back and walks away stiffly.

And she keeps it up with someone who doesn’t want to learn anything: Shawna Riverson, she of the genius idea to cheat off Claudia. Shawna actually manages to get a good shot back in at Dawn.

You know what time it is? Claudia spelling time! Wernt, cauht, Charlot, chatered, rilly, lerned. Oh, and did you know that the real name of this book is Dawn Saves the Plant? You should, because that’s how Claudia spelled it.

Trevor and Woody ate paté, brie and sparkling cider at lunch. They brought their own tablecloth, dishes, glasses and flatware. They claim that they did it to piss off the lunch ladies and protest the mystery meat lunches, but it sounds like they were on a date.

Dawn asks Claudia to make the fliers for the Green Fair. Claudia asks Charlotte to help her, which is a good idea. Maybe the fliers will actually be spelled properly.

I love how Claudia keeps cracking jokes about Dawn the enviro-Nazi. Stacey’s ready to bitch-slap Dawn (which is something I’d love to see by this point) because she’s totally taken over their class and keeps criticizing her. MA gets all teary-eyed and then just stalks off on Dawn, as I mentioned above. But Claudia just lets Dawn roll off her back while being a little snarky. MA says Dawn told everyone about the recycling program when they walked in the front door, and Claud replies, “That must be why everyone is using the back entrance.”

So after Dawn is not elected to head the recycling program, she pouts and refused to get involved with it. Because she’s terribly mature.

The SMS band sounds a lot like the band at my middle school. MA says they have to announce the name of the song their going to play, because otherwise no one would ever recognize it.

Oh, the Toilet Monster. How I love thee.

YES! Bill and Melody call their parents out on the hot dog/babysitter conspiracy. I do love that that fact remains (nearly) consistent, with them eating hot dogs in every books except the one where they have fish sticks, and this one, when their complaining gets them pizza for dinner.

Does anyone think that Kristy would actually be grossed out by the idea of squishing bugs? It doesn’t seem to match her tomboy act.

So I’m about twelve chapters into the book and I’m eating nachos as I read. I sat here, getting ready to read on, and thought to myself, “I wish I had some tequila to go with this.” And then I realized I did! So if the tidbits make no sense after this, I apologize. 

Stacey finally gets fed up and calls Dawn on her shit, which starts everyone pointing out that Dawn’s been lecturing and ordering everyone around. Mary Anne points out that Dawn’s been unpleasant; Kristy ups it to obnoxious.

I feel like Dawn’s usually a least a little bit obnoxious, but she upped it in this book to “raging bitch.”

Ha ha ha! The booth manned by Karen, Andrew and Suzi topples over in the breeze. Mal calms the three of them down—they’d been worried that no one would want to come to their broken booth—by suggesting it looked like a scene from The Wizard of Oz and was magical. It’s actually really cute the way she turns the kids’ mood around, although my favorite part was that Adam was standing right behind her, scoffing at the idea the whole time.

At the end, Mrs. Gonzales, Dawn’s teacher and the head of the recycling committee, asks her to be co-chair. Which doesn’t sound like a good idea on her part.

Outfits

Stacey: floral leggings, pink shirt with big sleeves, long vest, black fedora (OMG, she’s totally Blossom!)

Next week: #58 Stacey’s Choice

“You’re a hunk, Old Hick.” BSC Mystery #5: Mary Anne and the Secret in the Attic (1992)

I really wanted to make fun of this book hard, but instead, I just felt sad reading most of it. I think, even though Mary Anne makes some pretty silly assumptions and leaps of logic, we can all relate to her urge to know about her past and where she comes from.

Mary Anne’s been having very vivid dreams that feel real, full of people she doesn’t know. Meanwhile, Stoneybrook’s having a Heritage Day, so all the kids in town are talking about heritage and their ancestors. Mary Anne has no memories of her mother or her mother’s family, so she starts digging around in the attic. She discovers that she lived with her grandparents for a while after her mother died and decides her father gave her away. (Rather than, you know, the logical idea that he let her grandparents help him out while he was grieving and pulling his life together.) Eventually, she tells him the truth and gets to go visit her grandmother.

It would have been much more interesting if the secret in the attic was a twin that MA never knew she had that Richard and Sharon kept locked away. Mwahaha!

Interesting tidbits

I used to LOVE when I would pick up a book and read the spiel inside that started If you purchased this book without a cover. I always wanted to get a coverless book so I could go to the police to turn in the person stealing books. It’s like how I used to watch every episode of America’s Most Wanted with the hope of recognizing criminals. I don’t think I ever outgrew that urge, either.

And back to the BSC. Let’s look at the cover:

It’s pretty boring over all. Mary Anne actually looks pretty cute, though.

Ugh, I hate when these books begin in the middle of something and then the main character says, “You must be so confused. Let me explain.” This one does that not once but three times in the first chapter. Sloppy, sloppy writing. First Mary Anne says, “You’re probably wondering who me is.” Then she does the, “Is that kind of confusing? I’ll back up and explain.” And then she mentions that she’s off topic and goes even more generic.

Dawn’s having a Sharon moment. Her clothes are scattered all over the room, but she knows exactly where they all are. (This was totally me growing up.) I guess this is supposed to demonstrate the difference between MA, who planned and laid out her outfit the night before, and Dawn, but it seems kind of incongruous with the normal neat-freak Dawn.

Mmm! Pour me a bowl of Health-i-os! I feel like Dawn has eaten that before.

Y’know, I think the BSC is responsible for the obsession I had with bodysuits and unitards in fourth and fifth grade. I always wanted to have a “cool” wardrobe full of them. I had a couple of bodysuits later, in sixth or seventh grade, but they definitely were never actually cool. And thankfully, I never had a unitard.

I’ve always wondered about Kid Kits. I get the appeal of someone else’s toys—that’s why I always loved playing at Tessie’s house when we were kids. Her toys were way cooler than ours. (She felt the same way about our house, even though her family had Peaches and Cream Barbie, the Heart Family and 300 Little People, and all we had were a Tonka truck and some Maxie dolls with permed hair…ah, the 80s.) But Mary Anne’s kid kit includes a Barbie and a game of Candyland. What family with small children doesn’t have Candyland anyway?

Oh look, Charlotte’s just skipped into third grade…despite the fact that she was in second grade last year. I feel like that’s a fairly simple fact to keep straight. I don’t understand why they had a bible for the series if they never used it.

Charlotte’s great grandmother was named Berit Marie Hjielholt. Try saying that three times fast. Oh, and Char’s all excited about reading Berit’s diary and letters back to her mother…but she grew up in Denmark and then moved to the U.S. as an adult. I doubt either the letters or diary would be in English.

I don’t blame Mary Anne for wanting to seek out her family history. I felt that way at her age, and I grew up with both parents. My dad feels that way, and he’s a 50-something year old man who is now obsessed with genealogy. (Thanks to him, I now know I’m distantly related to Celine Dion.)

Nicky, like Charlotte, is making a family tree. Apparently, having a large family is a Pike family tradition, as one of their ancestors had ten brothers and sisters whose names all started with P. I’m trying to imagine which of the Pike kids will follow in that tradition and which ones will decide to buck the tradition and not have kids or only have one or two.

Through a series of events, Stacey winds up taking the triplets to the graveyard. She finds it all creepy, but they’re having a grand old time. I’ve always loved old graveyards, especially when they’re all poetic, as Jordan says this one is. For example, the grave of a small child says, “How many hopes lie buried here.” My nephew is buried in the “babyland” of a cemetery, and most of the stones for the babies and small children are pretty repetitive. There’s a lot of “Rockabye Baby,” “Now I lay me down to sleep” and “In God’s arms now.” Teah read a beautiful book when she was pregnant with her son that included the line, “You are an angel, my darling, a star, and my love will find you, wherever you are.” His grave has a star on it and part of that line.

“Cutest jumpsuit” is an oxymoron. Especially when said jumpsuit is turquoise.

More “Dawn as Mini-Sharon” info: Dawn hates doing laundry. Yet in another book, I swear Dawn made a comment about doing her own laundry because Sharon turned her undies pink or something. (This is also the other book when Dawn eats Healthios, only without the hyphens.)

So the BSC puts together a booth for the Heritage Day event, since it benefits the historical society. They decide to make cardboard cutouts of Stoneybrook “celebrities” like Old Hickory (and they know what he looks like how?) and Sophie. No one knows the Sophie story except the BSC, though. Lame.

Hahahahaha! This is probably only funny to me, but I don’t care. Mary Anne barely speaks during a BSC meeting, and later she comments she felt like an anthropologist observing typical American teenage babysitters. I read that right during a conversation on the television between Booth and Brennan about the anthropological need for sex. (Sometimes I love being autistic. I don’t know anyone else who could read this book and follow an episode of Bones at the same time. “Why can’t I go home?” “Didn’t you just hear the news? You’re dead!”)

Isn’t it convenient that, right after MA discovers she lived with her grandparents for a while, her grandma calls for the first time in more than ten years?

Dawn should know better than to take three kids to the town hall when only one of them had something to do…especially the Rodowskys. At the very least, she should have brought crayons and a coloring book or some other activity for Jackie and Archie to work on while Shea was researching.

When the BSC paints their cardboard cutouts, a paint war breaks out. And I thought immediately of this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdKdcasP0YU

Heh. Logan removed his paint covered shirt, which totally embarrasses Mary Anne, especially because Kristy shouts, “Woo!” I’m trying to decide if she’s trying to make him blush, or if she actually enjoys seeing him shirtless. I could see Kristy and Logan dating…if he weren’t with MA.

Mary Anne takes Charlotte to the heritage picnic because Char’s parents can’t go. MA feels out of place because she’s the only one not a mom or a little girl. I’m more shocked by the fact that Corrie Addison is there with her mom. I guess, every now and then, her parents actually care about her and Sean.

I knew there was a book where Shannon’s parents got names! Shannon went to a family reunion where she had to wear a nametag that said, “Shannon, daughter of Ted and Kathy.” I’m just glad her dad isn’t named John like almost everyone else’s. (Although, if Ted is short for Edward, then he has the same name as Stacey’s dad.)

The title quote is what Dawn says when she has her picture taken with Old Hickory so they can have a display “sample” in case people can’t figure out the purpose of their booth.

Claudia spelling time! The sign for the booth says, “Pose with Stonneybrook’s Selebritys.” Well, she got two out of four right. You’d think they’d learn to start spell checking her before she starts.

I know I wondered in writing recently about whether Logan and Shannon ever spent time together. The BSC works their booth in shifts: Dawn, Mary Anne and Kristy; Claudia, Jessi and Mallory…and Stacey, Logan and Shannon.

This conversation was fabulous. I really wonder what Richard thinks about Dawn after reading this:

            Dawn: Maybe I can find some more about Jared Mullray.

            Richard: Jared Mullray?

            Dawn: You know, the crazy guy whose ghost haunts our house.

            Richard: Oh, right, that Jared Mullray.

Richard is actually really sweet in this story. I feel bad for him, in many ways. He tried really hard to raise MA the best he could, but he was also grieving and in pain. Maybe keeping things about his wife from MA wasn’t the best idea, but he didn’t know that. As soon as MA asks about her mother, he tells her everything. He says MA looks and acts so much like her mother; originally, it hurt, but as she aged, it became a comfort.

Maynard, Iowa, sounds like Elburn, Illinois, where I grew up, although Elburn didn’t get a traffic light until 1995. We were thrilled to get a McDonalds in 1998. (Now, it has at least half a dozen traffic lights, a number of fast food restaurants and is a ‘real’ town.)

Ha ha! Farmer Bob! He’s the boy Mary Anne goes on a “date” with in Iowa. One of my college roommates married a man her friends call Farmer Bob.

Yay, more Claudia! She writes a letter to “Mary Ane.” She also spells Stacey’s name wrong (Stacy). Other spelling: plam (palm), cactis, projict, scuptur, detales, sinse, latley. She also uses their for they’re. (She’s totally indignant because Stacey says she’s wearing earrings shaped like palm trees, while Claud insists they are ‘cactuses.’)

I love Richard’s handwriting. He has small lower case letters with huge capitals, and he prints.

I swear MA once said her mother hated to cook, as MA does (mostly because she apparently sucks at it). Yet it’s established that MA’s mom made a lot of applesauce cakes in this book, and in a later mystery, they bake another of her mom’s cakes. Maybe Alma just liked to bake?

Outfits

Mary Anne: pink sweater, chinos, boots

Dawn: denim skirt, turquoise necklace (but apparently no shirt. Ooooh!); turquoise jumpsuit

Claudia: white bodysuit covered in a white lacy shirt, black skirt with white polkadots, lacy white leggings, red hightops (does this scream Madonna, circa mid-80s to anyone else?), black and white papier-mâché jewelry

Stacey: pink jumpsuit that matches Dawn’s

Jordan: knickers, vest, cap (he’s an “old fashioned newsboy”), green sneakers with orange laces

Next week: It’s the story you’ve been waiting for! I can’t wait to start mocking #57 Dawn Saves the Planet

“Thus speaks the famous Dr. Stacey McGill, child psychologist.” BSC #55: Jessi’s Gold Medal (1992)

I had this read a week ago but had some problems posting it. Oh well, it means you get two for the price of one this week!

Jessi, in the place of gym class, is taking synchronized swimming. Her partner is a girl named Elise who, of course, is never seen again after this book. (I think the Mafia is involved.) The two of them enter the SMS Sports Festival and come in first, but both decide they prefer their other activities—ballet and swim team. Kristy and Alan are also in competition, while Mal actually injures herself while faking an injury to get out of being in the Festival

Meanwhile, the BSC decides to put on a mini-‘Lympics (my term) for their sitting charges. There’s a bunch of stuff going on with that, but it’s boring. Most of the main plot points will be in the tidbits.

Interesting Tidbits

The cover: That’s Jessi and her partner, Elise, doing their synchro. Interestingly, Elise is described as being black haired in the book. Also, I feel like most swimmers wear swim caps.

“Horses sweat, gentlemen perspire, ladies glow!” Thank you for that tidbit, Mme. Noelle. (I wonder what it would sound like with her awful fake French accent.)

Who the hell buys their daughter a ‘plain white’ swimsuit? See-through much? Even Becca thinks so, because she colors hers with markers.

Remedial swimming sounds awesome. Do they have floaties on for that?

I’m trying to figure out the logic of this. The summer Olympics are usually in August, right? Well, this book takes place during the spring, so I guess AMM and Peter Lerangis were just hoping we wouldn’t notice the difference between August and April.

Becca wants to know if the Olympics will ever be held in Stoneybrook. If I were on the Olympic Committee, I’d vote for it!

Jessi comes into a BSC meeting and finds Kristy and Stacey stretched out on Claudia’s rug…doing the breast stroke. With Claudia’s room being such a rat hole, I can only imagine the kind of things they’re stirring up.

“A week of personal service.” Alan bet Kristy that he could beat her at any event, and this is their wager. And of course, my mind didn’t go straight into the gutter. Not at all.

Mistake: Kristy says Linny is eight. He’s nine.

Poor Andrew. He’s complaining he’s not good at anything. He’s only four, and all the other kids can run faster, throw better and jump higher. I bet he wouldn’t feel so bad if they put him in a contest with a bunch of other four year olds (Jamie, Archie, Nina, Jenny, etc.) He’d be pretty even-steven. But of course Linny and Bill and that lot are going to make him feel small and useless, since they’re so much older.

Jessi’s talking about ballet moves (I won’t repeat them, because they might put me to sleep) and Elise responds, “I thought they were French pastries.”

At one point, Mama is spelled as Mamma.

Kristy says “right” with a mouth full of pretzels and apparently, it comes out “wood”. That doesn’t even sound accurate, but I’m not going to stuff my mouth full of food and talk just to test it out.

Jessi keeps worrying about being the worst in her synchro class, but she just joined a few weeks before. All the other girls had been there for at least a few weeks longer than she had. Of course they’re better at it than she is. I mean, I know the BSC are all super-awesome and way talented at everything they do, but it’s not realistic for her to expect to pick up all the synchronized swimming moves in just a few weeks.

Claudia spelling! Beleive, twelv, thru, Saterday, laest, intacked (intact), Olimpyks, acident (that was after she tried twice to spell casualty) sessin, extpretion. She also uses their for there, may be for maybe and pour for poor.

Mallory actually tries to sprain her ankle so she doesn’t have to take part in the sports festival. Why doesn’t she just do what Mary Anne did and say she doesn’t want to take part? Jessi says she is a terrible actress. (I am not surprised by that last fact.)

This sounds like a conversation between me and my friends when I was Jessi’s age:

            Jessi: Maybe we should run away.

            Elise: Or hire doubles to take our place.

            Jessi: Or secretly drain the pool!

Elise and Jessi are so paranoid that they look terrible and are going to embarrass themselves, but a guy walks by and tells them they look fantastic. Instead of taking that as a compliment, they assume the guy doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

This Sports Festival makes no sense. It’s not mandatory, which is fair enough. But it happens during the school day, one event at a time. So the kids who enter are in an event and everyone else (including lots of parents…during the day…on a Wednesday) sit around and watch. That sounds very poorly planned for any number of reasons.

Umm, why are they building a concession stand right before the festival starts? Doesn’t SMS already have a concession stand, and if not, then why wait until minutes before the event starts, when all the concessions are already…concessed?

I need to reread this book and count how many times they use the term ‘synchro.’

Kristy gets embarrassed? I didn’t know such a thing was possible.

Charlotte doesn’t want to be involved in the Mini-‘lympics, but Stacey tries to talk her into it. When Stacey realizes Charlotte thinks she’s mad at her, she gets Mary Anne to call her. (‘Cause MA doesn’t want to be in the festival, get it?) But what’s interesting is that when MA calls Char to talk about how it’s okay to not be a jock, Charlotte is the one to point out that MA sounds mad about it. She convinces her to support her friends and not be upset because she’s too un-jocky. Or klutzy or sensitive or whatever.
Of course, Elise and Jessi win first place. Duh. I mean, the title of the book is “Jessi’s Gold Medal,” not “Jessi’s Last Place Finish” or “Jessi’s Horrible Embarrassment.”

Because Kristy won the race and the “week of personal service,” she makes Alan come to the BSC ‘lympics and set up for her. She also makes him call her ma’am. This is almost disappointing compared to some of the dirty thoughts I had about it. Although, she does make him clean up when Jamie throws up in his potato sack.

I’m disturbed that Richard knows who Alan is. I mean, I know MA’s known him since kindergarten or so, but unless he used to throw birthday parties for Mary Anne where her whole class was invited, how does he know Alan? It’s not as if MA would invite him over or anything.

There’s something funny about Mallory using a cane to deal with her sprain. I keep waiting for her to wave it and shout ‘Get off my lawn, you kids!’

The ‘lympics seem really badly organized as well. Basically, there’s someone running each event (a BSC member or parent) and then kids just go wherever they want and do whatever they want whenever they feel like it. I guess that’s better than having 4 million kids sitting around while one event at a time runs, but it’s hard to give awards when you can’t see everyone at every event.

Poor Andrew. He enters everything and ends up basically in last place in everything he does, even a ‘cross country’ race with only other kids his age. He winds up crying. But he does feel a lot better when he wins the “Most Determined” award.

And then Dawn gets the “deep” award for pointing this out: “They’re just kids, but sometimes you can really learn things from them.” Um, you’re just a kid, too, Dawn. Don’t forget that.

And the ending is so stupid, I just want to smack Kristy. YECH!

I’m getting irritated with the wiki source that I used to order my books. This one advertises Logan’s Story as ‘coming soon’, while that title mentioned SS#8 as ‘coming soon.’ Oh, well. I’m in the right general order, right? But the OCD in me is showing through.

Outfits

Claudia: pastel-green shorts, Hawaiian shirt, sandals criss-crossing up her legs (Claudia loves these sandals but they don’t sound comfortable); electric pink (it’s electric, boogie-oogie-oogie) track shorts with turquoise stripes and matching shirt, hightops without socks, pink floral suspenders, silver Olympic symbol hair clip

Coming up next: Mystery #5 Mary Anne and the Secret in the Attic. I haven’t read it since about 1993, but I remember laughing at MA a lot.